Electra Pendragon: (Was there ever any doubt?)
Lant Kreck: (Yes. But that's not important right now)
Alfred: (Correct. Now that we're inside, we need to work in the shadows to find a way to stop the Prophet Gilesbie's plan from succeeding. You have your watches synchronized?)
Electra: (Yep.)
Lant: (Affirmative.)
Alfred: (Good. Operation "Balamb Garden" is now-)
Dirk: Yo.
Alfred: EEK! *leaps into Electra's arms, whereupon she just drops him* Oh, wait. Dirk, Jade, it's you! How did you get here? Where's Troll Phelous?
Dirk: Long story, I'll explain later.
Jade Harley: Where are the others? :(
Lant: Not a clue. You're the first guy from back home we've seen since we got here.
Electra: And let me tell you, traveling with these commoners was nothing but-
Dirk: That's nice. Now what's the plan?
Alfred: *sigh* as I was saying, if we have any hope of defeating Gilesbie, we'll need to take her by surprise. So it's absolutely essential that we-
John Egbert: nothing to see here, folks! Just a bunch of trash cans with legs!
Meulin:
Tavros Nitram: (i CAN'T BELIVE THIS IS ACTUALLY WORKING,)
Kanaya Maryam: (Its Only Working Because Equius Stayed Behind To Distract The Guards. These Costumes Are Entirely Unnecessary.)
Roxy: WELL its nlt like i really had TIME to make good costumes.
*not
Kankri: This is pr96ably racist tw9ards th9se aliens fr9m Dr. Wh9, 6ut f9r the life 6f me I can't remember what they were called.
Karkat Vantas: URGE TO DESTROY WORLD RISING.
Jake English: Wow, Karkat! Your Dalek impression is spot-on!
Karkat Vantas: WHO SAYS I WAS ACTING?
Dirk: So you were saying something about stealth?
Alfred: Guh... well, we can still salvage this. Just as long as nothing else-
*KA BOOM*
Gamzee: *though a megaphone* AnD YoU WiLl kNoW My nAmE, fOr i aM ThE LoRd! RePeNt, MoThErFuCkErS!
Eridan: damn it rex howw am i supposed to aim the rocket launcher if you cant keep the coddamn helicopter steady
T-Rex: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I JUST REALIZED I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FLY THIS THING!
Nepeta & Utahraptor: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Vriska: Idiots. *snaps fingers*
*CRASH*
T-Rex: Wow! I can't believe we landed on a big pile of foam rubber! What a lucky break!
Alfred: *facepalm*. My life is over. STOP
Jade Edwards: -|------ Yes, it is.
Bladevash Dragonfang: *SNARL* Tresspassers! You have a lot of nerve to come here!
Prophet Gilesbie: yeh! what a bunch of obnoxious flamer trolls!
Kankri: I take 9ffense t9 that statement.
Prophet Gilesbie: shutup prep!
Alfred: My god, it's worse than I thought! Gilesbie has taken over Yeul completely, in mind, body and soul!
Prophet Gilesbie: krorect1!1 and im gonna use rher reincarnating and future visionpowers to remake the world jsut whty i want it!
Alfred: This is bad, guys. If we kill Gilesbie, Caius Ballad is going to destroy the world anyway. STOP
Dave: that would kinda suck.
Jake: Indeed. But there is still hope! If we convince one of gilesbie's lieutenants to defect, we might just stand a chance!
Karkat: GO FOR IT. ITS NOT LIKE WE REALLY HAVE ANYTHING TO LOSE AT THIS POINT.
Jake: Ahem. Mister bladevash, you seem like a man of honor! Would you consider perhaps-
Bladevash: No.
Jake: ...Very well then. Miss Edwards, you seem like a person with impeccable fashion sense... Tell me, what is that gown you're wearing?
Jade Edwards: -|------ I sew as a hobby. I styled this costume after a gardevoir because I felt like doing that.
Jake: Oh! Do you have any other hobbies?
Jade Edwards: -|------ Stabbing people to death with pointy objects. Are you done prying into my private life?
Jake: Uh, yes. Quite. Would you consider perhaps defecting to our side for the final battle if we paid you a bambooziling sum of money?
Jade Edwards: -|------ ...tempting... but no. I have something at stake in this fight.
Jake: Oh? What?
Jade Edwards: -|------ My sister and my universe. The unlimited cosmic power is actually kind of a bonus.
Lant: Wait, what?
Prophet Gilesbie: HEE HE HEE! At last you now teh truth. *unveils celestial orrey* yousee, allll thrteen of my organzation come fromw wrolds that i have taken a piece of. Nowthe only way for them to ever return home is if I fill the gap with my own essense! andthats not gonna happen utnill the worlds are the way i likes it.
Bladevash: Soon, the souls of the Thirteen will be imbued with Liquid Karma, binding the cosmic will to theirs, and their will to the prophet's.
Prophet Gilesbie: then the thirteen will become the bodies that THE ENDLESS STORYrevolves around. mortals, gods, and fiends alike will simply be pulled into the orbit of oursouls. and then we will all be kawaii.
Jade Edwards: -|------ ...
Electra: You're mad!
Prophet Gilesbie: Am i? AM I?!?!?1?!
Karkat: YES. YES YOU ARE.
Prophet Gilesbie: well fuck u poszer prepz. im only interested in electra anywauy.
Electra: Me?
Prophet Gilesbie: dont deny it. u just wanny be luvd by everyone and have peopleworhsip the groud you walk on and send you creepy valentines presidents and stuff. umight look like a prep but i know ur just a pzser and theres a reeal goff underneath justtrying to get out.
Electra: ...
Prophet Gilesbie: who carez if u really exsist when the whole world knows yur nane? sohow about we get rid of these posers and go to hot topic for some kewl new duds? whoknows, if ur hot enuff tom rid might give us a discout!!1!
Electra: No.
Prophet Gilesbie: What was that?
Electra: I said no.
Prophet Gilesbie: im sorry i dont think u heard me. i m like offering u ultimate power andstuff. ud have to be a total LOOO-SEEEEERR to refus. ist that what you wanted?
Electra: Maybe. I'm really not all that sure. Father would disown me for making myself into a god, and mother would probably look ill upon destroying the metaverse...
Prophet Gilesbie: Fuck those loszers comeon i cant wait around all day. were talkingUN LIMIT ED POW ER.
Electra: Keep it! I might not know my own origin, but one thing's for sure; I'm not going to accept favors from a two-bit mongrel who thinks she's a demiurge.
Alfred: Me neither! I've already lost one universe, so I'm going to protect the rest of them or die trying. STOP
Lant: Do you even have to ask? It's times like that I remember why I became a superhero in the first place. Come on, guys! What are we all fighting for?!
Alfred: For the metaverse!
Electra: For my family's honor!
John: for our childhood heroes!
Rose: For civilization!
Jade: for everyone counting on us! :D
Utahraptor: For philosophy!
T-Rex: For my terrible Antonio Tony fan-fiction!
Kankri: F9r 6ringing justice t9 a c9ld and uncaring universe!
Aradia: f0r everything weve already f0ught f0r
Sollux: for free wiill!
Tavros: fOR, uHH, sELF-ESTEEM,
Feferi: For peace! *GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB*
Terezi: FOR ORD3R
Gamzee: FoR ThE DaRk cArNiVaL, aNd aLl tHe fAyGo yOu cAn dRiNk.
