Saturday, June 15, 2013

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 35




*The Devil is playing with little figurines that look like Pinkie Pie and Electra Pendragon*  

The Devil: "DON'T WORRY, PINKIE PIE. WITH MY HELP YOU WILL BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PONY AT THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA." "AWW, THANK YOU, ELECTRA! LET ME GIVE YOU A BIG SLOPPY KISS!" *kissey noises*

Darkseid: Ahem.

The Devil: AHHH! LORD DARKSEID! YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING, DID YOU?

Darkseid: No, I did not see you playing with your dolls again, if that's what you mean.

The Devil: GOOD! SO, UH, WHAT'S UP?

Darkseid: Are all my preperations in order?

The Devil: YES. MONARCH HAS BEEN DISPATCHED, THE MONITORS ARE OCCUPIED, AND A THIRD PARTY IS READY TO RELEASE THE BEAST.

Darkseid: And the seige of New Genesis?

The Devil: IT'S ALL HAPPENING OFFSCREEN, JUST AS YOU WISHED, LORD DARKSEID. 

Darkseid: Good. You are dismissed, Lucifer.

The Devil: UH, SURE THING, BOSS. I'LL JUST GET GOING NOW...

Darkseid: ...Finally, I thought he would never leave. *picks up figurines of Opal Edwards and Electra Pendragon* Now where were we. Oh yes... "Oh electra, it is so very cool that you saved me from that killer shark; it's too bad your boyfriend Lant died." "Oh that's okay, I just discovered that I am a lesbian today." "Really? So am I!" "Let's make out!" *kissey noises*


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Karkat: I DON'T GET IT, HOW THE HELL ARE YOU BEATING ME WITH MISTER GAME AND WATCH?!

Dave: i dunno. maybe you should play someone on a higher tier than ganondorf. 

Karkat: NO WAY YOU'RE GOING TO TRICK ME INTO GIVING UP MY FAVORITE CHARACTER!

Dave: whatever dude. its your funeral.

Cronus: hey there all you cool cats, wvhat's happenin'?

Jake: We had the day off, so we're playing super smash brothers.

Cronus: i dig, i dig... ya know i'm actually pretty good at that game myself. howv about you newvbies let me join, so you can see how a REAL pro does things.

Karkat: NO. NOBODY LIKES YOU.

Cronus: ...wvhy not?

Karkat: BECAUSE YOU'RE A LAME PICKUP ARTIST WHO WEARS AN UNPLEASANTLY FAKE PERSONALITY AND IS ALSO INCREDIBLY CLASSIST. 

Jake: Also we only have four controllers.

Karkat: EVEN PINKIE PIE DOESN'T LIKE YOU, AND SHE HAS SOMETHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT EVERYONE.

Cronus: get outta town.

Karkat: NO, SERIOUSLY. WATCH THIS: HEY PINKIE, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ERIDAN?

Pinkie: I think he's a real snappy dresser! ^-^

Karkat: HOW ABOUT CALIBORN?

Pinkie: That guy really knows how to laugh! ^-^

Karkat: AND ELECTRA? 

Pinkie: She's awfully competitive... but grandma pie always said; you won't get anywhere just by standing around! ^-^

Karkat: THEN WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT CRONUS?

Pinkie: Uh... I really like his mane? @_@

Cronus: *tsk*, you're breakin' my heart, vwantas. and here i thought wve wvere friends...

Dave: have you guys even talked to each other up till now??

Karkat: NO, AND I INTEND TO KEEP IT THAT WAY. GOODBY, CRONUS.

Cronus: now that's just mean. but tell you wvhat, i'll be wvilling to forgivwe you if you'd just-

Karkat: GOODBY, CRONUS.

Cronus: but i'm a really nice guy if you just get to-

Karkat: GOODBY, CRONUS.

Cronus: ...okay that is the LAST strawv. i am sick and tired of being treated like a joke by the land-dwvellers and mutants that i've been REDUCED to associating wvith. man, someday i swvear if i become a crazy supervwillain i'm going to conquer the future and then go back in time and conquer the world again just to make your life a livwing hell.

Karkat: GOODBY, CRONUS.

Cronus: *nyeh* i'm outta here, land dwvellers!

Dave: that guy has issues.

Jake: You can say that again...

Jane Crocker: Guys! Some evil supervillain from the future named Monarch has gone back in time to try to conquer the present!

Jake: Good golly! What a sudden and shocking turn of events that is completely unrelated to our dealings with cronus!

Karkat: GREAT, JUST WHAT WE NEEDED. ANOTHER AMBITIOUS, OVERPOWERED FREAK WITH ACCESS TO TIME TRAVEL.

Jane: But that's not all! Someone else has gone on a murderous rampage! And his first victim... was MS. PAINT!

Jake: The bastard! Don't worry, Crocker; you have my word that we won't let these vagabonds commit crimes wantonly any further!

Karkat: I'LL GET TEREZI ON THE HOMICIDE CASE AND WE'LL HANDLE THE SUPERVILLAIN. WE'RE GOOD AT THAT SORT OF THING.

Pinkie: Aaaaad-VENTURE TIME! ^0^

Jake: Do want to come along, Jane? We could always use a fifth wheel.

Jane: Uh... I'm not sure. Compare to all the stuff you've been through lately, I've been feeling a bit left behind on the power curve... :(

Jake: Well, can't say we didn't ask. Tally ho, everyone!

Karkat: YEAH YEAH.

Dave: whatever.

Pinkie: Weeeeeee! ^0^