Monarch: people of earth! unless you surrender to my demands and delivwer to me all the money in the wvorld to me, monarch, wvho is not cronus ampora, you'll nevwer see your belovwed san francisco again! MONARCH HAS SPOKEN!
Tavros Nitram: uHH, iF WE DID THAT WOULDN'T IT BE COMPLETELY WORTHLESS BECAUSE OF SIMPLE ECONOMICS,
Monarch: HA! i, monarch, wvho is not cronus ampora, scoff at such a ludicrous suggestion that i, monarch, could be wvrong about anything! in fact, i, monarch, and not cronus ampora, nowv decree that the more plentiful something is the more it is wvorth. AND I CAN TOTALLY DO THAT BECAUSE TIME TRAVEL!
Jake English: Not so fast, monarch! Your days of violating the laws of supply and demand are over!
Monarch: finally! wvhat took you guys so long to get here?
Dave: we got stuck doing a crossover to pimp out some story the producer wrote.
Karkat: NOW WHAT'S YOUR PLAN, ANYWAY? IT'S GOING TO BE SOMETHING SELFISH AND STUPID, ISN'T IT?
Monarch: Far from it! After I conquer your pathetic planet, I will scour it for The Worlogog, an artifact that contains a microcosm of our own univwerse! Then, using it, I will travel back in time to the beginning of creation, where I wvill become a god-
Karkat: YEP. SELFISH AND STUPID, JUST LIKE I SAID.
Pinkie Pie: You and Dr. Mrs. The Monarch will never get away with this!-+-
Monarch: ...wvho?
Pinkie Pie: You know... your wife. Arn't you that guy from The Venture Brothers?
Monarch: ...wvha? NO! That's THE Monarch. I'm just Monarch. Totally different.
Pinkie: Riiiiight...
Jake: Come on, chaps! Cry havoc, and let loose the dogs of war!
Monarch: HA! But don't you see? I can nevwer be defeated as long as I havwe THIS!
Jake: *GASP* The cliffhanger induction device!? By jove!
Monarch: Yes! Wvach helplessly, mortals, as your destinies spiral out of control before your vwery eyes!
Karkat: OH COME ON! YOU DON'T AUTOMATICALLY WIN JUST BECAUSE THE BATTLE HAPPENS OFFSCR-
Caius Ballad: ...and then there was a flash of light, as suddenly Caliborn... *sigh* "Released the Beast".
Terezi Pyrope: TH4NK YOU M1ST3R B4LL4D. 1 TH1NK TH1S MOR3 TH4N PROV3S TH4T C4L1BORN 1S 4 D3SP1C4BL3 W4ST3 OF SP4C3 WHO W4S MOR3 TH4N 4BL3 TO K1LL MS P41NT.
Lux Lexor: Xbjectixn! This incident is irrelivant to the current proceedings.
Gamzee: ObJeCtIoN SuStAiNeD.
Terezi: W1TH 4LL DU3 R3SP3CT YOU H4V3NT L3FT M3 W1TH MUCH CHO1C3 G1V3N HOW L3G4L M4N3UV3R1NG H4S FORC3D OUT P3RF3CTLY V14BL3 3V1D3NC3 1NCLUD1NG F1NG3RPR1NTS DN4 3Y3W1TN3SS T3ST1MON13S 4ND FOOT4G3 FROM TH3 P4TRONS OF TH3 1NT3RN4T1ON4L C4MCORD3R CONV3NT1ON TH4T MS P41NT W4S 4TT3ND1NG
Lux Lexor: All of that is irrelevant. I would like to remind the defense that Caliborn is not the one on trial here, Ms. Paint is.
Terezi: FOR H3R OWN MURD3R?
Lux: Yes, exactly. Caliborn simply thought she was being threatening and acted out of fear.
Caliborn: HAW HAW!
Terezi: N33D 1 R3M1ND YOU TH4T TRY1NG TO TURN TH1S 3P1SOD3 1NTO 4 S4T1R3 OF TH3 ST4T3 OF FLOR1D4 V G3ORG3 Z1MM3RM4N W1LL UN1NT3NT1ON4LLY D4T3 TH1S STORY 4ND POSS1BLY CONFUS3 FUTUR3 R34D3RS SHOULD NO 4CTU4L L3G1SL4T1ON R3L4T3D TO TH3 1NC1D3NT B3 P4SS3D?
Caliborn: DOES IT LOOK LIKE WE CARE?
Terezi: NO OF COURS3 1T DO3SNT. W3LL 1M OUT OF 1D34S. YOU TWO H4V3 4NYTH1NG?
Vriska: I dunno. May8e we could try stalling.
Nepeta: :33 < *jumps up and down excitedly* ooh! ooh! get them to read this!