Eridan: for the respect i desrvve
Vriska: For the epic loot! 8888)
Dirk: For the sun to rise next saturday!
Nepeta: :33 < for imagination!
Meulin:
Pinkie: For laughter! ^-^
Kanaya: For Rational Thought
Dave: for all the songs i havent listend to yet.
Jake: For freedom of expression!
Karkat: FOR PUNCHING THIS GOD DAMN MARY SUE IN HER GOD DAMN BLACK LIPSTICK SMEARED FACE!
Bladevash: What?! What IS this? They're growing more powerful by the second!
Jade Edwards: -|------ ...
Prophet Gilesbie: no fair ur cheatin!
Lant: Don't you see, Gilesbie? We're from all across time and space! We might not all be good friends, in fact some of us actually hate each other! But our collective unity makes us more powerful than you could ever be on your own!
Jake: That's right! When we work together there's nothing we can't overcome! Whether we have a chance to succeed or not, we'll fight to our very last breath, and show the universe that if we're going down, we're going down fighting!
Everyone: YEAH!
Karkat: ...RIGHT AFTER WE FINISH READING THIS FANFIC.
Dave: what.
Jake: (Uh, vantas? I don't mean to be rude but I think you've gone funny in the head.)
Karkat: (JUST TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. I HAVE A PLAN.)
Jake: (Uh... okay then. I mean) oh golly gee! A fanfic! What riveting tale do you have in store for us this week, Karkat?
Karkat: POKEMON: ATTACK OF MEWTWO. IT'S THIS DUMB STORY THAT'S PRETTY MUCH THE POKEMON FANDOM'S VERSION OF MY IMMORTAL. AND BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE TORTURING MYSELF EXTRA HARD, WE'RE GOING TO READ THE WHOLE THING IN ONE GO.
Gilesbie: Kawaiii! I love this one!!!1!!1!
Dave: of course you do.
this is dark fic it has many dark themes and death and vilence do not read unless you want to
Karkat: TOO LATE.
---
"wake up Sarah" said Sarahs mom.
Kanaya: The Fact That She Doesnt Even Have A Proper Name Shows Just How Important She Is In This Story
Sarah was pokemon trainer who was thirteen years old with black hair and nice smile and really pretty.
Dave: ill give you points for keeping the descripton short at least.
Bladevash: At least she's not UGLY.
"ok mom" said Sara and she rememberd that she was old enough for pokemon journey because pokemon leage changed age that trainers could leave home and Sarah went to see professer Oak.
Rose: ...this is something that's always bugged me about the series. Why on earth would any parent think it's a good idea to let their ten-year old child go off on an aimless quest armed with nothing but a living weapon? Even if ignore the ethical implications of enslaving creatures of human-like intelligence and how irresponsible most real-life children would be if they could control such power, you're still basically trusting their lives to wild animals. Yes, the starter pokemon might be domesticated, but most people capture more than one.
Jake: There's been a lot of discussion about this, actually. The theory I subscribe to is that humans in the Pokemon universe are built out of sturdier stuff than in real life, allowing them to survive things such as falling from great heights, being burned alive, and other things treated as comedic slapstick in the anime. In addition, i have my own personal theory that all pokeverse humans have some minor telepathic abilities that make Pokemon more willing to trust them. And why not? There are human psychics in most versions of the series. The reason for this could either be a natural consequence of humanity evolving in an environment more hostile than in real life so that only people who could form symbiotic bonds with pokemon via telepathy survived, or it could be that humans are actually extraterrestrials, which would also explain why their tech level is so high (what with energy manipulation of pokeballs and the pc system) when most of the planet is still pristine wilderness. And as for the "irresponsibility" of the whole shebang, it's a matter of different cultures. In fact it's a bit like alternian "parenting", wherein a parental bond is substituted for a bond with a vicious monster.
Jade Edwards: -|------ Does he always talk this much?
Rose: Belive me, compared to Kankri, Jake is downright succinct.
Kankri: ...and that is why dan quayle is my 8th least fav9rite united states vice president 9f all time. N9w, as f9r my 9th least favorite, that w9uld have to be...
Pinkie: (Smile and nod, Pinkie. Just smile and nod.) *-*
"Hi Oak" said Sarah and Oak told sarah that he had only one pokemon left. "It is evee" said Oak
"Hi Oak" said Sarah and Oak told sarah that he had only one pokemon left. "It is evee" said Oak
Jake: Again, another precedent met. In the anime, this was eventually revealed to be the pokemon that gary oak received as his starter, which later evolved into Umbreon.
and Sarah said it was her favorite and Oak gave her pokeball and sarah let pokemon out. "eevee" said the eevee.
Dave: sadly i think this guy has the best dialogue.
"it is so kawaii" said sarah (it is japanese for cute ok!!!)
Utahraptor: I think everyone on the internet knows that at this point.
Sarah walked out of labradory and suddenly mewtwo. "who are you" asked sarah "i am mewtwo and I hate pokemon trainers and I will explode oaks laboratory so that NO ONE CAN BE TRAINER"
Sarah walked out of labradory and suddenly mewtwo. "who are you" asked sarah "i am mewtwo and I hate pokemon trainers and I will explode oaks laboratory so that NO ONE CAN BE TRAINER"
John: because of course professor oak is the source of all pokemon trainers ever. he who controls the pokemon trainers controls the world!
"NO said sarah "why do you want to explode lab"
T-Rex: Hold! What you are doing to us is wrong! Why do you do this thing
Roxy: ya know one of thesedays were gonna refrence video game that people actually play. *HIC*
"because humans are evil" sad mewtwo
Vriska: Really? I had nooooooo idea! In that case go ahead, explode away! 8888)
" no mewtwo you are evil"
Dave: and then mewtwo was a zombie.
said sarah and then mewtwo blew up lab anyway "no" said sarah
Sollux: wow. you can almo2t feel the emotiion here. iit'2 liike 2he'2 2peakiing two my 2oul.
and saw oak was dead and was Gary. "no why did you do this mewtoo you are evil" said sarah
Tavros: uHH, i THINK HE ALREADY EXPLAINED HIMSELF?
"Shut up or I EXPLODE YOUR HEAD" said mewtwo but sarah not listen and mewtwo shat sichic at her.
Eridan: ewwww
"now she is dead" said mewtwo and flew away
Dirk: Don't turn your back on the bodies.
but sarah was not dead and blacked out and so was eve.
Aradia: yes eve a character weve never seen bef0re and will never see again
then sarah woke up and saw that mewtwo was gone and was sad and sad "mewtwo I will take ravange on u for exploding oaks lab"
Lant: ...you're a bit out of your league there, kid.
and decided to train eevee to become stranger than mewtwo
Nepeta: :33 < so she gave 33v33 one of those yoda dog costumes! problem solved!
even though mewtwo was legendry and so her pokemon journey begun.
Dirk: Chapter 2: Mewtwo Harder
(AN: Thanks for reviews everyone the reason sarah got eevee is becuz oak was breeding them ok
Jake: Which makes sense; it can evolve in over a half-dozen ways, so of course it would be something a pokemon researcher would want to study. Plus, as i said he was able to give one to gary.
and mewtwo has a god reason for acting ooc ok
Karkat: PLEASE DON'T BE A CLONE PLEASE DON'T BE A CLONE PLEASE DON'T BE A CLONE...
here is nex chapter )
Sarah was tired and angry and sad and train hard to defeat mewtwo.
