Saturday, August 24, 2013

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 37



MEANWHILE, IN DEATH VALLEY,
CALIBORN AND LUX LEXOR ARE ON A MAGICAL JOURNEY
OF SELF-DISCOVERY, WHERE THEY MUST LEARN TO OVERCOME
THEIR DIFFERENCES TO SURVIVE

Caliborn: YOu'RE SO GAAAAAY.

Lux Lexor: Shut up.

Caliborn: GAAAAAAAAAY.

Lux Lexor: Shut up.

Caliborn: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

Lux: Xkay, first xf all I'm nxt gay, I'm 'Pansexual'. Secxnd, a hate-crush is a perfectly normal thing fxr a Trxll my ageitude tx have, even if it is with sxmexne outside my xwn species.

Caliborn: I'M SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOu BECAuSE OF HOW GAY YOu SOuND. DID I MENTION YOu'RE GAY? BECAuSE YOu ARE. GAY. AND THAT MEANS YOu SUCK! DICK! BECAuSE YOu'RE GAY! HA HA AH AH AH AH AH AH AH!

Lux: Gxg, if xnly yxu'd just die xf a gunshxt wxund xr sxmething.

*BANG*

Calborn: *DEAD*

Lux: ...um, I mean if xnly yxu expirated due tx a millixn dxllars falling xn yxur head.

*BANG*

Lux: GAAAH! MY LEG!

The Great And Powerful Trixie: Good work, team. Thanks to my leadership, the Suicide Squad has accomplished another sucessful mission!

Sho Minamimoto = √(SOCATOA!)

Gamzee: NoW CoMe oN, wE CaN'T KeEp tHe bOsS WaItInG. sHe sAiD To cApTuRe tHeSe mOtHeRfUcKeRs dEaD Or aLiVe aNd tHaT'S JuSt wHaT We'rE GoNnA Do.

Lux: Wait, weren't yxu the judge at my trial?

Gamzee: YeAh, I'M PrEtTy mUlTiTaLeNtEd.

Lux: ...If I accused yxu xf cxrruptixn, wxuld I get a retrial? 

Gamzee: PrObAbLy nOt.

Lux: ...sx it gxes.







Saturday, August 3, 2013

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 36


Monarch: people of earth! unless you surrender to my demands and delivwer to me all the money in the wvorld to me, monarch, wvho is not cronus ampora, you'll nevwer see your belovwed san francisco again! MONARCH HAS SPOKEN!

Tavros Nitram: uHH, iF WE DID THAT WOULDN'T IT BE COMPLETELY WORTHLESS BECAUSE OF SIMPLE ECONOMICS,

Monarch: HA! i, monarch, wvho is not cronus ampora, scoff at such a ludicrous suggestion that i, monarch, could be wvrong about anything! in fact, i, monarch, and not cronus ampora, nowv decree that the more plentiful something is the more it is wvorth. AND I CAN TOTALLY DO THAT BECAUSE TIME TRAVEL!

Jake English: Not so fast, monarch! Your days of violating the laws of supply and demand are over!

Monarch: finally! wvhat took you guys so long to get here?

Dave: we got stuck doing a crossover to pimp out some story the producer wrote.

Karkat: NOW WHAT'S YOUR PLAN, ANYWAY? IT'S GOING TO BE SOMETHING SELFISH AND STUPID, ISN'T IT?

Monarch: Far from it! After I conquer your pathetic planet, I will scour it for The Worlogog, an artifact that contains a microcosm of our own univwerse! Then, using it, I will travel back in time to the beginning of creation, where I wvill become a god-

Karkat: YEP. SELFISH AND STUPID, JUST LIKE I SAID.

Pinkie Pie: You and Dr. Mrs. The Monarch will never get away with this!-+-

Monarch: ...wvho?

Pinkie Pie: You know... your wife. Arn't you that guy from The Venture Brothers?

Monarch: ...wvha? NO! That's THE Monarch. I'm just Monarch. Totally different.

Pinkie: Riiiiight...

Jake: Come on, chaps! Cry havoc, and let loose the dogs of war!

Monarch: HA! But don't you see? I can nevwer be defeated as long as I havwe THIS! 

Jake: *GASP* The cliffhanger induction device!? By jove!

Monarch: Yes! Wvach helplessly, mortals, as your destinies spiral out of control before your vwery eyes!

Karkat: OH COME ON! YOU DON'T AUTOMATICALLY WIN JUST BECAUSE THE BATTLE HAPPENS OFFSCR-