Meulin:
Eve was get ing stronger b/c she was fighting wild pokemon and doing good. Then a trainer "Hey do you want to battle?" "sure the other trainer was hot and look like 13 year old Zac Efron.
Eridan: i dont knoww wwho that is and i dont care
Other trainer said "go ralts" and then there was ralts.
"what pokeman is that"asked sara "ralts" said the other trainer that was fighting sarah.
"what pokeman is that"asked sara "ralts" said the other trainer that was fighting sarah.
T-Rex: Hello, is this the Department of Redundancy Department?
And ralts saw that sarah was nice person b/c it read her emo tions like nice book but still wanted to fight her
Jake: Which again, is something that the ralts lines can actually do. In fact it just occurs to me that it's incredibly ironic that miss edwards is dressed as a gardevior (the third evolution of ralts) when she is, in fact, a power hungry mercenary.
Jade Edwards: -|------ ...you do realize that the audience can't actually see me, right?
"ralts confusion" said boy trainer
"ralts confusion" said boy trainer
John: so ralts read the entire text of thirty hs, confusing everyone to no end.
"eevee dodge and tackle" said sarah and eevee dodged confusion and used tackle.
John: it pulled out an array of hooks, lines, sinkers, floats, rods, reels, baits, lures, spears, nets, gaffs, traps, waders and tackle boxes, hoping that ralts would be clumsy enough to trip over the whole mess.
"ralts use confusion" said trainer and eevee didn't doge it this time. Sarah told eevee to use tackle and eevee did and eevee got critical hit.
Kanaya: The Excitement Is Killing Me
"ralts return" said other trainer "your good" "so are ou" said sarah. "I am jake"sad trainer
Jake: No relation to yours truely, of course.
"I am sarah" said sarah. "Oh I had forgotten mewtwo explod oaks lab" she said.
Electra: *sigh* So much for "train[ing] hard to defeat mewtwo".
"OAKS LAB NO" reply jake
Dave:
what?? did you think i was going to play another darth vader clip?
"Why you not tell me this?"
Vriska: Pro8a8ly 8ecause sarah's kind of an idiot.
"I am train to defeat mewtwo!" yelled sarah
"mewtwo is legendry you cant' fight him own ur own. You will need help let me join you"
Sollux: ye2. two kiid2 wiith low-level pokemon wiill certaiinly be able two 2tand up two a legendary pokemon that can blow buiildiings up wiith iit'2 miind2.
"okay" said sarah "We should catch pokemon" said lake and they saw some pokemon and they caught them.
"okay" said sarah "We should catch pokemon" said lake and they saw some pokemon and they caught them.
Dave: insert show don't tell monologue or whatever.
Suddenly mewtwo teleported there.
Karkat: YEAH, THIS IS KIND OF THE PROBLEM WITH HAVING A VILLAIN WHO'S VIRTUALLY OMNIPOTENT.
"You again?" said mewtwo. "I thought I killed you along with res of lab." Sarah and Jake were scarred because their pokemon were weekend and mewtwo was stong and smart and tough.
Rose: You know, you could let them go. I kinda doubt they'd be much of a threat to you at this point.
Roxy: or u could jus teleport them to themnoon.
*the moon. *HIC*
Mew2 raised hand but then another mewtwo apeared. "what" said Sarah. "what" said Jake. "what" said the first mewtwo.
Eridan: wwhat
Gamzee: WhAt?
Feferi: w)(at
Tavros: wHAT,
Lant: What?
Electra: What?
Alfred: What? *STOP*
Terezi: WH4T
John: what?
Kanaya: What
Dave:
i win.
The new mewtwo look at other mewtwo and said "you have have killed humens and ruin my good name you will pay…………………………………………………………………………………………… CLONE!"
Karakt: ...WELL FUCK MY HOOFBEAST.
(AN: Dun dun dun)
(AN: Dun dun dun)
Dirk: Chapter 3: Mewtwo With a Vengence.
(A/N Because of confusing evil mewtwo will be called mewthree from now on and I know now the title does nt make sense but TOO BAD)
Rose: Do note that we haven't been told what they're clones of, just that they're clones.
Then a chairzard started to breath fire at them but Eevee turned to vaporion to stop it then it used hydro pimp. Then more clones came and Eevee changed form to stop them but there were too many of them. "There are too many of them" sad Jake.
(A/N Because of confusing evil mewtwo will be called mewthree from now on and I know now the title does nt make sense but TOO BAD)
Terezi: SO BY CH4PT3R THR33 W3 L34RN TH4T TH3 3NT1R3 PR3M1S3 OF TH1S STORY 1S 4 COMPL3T3 L13. TH4TS GOTT4 B3 4 R3CORD OR SOM3TH1NG
Mewtwo and Mewthree faxed each other.
Mewtwo and Mewthree faxed each other.
Dave: so they faxed angry letters to each other??
Nepeta: :33 < *"dear mewtwo clone," he wrote "i think you a meanie doo-doo head. signed, real mewtwo."*
Mewtwo shoot shadow balls at mewthree and mewthree dogded balls and laffed "you are infearier clone mewtwo now I kill you for trying to stop me from wiping out human race ha ha"
"who are you" asked mewtwo "I am mewthree and humans made me from your genetics
Jade Harley: i should point out that mewtwo is already a clone. so i guess if at first you don't succeed, try, try again!
but I hat humans"
Dirk: You'd think they'd have worked out that whole "turn against their masters" bug by now.
"No!" shouted mewtwo "how dare they use my genetic its MY GENETIC NOT YORS"
Alfred: Technically it's the original Mew's "genetics", but whatever.
Suddenly a clon army came out from behind mewthree
Dave: because of course mewthree has a clone army i mean why wouldn't he??
Lant: Oh god, it's the Clone Saga all over again, isn't it?
"it is the attack of the clones" said Sarah
T-Rex: HA HA! It's funny because that's the name of a Star Wars movie!
and mewto teleportled themt o lab. "where is this?" asked jake "I once tried to kill humans too" said mewto "but now I use my science for good I cannot fight clone army alone you must help me"
Roxy: i forget. dont you have your own clone armyy dood?0
*army dude?
Mewtwo used genetics on there pokemon and they evolved and becum stronger than normal pokemon except for Sarah's eevee which could evolve into any evolushon when ever she wanted then turn back
John: how does this guy think genetic engineering works, anyway? does he think scientists have just have a can of all-purpose "genetics" that they just pour on stuff to create super heros, ninja turtles and stuff?
Rose: Also, why is Mewtwo upgrading the pokemon of two random kids? If the world is in danger, better to get help from someone more experienced, like a gym leader or one of the pokemon league champions.
the eevee was also pink and blue in stead of brown and whit.
Karkat: MAKE YOUR MAIN CHARACTER EVEN MORE OF A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE WHY DON'T YOU?
"Now you are ready to fight mewthree" said mewtwo and then jake turned on television and saw that clone army was already killing humans
John: brought to you by pcnn: the plot convenience news network.
and jake was mad "we have to stop the clones" said jake and mewtwo teleported them to the city where the clone pokemon were attacking but mewthree wasn't there and it made them mad.
"I will find mewthree" said mewtwo and mewtwo teleported and left them to fight clones all on own
Karkat: WHEREUPON THEY GOT KILLED INSTANTLY.
but the trainers were ready "let's go". And hoped they were god enough to stop clones.
(AN: btw the attack of the clones thing is a pun on star wars if you didn't know.
Karkat: REALLY? I HAD NO IDEA.
no im not a troll Im a humen and if you dont like dont read and if you flame that means your just jealous
Eridan: yes i am just seething wwith jealousy ovver this poorly wwritten bilge
otherwise thanks for review)
Dirk: Chapter 4: Live Free or Mewtwo.
(AN: I know Im not very gud at spelling but I don't think matters
"who are you" asked mewtwo "I am mewthree and humans made me from your genetics
Jade Harley: i should point out that mewtwo is already a clone. so i guess if at first you don't succeed, try, try again!
but I hat humans"
Dirk: You'd think they'd have worked out that whole "turn against their masters" bug by now.
"No!" shouted mewtwo "how dare they use my genetic its MY GENETIC NOT YORS"
Alfred: Technically it's the original Mew's "genetics", but whatever.
Suddenly a clon army came out from behind mewthree
Dave: because of course mewthree has a clone army i mean why wouldn't he??
Lant: Oh god, it's the Clone Saga all over again, isn't it?
"it is the attack of the clones" said Sarah
T-Rex: HA HA! It's funny because that's the name of a Star Wars movie!
and mewto teleportled themt o lab. "where is this?" asked jake "I once tried to kill humans too" said mewto "but now I use my science for good I cannot fight clone army alone you must help me"
Roxy: i forget. dont you have your own clone armyy dood?0
*army dude?
Mewtwo used genetics on there pokemon and they evolved and becum stronger than normal pokemon except for Sarah's eevee which could evolve into any evolushon when ever she wanted then turn back
John: how does this guy think genetic engineering works, anyway? does he think scientists have just have a can of all-purpose "genetics" that they just pour on stuff to create super heros, ninja turtles and stuff?
Rose: Also, why is Mewtwo upgrading the pokemon of two random kids? If the world is in danger, better to get help from someone more experienced, like a gym leader or one of the pokemon league champions.
the eevee was also pink and blue in stead of brown and whit.
Karkat: MAKE YOUR MAIN CHARACTER EVEN MORE OF A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE WHY DON'T YOU?
"Now you are ready to fight mewthree" said mewtwo and then jake turned on television and saw that clone army was already killing humans
John: brought to you by pcnn: the plot convenience news network.
and jake was mad "we have to stop the clones" said jake and mewtwo teleported them to the city where the clone pokemon were attacking but mewthree wasn't there and it made them mad.
"I will find mewthree" said mewtwo and mewtwo teleported and left them to fight clones all on own
Karkat: WHEREUPON THEY GOT KILLED INSTANTLY.
but the trainers were ready "let's go". And hoped they were god enough to stop clones.
(AN: btw the attack of the clones thing is a pun on star wars if you didn't know.
Karkat: REALLY? I HAD NO IDEA.
no im not a troll Im a humen and if you dont like dont read and if you flame that means your just jealous
Eridan: yes i am just seething wwith jealousy ovver this poorly wwritten bilge
otherwise thanks for review)
Dirk: Chapter 4: Live Free or Mewtwo.
(AN: I know Im not very gud at spelling but I don't think matters
Karkat: YES IT DOES.
you can still understan me rite?
Karkat: NO WE CAN'T.
Besides English not first langauge.
Kankri: In that case, let us end the review here. After all teasing s9me9ne ab9ut their language is a p9werful trigger that I d9 belive we sh9uld 6est avoid.
Kanaya: Except That The Author Chose To Write It In English Anyway In Addition I Dont Think This Premise Is Salvageable Even If The Author Was A Native English Speaker
Kankri: 96vi9usly y9u fail to grasp the cultural p9litics 9f 9ur white-angl9-sax9n-pr9testant d9minated m9dern day culture. Pe9ple all ar9und the w9rld are pressured t9 c9nf9rm t9 the tastes 9f american readers if they wish t9 have any chance 9f success.
Kanaya: Except That There's No Money In This. While I Agree Learning A New Language Is Something Everyone Should Do You Shouldn't Have To Write Your Work In Another Language Just Because Thats Where The Fandom Is.
Also I have not played pokemon games so I don't no how to spell certain moves ok but like I sad it dont matter and
Dave: and then the author was killed by an invisible grammar ninja.
Sarah and Jake find themselves in Safron city and saw clones everywere.
Sarah and Jake find themselves in Safron city and saw clones everywere.
Rose: Do note that we haven't been told what they're clones of, just that they're clones.
"Their everywere" said Jake. "Dont worry!" said Sarah and then Eevee turned into an umbrion but it was still pink. mewthree odered the clones to attack, and they started to blow buildings.
Dirk: I'm trying to wrap my head around what that looks like.
"No there were people in there!" said Jake.
Jake: Now that the stakes have been raised, Jake's resolve is stronger than ever!
"Gallad go!" then Gallaid came out. It was blue and white and shiny. "Syco cut" ordered Jake and then the gallaid used Syco cut which hurt a weezing clone.
Pinkie: One down, eleventy zillion to go!
Then a chairzard started to breath fire at them but Eevee turned to vaporion to stop it then it used hydro pimp. Then more clones came and Eevee changed form to stop them but there were too many of them. "There are too many of them" sad Jake.
Nepeta: :33 *as he realized there were too many of them*
And then they sent out a bunch of other pokemon
Aradia: that apparently the auth0r d0esnt care ab0ut
and they started to do well against clones but there were still too many.
Then Saraj looked up in the sky and saw somone with purple hair riding on garchomp it was Paul.
Then Saraj looked up in the sky and saw somone with purple hair riding on garchomp it was Paul.
Dave: huh boy.
Karkat: WHO'S PAUL?
Jake: He's one of the characters from the anime. Specifically he was ash's rival for the "diamond and pearl" season, notable for being incredibly cruel to his pokemon, pushing them far beyond their limits to win battles and then berating them for failing.
"LEAVE HER ALONE YOU DAMN CLONS" said Paul and he sent out a bunch of pokemon and beat up the rest of the clones. "Thank you Paul" said Sarah "No prolbem" said Paul. "Jus here to help".
Karkat: YEAH... THAT DOES'T SOUND LIKE THE GUY YOU DESCRIBED.
Jake: While he did get better towards the end of the series, i admit he's a bit ooc here.
Jake was jealus because Paul was look amazing but Sara dint notice.
Nepeta: :33 < can you say, "love triangle"?
Suddenly Mewthree in the sky.
Dirk: With diamonds.
"Attenton every one I have just beat Mewtwo and now I will destoy all humans no one can stop me"
Vriska: Why is it that we always miss the cool parts?
"I can" said Sarah and Mewthree laughed. "How will you beat me when I am up here and you are down there?I will kill you from sky and you not reach me!"
Karkat: FINALLY, ABOUT TIME HE DID SOMETHING SMART.
"He's right" said Jake but then umbrion grew big yellow wings and flew up to Mewthree.
"He's right" said Jake but then umbrion grew big yellow wings and flew up to Mewthree.
Gamzee: By tHe dEuS Ex mAcHiNa, I HaVe tHe pOoOoOoWeEeEeRrRrRr!
"What" said Mewthree "How did you do that". "It was special modify" said Umbrion
Jade Edwards: -|------ Sure, why not.
"You talk too" said Mewthree and then umbrion used faint and attack and it was super effective. "So Mewtwo used genetics on your pokemon I didn't expect this I will have to retreat.
Dave: so much for worlds strongest pokemon.
But Ill be back for reveng!" said Mewthree and then he teliported away.
Sollux: we've got a lot of teleportiing goiing on here, dont we? iin fact, why don't we ju2t call thii2 fiic "teleport2 iin and then plot happen2".
"No fair!" said Jake "How did that happen" asked Sarah "Mewtwo gave me extra special genetics. " said Umbrion then turned back to Eevee. "I am sorry for keeping secret" "Its okay" said Sarah. "But we need to find Mewthree we should train for next math.
"No fair!" said Jake "How did that happen" asked Sarah "Mewtwo gave me extra special genetics. " said Umbrion then turned back to Eevee. "I am sorry for keeping secret" "Its okay" said Sarah. "But we need to find Mewthree we should train for next math.
T-Rex: Little known fact; Mewtwo's one weakness is Multivariable Calculus.
I'll get you Mewthree".
Dirk: Chapter 5: A good day to Mewtwo.
(AN Stop it I said I wasnt a troll OK! But thanks to people who liked it I didn't mean fo it 2 be funny but Im glad you like also I got firs real pokemon game pokemon Heart Gol and its pretty good and I decide to put in elemens from that game.
Terezi: SO YOUV3 ONLY NOW PL4Y3D 4 POK3MON G4M3
Dave: this explains so much.
Before I only watched movies and TV show so it was bit different but still good. Why is Ash look different tho?)
Jake: That's because ash is not the protagonist in any of the pokemon games (aside from Pokemon Puzzle League, and even then that was explicitly based on the anime). The protagonist in the first generation games is actually named "red", though "ash" is one of the default name choices in the original Game Boy release.
Sarah Jack n Paul decide to hell out citie and look for surviver. "We should look for survivors" said Paul sexily "Ok" said Sarah and they look for survors.
Sarah Jack n Paul decide to hell out citie and look for surviver. "We should look for survivors" said Paul sexily "Ok" said Sarah and they look for survors.
Lant: Okay I admit this is actually a smart thing to do after a disaster, especially when your pokemon has "do anything" superpowers.
Dave: enjoy the rationality while you can people.
Sarah was distracted by Pauls nice hiAR and sexy bod and made Jake jealous
Dirk:
You think he's hot? Really? I dunno, I think he kinda looks weird.
Stop looking at me like that" sid Paul. Jake god idea. "Gallad use telikineses (I think that's how its spelled) and Gallad put the buildings back together. "Good job" said Jake and they found som survivors and they rescue them.
"I must go now. " said Paul "There are more ppl that need help". "No don't go!" said Sarah. "We need all the help we can get to beat Mewthree he is very stong"
"I must go now. " said Paul "There are more ppl that need help". "No don't go!" said Sarah. "We need all the help we can get to beat Mewthree he is very stong"
Vriska: Just leave those injured civilians trapped under ru88le to their fate. I'm sure they wont mind.
"Okay" said Paul.
John: sarah! master of persuasion!
Jake pulled Sarah aside and aksed "do you like Paul" "I guess so" said Sarah and made Jake sad because he was IN LOVE with Sarah.
Karkat: NO, REALLY?
"Do you like him like him" asked Kake "Maybe" said Sarah "Why?" "Sarah I love you" said Jake.
Pinkie: DUN DUN DUUUUN! ^0^
"Really"said Sarah "really" said Jake and then they kissed.
Karkat: PLOT THREAD OVER, BACK TO WORK.
(AN: Paul is 13 in this story so it not weird OK)
Jade: That doesn't tell us how old the others are though... :(
"We ned to find Mewthree" said Paul. "My gallaid has psikic powers" said Jake and Gallaid used sichic powers to find mewthree "He is in the belt ower but it is far away to teleport to so we will have to drive there on motorcycles" said Gallad telepathetically "I will give u motorcycles" said one of the survivors who owned a motorcycle shop who they rescued earlier.
"We ned to find Mewthree" said Paul. "My gallaid has psikic powers" said Jake and Gallaid used sichic powers to find mewthree "He is in the belt ower but it is far away to teleport to so we will have to drive there on motorcycles" said Gallad telepathetically "I will give u motorcycles" said one of the survivors who owned a motorcycle shop who they rescued earlier.
Kanaya: Sure Just Give Motorcycles To A Bunch Of Untrained Kids What Could Possibly Go Wrong
Sarah Jake an Paul drove fast as wind and got to new bark ton and saw salamens there "What is salamens doing here" said Pail "I am super clone made by mewthree I am 2nd only to mewthree and am 2nd in comman" said salemend
Dave: i guess talking pokemon are a common thing now.
"I will be making sure you never redach mewthree DIE!"
Lant:
Dirk: Chapter 6: I ran out of Die Hard movie titles.
Karkat: GREAT. NOW WE CAN BE EXTRA DISAPPOINTED WHEN IT ARRIVES.
Slamence clawed Sarah in faceand evee turned vaporeon to sop it but slamence use dargon bread on it and hurt.
"You cant stop me I will kill al humans so that no one can be trainer!" say mewthree.
Slamence clawed Sarah in faceand evee turned vaporeon to sop it but slamence use dargon bread on it and hurt.
Jade: Salamace was just that bad of a baker. :)
"Ha ha ha" say Salamence "you are week and will die"
{NO" said Sarah"I wont let you kill" but salamens attached Paul an Jake before sent out poekmon and they were lie on ground.
"Ha ha ha" say Salamence "you are week and will die"
{NO" said Sarah"I wont let you kill" but salamens attached Paul an Jake before sent out poekmon and they were lie on ground.
Kanaya: My Heroes
"You cant stop me" said Salamenc. Edward Cullen.
"You cant stop me" said Salamenc. Edward Cullen.
Karkat: SALAMENCE IS EDWARD CULLEN? IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE THE TWIST?
"Now you will die" but suddenly sarah start to glow.
John: I can just imagine stephen king and m night shyamalan shouting in unison "here comes the biiiiiig twiiiiiist!"
Sarah was rhydon
Sarah was rhydon
Nepeta: :33 no john! you are the rhydon!
"Whats happening to me". "what" said Jake an Paul. "Sarah you are excape genetic experiment from mewthree you had mew dan so you could transfrom at Will but you forgot and was adopted by family.
Caliborn: SOMETHING WRONG, KARKAT? YOU CAME HERE EXPECTING TO FIGHT A MADMAN, AND INSTEAD YOu FOUND A SHITTY TIWST!?!?!?!?!?!
Dave: when did you get here?
Caliborn: ABOUT A MONTH AGO. DONT THINK ABOuT IT TOO HARD.
Caliborn: SOMETHING WRONG, KARKAT? YOU CAME HERE EXPECTING TO FIGHT A MADMAN, AND INSTEAD YOu FOUND A SHITTY TIWST!?!?!?!?!?!
Dave: when did you get here?
Caliborn: ABOUT A MONTH AGO. DONT THINK ABOuT IT TOO HARD.
Electra: ...I admit, I did not see this coming. However, that does not mean I am impressed with this revelation. Aside from deliberately telling us there was a twist, there was exactly zero foreshadowing of this. You could have just as easily said she was actually a dying mouse for all the narrative impact this "shocking twist" had.
he mad you human so you could live with humans but kill them when time
Feferi: W)(ic)( is kind of silly, actually, since Mewt)(ree seems to be doing a good job at t)(at on )(is own.
I control you now" then salamence took out remote and control Sarah
Eridan: then salamence remembered that it didnt havve opposable thumbs
"no" said Sarah "now kill friends Jake and Paul" laughed Salamence evilly. Sarah charge hyper beam and aim at Jake "no don't" say Jake but Sarah couldn't stop it. But then Sarah think of how she love Jake and dint want to hurt him so she shot at tree instad "what no" say Salamence. "Mine control will never defeat poer of luv!"
Caliborn: *BARF*
Dave: dude that is just gross. how many gummy worms have you been eating anyway.
Caliborn: ALL THE GuMMY WORMS. ALL OF THEM.
Vriska: Yeeeeeeeah, that would probably do it.
say Sarah. Then salamence turn into jet
Gamzee: TrAsFoRmErS: mOrE ThAn mEeTs tHe eYe!
"if you won't kill friends then I will for you" but sarah turn into Articuno and used ice beam because it was his weakness and remote destroy "no" and fainted.
Meulin:
"so you are genetic expertiment" Jake"I guess so" said sarah
Aradia: lets c0mpletely ign0re the fact that y0ure entire life is n0w a c0mplete lie
"come on we have hurry!" and she turn into arodactil and they all got on and gly to bell toer "Ill get you mewthee
Dirk: Chapter 7: Directed by JJ Abrams this time.
Karkat: THE GOOD NEWS IS:
AM: this LAST CHAPTER every1 then it don
Feferi: W)(ic)( is kind of silly, actually, since Mewt)(ree seems to be doing a good job at t)(at on )(is own.
I control you now" then salamence took out remote and control Sarah
Eridan: then salamence remembered that it didnt havve opposable thumbs
"no" said Sarah "now kill friends Jake and Paul" laughed Salamence evilly. Sarah charge hyper beam and aim at Jake "no don't" say Jake but Sarah couldn't stop it. But then Sarah think of how she love Jake and dint want to hurt him so she shot at tree instad "what no" say Salamence. "Mine control will never defeat poer of luv!"
Caliborn: *BARF*
Dave: dude that is just gross. how many gummy worms have you been eating anyway.
Caliborn: ALL THE GuMMY WORMS. ALL OF THEM.
Vriska: Yeeeeeeeah, that would probably do it.
say Sarah. Then salamence turn into jet
Gamzee: TrAsFoRmErS: mOrE ThAn mEeTs tHe eYe!
"if you won't kill friends then I will for you" but sarah turn into Articuno and used ice beam because it was his weakness and remote destroy "no" and fainted.
Meulin:
"so you are genetic expertiment" Jake"I guess so" said sarah
Aradia: lets c0mpletely ign0re the fact that y0ure entire life is n0w a c0mplete lie
"come on we have hurry!" and she turn into arodactil and they all got on and gly to bell toer "Ill get you mewthee
Dirk: Chapter 7: Directed by JJ Abrams this time.
Karkat: THE GOOD NEWS IS:
AM: this LAST CHAPTER every1 then it don
Karkat: THE BAD NEWS IS:
tho I may make SEKWEL soon
sera to fly bell towel and say mewthree "mewthree I challenge you to pokemon battle" "ok" saw mewthree "I chooce me" and shoot black hole at sarah.
sera to fly bell towel and say mewthree "mewthree I challenge you to pokemon battle" "ok" saw mewthree "I chooce me" and shoot black hole at sarah.
John: Just going to destroy the planet now, then? Kinda overkill in my opinion.
"No" say sarah and dog. "I will creat world without pokemon trainers" said mewthree. "Humans make pokemon slave and I hate that and humans. I dint expect to see you again but you will not get in mi weigh." "you kill Oak an Lary an mewto and other people too. "say Sarah.
Karkat: HMM. THAT IS ACTUALLY A GOOD POINT. I WILL NOW COMPLETELY CHANGE MY MIND AND *MIND ZAP*
"You cant stop me I will kill al humans so that no one can be trainer!" say mewthree.
Dirk: For the upteenth time I would add.
Sarah point! "Shut up or I explode your head!"and became mewtwo too.
"Impossable! said mewtree" "You born me but now I kill you" said sarah. "You may be me but YOU ARE NOT LEVEL" and uses shadow bill it was super effect but eeve jumped in front and it dint hurt him. "Why help human?" said mewthee "I am friend of sarah" said eevee.
Mowthree was confused din't understan why eve help sarah"what is friend?" said mewthree.
"Impossable! said mewtree" "You born me but now I kill you" said sarah. "You may be me but YOU ARE NOT LEVEL" and uses shadow bill it was super effect but eeve jumped in front and it dint hurt him. "Why help human?" said mewthee "I am friend of sarah" said eevee.
Mowthree was confused din't understan why eve help sarah"what is friend?" said mewthree.
Karkat: *FACEPALM* OKAY I ADMIT EVEN IN CANON FRIENDSHIP ENDS UP SOLVING EVERYTHING, BUT COME ON PEOPLE. EVEN IN THE FIRST MOVIE ASH HAD TO FUCKING DIE BEFORE MEWTWO'S HEART WARMED OVER.
"friends are people who nice each other and help other and are" say jake but mew3 still not understan. "now I will firght for reind"Then Jake send out zorark witch he caut but forgot to tell and it use dark plus. "ow" said mewtwo then sarah became ms. drevus and evee umbrn and hurt mewthree too.
Mwthree fought bake too but couldnt. "nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
Mwthree fought bake too but couldnt. "nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
Dave: sigh.
and faint
tara was sad for mewthree and use revive. "why you do that" say paul "why you do that" say mewthree.
tara was sad for mewthree and use revive. "why you do that" say paul "why you do that" say mewthree.
Karkat: BECAUSE SHE'S AN IDIOT.
"mewthro humans shouldnt killed" say eevee "pokemon like train." mewthree was sad and mad and confuse. "sarah I will not kill humans now. " say mewthree and sarah knew he wasnt ling.
Terezi: OF COURS3 S4R4H 1SNT HUM4N SO 1 GU3SS M3WTHR33 COULD ST1LL K1LL H3R
Mewthree flew into sky with sad face. "I will help human now" and teleport awa.
"we did it!" sag paul. "yay!" say eevee. Then Jake and Sarah start kissin to celebrate. "sarah jake and paul you are heroes" say people and made a parade.
Jade Edwards: -|------ That was the biggest waste of time I've ever seen.
Tavros: i REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY,
Alfred: I think it's a bit flat, actually. Not as over-the-top as the badfics I like.
Lant: I thought the "genetics" plot twist was kind of amusing, but yeah. The whole thing was kinda dumb.
Electra: Sarah has got to be the most boring excuse for a main character that I've ever seen. She's got a decent motivation (sort of) but she doesn't really do anything with it.
John: There were some good parts, but really the funniest bit was how underplayed it was.
Rose: And to it's credit, the ending does tie up things nicely.
Roxy: Asside from the plot holes.
*aside
Eridan: wwhat wwas evven the point of that lovve triangle it wwas just there for a bit and then it got resolvved instantly i mean seriously
Kanaya: I Do Like The Fact That A Female Character Was A Genuine Hero Instead Of A Faux Action Girl Unfortunately That Was Literally The Only Thing I Liked
Gamzee: *Gamzee is confused! Gamzee hurt himself in confusion!*
Aradia: als0 killing 0ff pr0fess0r 0ak and gary was c0mpletely unnecessary
Vriska: And the fight scenes were all laaaaaaaame.
Nepeta: :33 < at least they didnt mess with my paul shipping.
Dave: im not looking foward to the sequel i can tell you that.
Jake: Well I thought it was okay. It was a decent pulp kinda story with an unexpected twist. What do you think, Karkat?
Karkat: WELL I THINK IT'S A PERFECT DECONSTRUCTION OF A RECONSTRUCTION OF THE ZEITGEIST OF WISH FULFILLMENT POLITICS AND *PHELOUS DO IT NOW! DO IT DO IT DO IT!*
Phelous: *standing in front of the anti-time bubble* Right! Ahem. Klatuu, Barada... whatever.
*The time bubble collapses, revealing Kotomine Kirei and Caius Ballad*
Kotomine Kirei: Huh. Well now.
Caius Ballad: *Punches Kotomine in the face for an instant K.O.* It's about time...
Prophet Gilesbie: Nooooo! what have u doooon1!
Karkat: AS "THE WASTE OF TIME", PHELOUS HAS THE INNATE POWER TO DESTROY TIME-BASED ANOMALIES. SO WHILE WE WERE READING THE SHITTY FANFIC I HAD HIM SNEAK UP INTO THE PLACE YOU WERE KEEPING HIM AND DEACTIVATE THE BUBBLE.
Jake: So you mean...?
Karkat: YES.
*John, Rose, and Roxy surround Gilesbie. She tries blasting them but Vriska taps her on the forehead to steal her luck, so she misses. Then Dirk stabs her with a glowing Katana, and rips out a pair of glowing orbs; one of which is vibrating rapidly, and the other is labled with Etro's symbol. He peels the vibrating orb off his sword, throws it away, and sticks the other orb back in, with Yeul's body no worse for wear.*
Paddra Nsu-Yeul: *blink* *blink* ...where am I and who are you people?
Jake: That's kind of a long story...
Caius Ballad: A story we'll have to save for later.
Dirk: Mission fucking accomplished.
Gilesbie: NOT QUITE!!!!
*Gilesbie's disembodied soul seeths with unholy power. There is a flash of brilliant dark energy, and soon a ressurected Orgy XIII (minus Troll Phelous) stands before the party.*
Gilesbie: u prepz think you can just walk all over us goffs. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOUJUST CANT OKAY CUZ SATAN HAS BLESSED US AND THAT MEANS WEREGONNA WIN!!!!!11!!!1!!ONE1!1!
The Devil: ACTUALLY I THINK IM GONNA SIT THIS ONE OUT.
Gilesbie: WAAAT?! BUT U PROMISED!
The Devil: I'M CALLED THE PRINCE OF LIES, REMEMBER? BESIDES YOUR WORLD IS KINDA DUMB. NOW IF YOU EXCUSE ME I'M GOING TO PLAY EARTHBOUND.
Gilesbie: DAMN IT!
Lant: Hey, can I lead the charge? There's something I've always wanted to use as a battle cry...
Caius Ballad: I don't see the harm in that.
Jake English: Sure why not?
Lant: Okay then. Ahem... AVENGERS, ASSEMBLE!
Pinkie: Eh.
Mewthree flew into sky with sad face. "I will help human now" and teleport awa.
"we did it!" sag paul. "yay!" say eevee. Then Jake and Sarah start kissin to celebrate. "sarah jake and paul you are heroes" say people and made a parade.
Jade Edwards: -|------ That was the biggest waste of time I've ever seen.
Tavros: i REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY,
Alfred: I think it's a bit flat, actually. Not as over-the-top as the badfics I like.
Lant: I thought the "genetics" plot twist was kind of amusing, but yeah. The whole thing was kinda dumb.
Electra: Sarah has got to be the most boring excuse for a main character that I've ever seen. She's got a decent motivation (sort of) but she doesn't really do anything with it.
John: There were some good parts, but really the funniest bit was how underplayed it was.
Rose: And to it's credit, the ending does tie up things nicely.
Roxy: Asside from the plot holes.
*aside
Eridan: wwhat wwas evven the point of that lovve triangle it wwas just there for a bit and then it got resolvved instantly i mean seriously
Kanaya: I Do Like The Fact That A Female Character Was A Genuine Hero Instead Of A Faux Action Girl Unfortunately That Was Literally The Only Thing I Liked
Gamzee: *Gamzee is confused! Gamzee hurt himself in confusion!*
Aradia: als0 killing 0ff pr0fess0r 0ak and gary was c0mpletely unnecessary
Vriska: And the fight scenes were all laaaaaaaame.
Nepeta: :33 < at least they didnt mess with my paul shipping.
Dave: im not looking foward to the sequel i can tell you that.
Jake: Well I thought it was okay. It was a decent pulp kinda story with an unexpected twist. What do you think, Karkat?
Karkat: WELL I THINK IT'S A PERFECT DECONSTRUCTION OF A RECONSTRUCTION OF THE ZEITGEIST OF WISH FULFILLMENT POLITICS AND *PHELOUS DO IT NOW! DO IT DO IT DO IT!*
Phelous: *standing in front of the anti-time bubble* Right! Ahem. Klatuu, Barada... whatever.
*The time bubble collapses, revealing Kotomine Kirei and Caius Ballad*
Kotomine Kirei: Huh. Well now.
Caius Ballad: *Punches Kotomine in the face for an instant K.O.* It's about time...
Prophet Gilesbie: Nooooo! what have u doooon1!
Karkat: AS "THE WASTE OF TIME", PHELOUS HAS THE INNATE POWER TO DESTROY TIME-BASED ANOMALIES. SO WHILE WE WERE READING THE SHITTY FANFIC I HAD HIM SNEAK UP INTO THE PLACE YOU WERE KEEPING HIM AND DEACTIVATE THE BUBBLE.
Jake: So you mean...?
Karkat: YES.
AND NOW THAT HE'S FREE, THE BASTARD CAN FINALLY HELP US WIN AND STUFF.
Caius: Except for one thing. She still possesses the body and soul of the Yeul. As long as she does, I darent lay a hand on her.
T-Rex: Well it's a good thing God told me to get this magical deus ex machina box! Let's see what's inside.
Utahraptor: *Gasp!* It's Empty?!
T-Rex: Of course! This must mean that the key to defeating Gilesbie was inside of us all along!
God: UH, ACTUALLY DUDE IT'S FALSE-BOTTOMED BOX.
T-Rex: Oh. Huh. Didn't know that. Ah here we go! It's some kind of... crystals?
Alfred: That's not just any crystal... they're fragments of a broken universe!
Jade Harley: but which one?
T-Rex: All I see when I look into one of them in it is a bunch of guys in spandex punching each other. Though if I squint I think I can see the words "Paragon City"...
Jade Edwards: -|------ Paragon City? I thought that universe was destroyed by some kind of freak, pan-dimensional earthquake.
Jake: And if I'm not mistaken, it looks about the right size to fit into one of the broken universes on the Orrery... Jade, I think we might be able to repair your universe.
Jade Edwards: -|------ Seriously?
Jake: Yes, I belive so... though it might not be the same as the one you originally remember.
Jade Edwards: -|------ That's fine. Crossing my own world with a superhero sounds... interesting. You've got yourself a deal, kid.
Prophet Gilesbie: Noooo! Bladevash, sic!
Bladevash: How dare you defy the prophet, traitor!
Jade Edwards: -|------ stay out of this, fuzzface!
Jake: Dave, go long!
Dave: got it.
*T-Rex tosses the box of crystals to Dave.*
Dave: now all I've got to do is patch up the totality of existence. no pressure.
*Dave jumps around like a ninja, shoving crystals into the universe-orbs, fixing them instantly. Bladevash tries to attack Dave, but Jake, Jade Harley and Eridan shoot him in the leg, stunning him until Jade Edwards can appear to defend Dave. Soon the Orrery is completely repaired, and Aradia freezes Bladevash in an anti-time bubble.*
Prophet Gilesbie: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes!
Dirk: Allright, now it's our turn. You know what to do?
John: right! we'll keep her busy, you go do the "prince of heart" thing!
*John, Rose, and Roxy surround Gilesbie. She tries blasting them but Vriska taps her on the forehead to steal her luck, so she misses. Then Dirk stabs her with a glowing Katana, and rips out a pair of glowing orbs; one of which is vibrating rapidly, and the other is labled with Etro's symbol. He peels the vibrating orb off his sword, throws it away, and sticks the other orb back in, with Yeul's body no worse for wear.*
Paddra Nsu-Yeul: *blink* *blink* ...where am I and who are you people?
Jake: That's kind of a long story...
Caius Ballad: A story we'll have to save for later.
Dirk: Mission fucking accomplished.
Gilesbie: NOT QUITE!!!!
*Gilesbie's disembodied soul seeths with unholy power. There is a flash of brilliant dark energy, and soon a ressurected Orgy XIII (minus Troll Phelous) stands before the party.*
Gilesbie: u prepz think you can just walk all over us goffs. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOUJUST CANT OKAY CUZ SATAN HAS BLESSED US AND THAT MEANS WEREGONNA WIN!!!!!11!!!1!!ONE1!1!
The Devil: ACTUALLY I THINK IM GONNA SIT THIS ONE OUT.
Gilesbie: WAAAT?! BUT U PROMISED!
The Devil: I'M CALLED THE PRINCE OF LIES, REMEMBER? BESIDES YOUR WORLD IS KINDA DUMB. NOW IF YOU EXCUSE ME I'M GOING TO PLAY EARTHBOUND.
Gilesbie: DAMN IT!
Lant: Hey, can I lead the charge? There's something I've always wanted to use as a battle cry...
Caius Ballad: I don't see the harm in that.
Jake English: Sure why not?
Lant: Okay then. Ahem... AVENGERS, ASSEMBLE!
*And thus began the most awesome battle in all of paradox space.*
*No, really. You really had to have been there.*
*Everyone was using laser swords and rocket launchers and T-Rex found another helicopter and everyone got cool fmv sequence summoning moves*
*And the final boss had eighteen different forms, each one more apocalyptic than the last, including one where they all turned into power rangers and fought using megazords that combined into bigger megazords*
*And once everyone ran out of swords and bullets they started using kung fu, nunchucks and hand granades, before Vriska got bored and just mixed up a dosage of "Trio of 9999"*
*And there were speeches about truth and love and free will and liberty and spirit and justice*
*And then the Suicide Squad fought the Secret Six but then they teamed up to destroy the Halo ring and kill the Prophet of Truth and they all got medals from President "The Situation"*
*And then Equius punched the universe in half and Pinkie Pie fixed it with Duct Tape*
*And then everyone got trapped in an illusionary world where they thought they had won but Pinkie Pie read the strategy guide so she knew that they had to return to mall that day to face the true final boss*
*And then Grant Morrison stopped Andrew Hussie and Edrobot from killing each other, and they combined their giant robots to create the Radiant Weapon O.M.E.G.A., which harnessed the power of everyone's imagination to fire a laser that cracked open the final boss' super duper true final for really reals form.*
*And then finally after defeating the final form Phelous lept into an exploding black hole under some misguided notion that doing so would somehow stop it form exploding. But it didn't. What a moron.*
*And then there was a fade to white, and it looked like everyone was dead, and a montage played featuring the first verse of Bohemian Rhapsody in the background. But then everyone turned out to be okay and on a beach somewhere in hawaii.*
Jake: Welp, the prophet gilesbie is defeated for good, miss edwards has been fully integrated into her new home dimension, caius ballad has promised never to harm any of us again, and we all won a free vacation to hawaii! All in a good days work, I say.
Karkat: YEAH. IT DOES FEEL GOOD TO ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING FOR ONCE WITHOUT FUCKING IT ALL UP.
Pinkie: And the best part is that nobody died this time!
Dave: except for troll phelous.
Jake: Oh yeah...
Karkat: I'LL MISS THE POOR BASTARD.
Dave: not to mention regular phelous.
Pinkie: Eh.
Karkat: FUCK THAT GUY.
Jake: We'll count our victories where we can find them.
Karkat: I JUST HOPE NEXT YEAR'S CHRISTMAS PARTY GOES BETTER.
Dave: yeah.
Jake: Still, I'm a bit worried. Now that we've solved out main conflict, what else is there for us to do on our show?
Dave: oh im sure we'll find something.
Jane Crocker: Guys! Guess what? Cronus is going to jump the shark! :D
Dave: oh man i totally have to see this.
Jake: Me too! What are we waiting for then?!
Karkat: IF HE DIES, I CALL DIBS ON HIS STUFF.
Pinkie: Wee! Shark party! I'll fetch the others! ^_^
*Pinkie Pie goes over to the volleyball court where Lant, Electra, and Derpy Hooves are playing against Al, Al's session's version of Diamonds Droog, and a Turtle in a cowboy hat*
Lant: Let's face it, Al. There's no way you're going to get past my impenetrable defence!
Electra: And between that and my royal offence, you commoners don't stand a chance!
Alfred: Oh yeah? Well take this! Level 9 Omnispike!
Pinkie: Guys! Guys! Cronus is going to jump the shark! ^o^
Electra: Who's going to do the what now? *Gets beaned by Al's vollyball*
Alfred: Ohmygodelectraareyouokaydearillcallanambulencewheresmyphoneohgodwheresmyphone?!???!?
Lant: Don't worry, It looks like she's going to be okay. Electra, how are you feeling.
Electra: I dunno... kinda dizzy... wait, it's all coming back to me!
Alfred: What? What is?
Electra: The reason! The reason I had for coming back in time. I need to stop... THE GREAT DISASTER!
Pinkie: DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN!
Electra: I'm being serious!
Pinkie: Oh. Sorry!
DETECTIVE?
Meanwhile, somewhere...
Monitor #1: Gentlemen. It has come to our attention that a great evil is about to awaken.
Monitor #2: We, the Monitors, guardians of the 52, have come to discuss a matter of grave importance.
Monitor #1: THE GREAT DISASTER will soon be upon us. And there is one question that must be answered.
Monitor #2: And that question is... "Should we do something?"
Monitor #3: *raises hand* I think we should do something!
Monitor #4: But should we do something?
Monitor #5: We should do something!
Monitor #6: Should we do something?
Monitor #7: We should do something!
Monitor #8: Should we do something?
Monitor #9: We should do something!
Monitor #10: Should we do something?
Monitor #11: We should do something!
Monitor #12: Should we do something?
Monitor #13: We should do something!
Monitor #14: Should we do something?
Monitor #15: We should do something!
Monitor #16: Should we do something?
Monitor #17: We should do something!
Stay tuned for season 4:
I have yet to read this, but the picture is possibly the best picture. Without any qualifiers whatsoever.
ReplyDeleteAnd now that I have read it I can safely say it was amazing.
ReplyDelete