Terezi: PHO3N1X WH1T3: R1GHT 4ND BLU3 TH3 JUST1F1C4T1ONS OF JUST1C3?
Vriska: Oh yeah, I read that once. May8e if we're lucky we can make the prosecutor so angry that his head explodes.
Terezi: WORTH 4 SHOT. YOUR HONOR 1 WOULD L1K3 TO PR3S3NT TH1S SH1TTY F4NF1C 4S MY N3XT W1TN3SS.
Lux: I dxn't see hxw that wxuld help yxur case...
Gamzee: Me nEiThEr. BuT I KiNdA WaNt tO FiNd oUt. PrOcEeD!
Phoenix White: Right and Blue, The Justifications of Justice! by CloudMistDragon
Phoenix White trembled in fear fearfully
Terezi: L3T TH3 R3CORD SHOW TH4T TH1S STORY 1S R3DUND4NTLY R3DUND4NT
as he standed in both the defendant's stand and sat on the defense attorney's bench (what else would you do on a bench) at the same time.
Lux: ...I'm gxing tx assume he's usinating sxme kind xf quantxm thing.
He had to defend himself once again, for once again, for his mentor Mia Fey had been murdered once more, and once more, he had been suspected thanks to Mr. White once again.
Terezi: 4ND ONC3 4G41N TH3 4UTHOR 1S B31NG R3DUND4NT ONC3 4G41N
How did it all happened...?
Nepeta: :33 < the defence would like to present exhibit a:
Lux: Um... xbjectixn?
Gamzee: MoThErFuCkInG OvErRuLeD.
Phoenix Wright was looking at his e-mails on the computer when the mailman slided a letter through the throrough mailbox slot in an electronic manner (robotic mailmen are possible in the future).
Lux: Xbjectixn! Rxbxtic mailmen are actually pxssible right nxw. They're just very impractical and serve nx clear purpxse.
He picked it up and redd it.
"I'M IN YOUR HOUSE," the letter read evilly,
Nepeta: :33< "eating ur foods"
"YOU JUST HAVE TO LET ME IN."
At that momentous, the door opened and it was...APRIL MAY!
"What are you doing here, April?" Phoenix gasped with air. "I thought you were in the big house in jail
Terezi: H3 R3DUND4NTLY S41D R3DUND4NTLY S41D
for hacking a website through Maya's phone!"
Lux: ...the prxsicutixn makes a preemptive mxtixn tx silence all discussixnatixn xf cxntunity prxblems, because the last thing I want is to argue the cxntinuity xf sxmething like this.
"On the day of my release, I breaked out just for you big brother!"
Caliborn: NO! I AM YOuR SHITTY TWIST!
Lux: what.
Vriska: Just wait, it gets better! 8888)
April May pounced and sunk her cat claws
Nepeta: :33< *frowns*
into Phoenix's chest like a brother.
"What do you mean if you meant that?" Phoenix debated. "I thought you hated me, we're not family!"
"Oh yes we are," April made, "we used to be Mr. White, the president of BlueCorp's pets. We were a cat and a bird, and you were my big brother, best friend forever!
Lux: ...what?
LIKE A CATS AND A MOUSE WE DID EVERYTHING TOGETHER TILL YOU DIED. That's enough to make me forget the hate. But through the power of future science, we became human!"
Lux: ...WHAT?!
"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOO!" Phoenix writed like paper.
Lux: WHY IS IT THAT THIS CLUMSISH METAHXR IS THE LEAST XF MY PRXBLEMS HERE?!
"Why didn't I remembered recalling this?"
"Because you have a bird brain, silly." April flirted like a straw. "The reason I remember this is because...I just...REMEMBER YOU KNOW!
Lux: THAT IS NXT AN ADEQUATEISH EXPLINATIXN FXR ANYTHING! THAT IS THE XPPXSITE XF AN EXPLINATIXN!
But that's not important, since Mr. White is dedd like the color read now, there is no one to run BlueCorp! White didn't have any children or friends or co-workers or strangers, so he left everything to his pets. You must take over BlueCorp Phoenix! It is your destiny!"
Lux: THIS IS STUPID! THIS IS STUPID! AREGAG DFAFREDSAGADSNJFRE KALGFDS AFEWAD- the prxsicutixn requestinates a fifteen minute recess.
Gamzee: SuStAnEd
Pyrope: (W3LL TH1S 1S BUY1NG US SOM3 T1M3 BUT W3R3 NO CLOS3R TO G3TT1NG C4L1BORN TO SP1LL H1S GUTS)
Vriska: (Don't worry a8out it, that idiot will say something stupid and/or incriminating eventually. Just try to keep his lawyer 8usy and he'll snap.)
Pyrope: W3 SHOULD CONS1D3R OTH3R OPT1ONS 1N TH3 M34NT1M3. HOWS TH3 1NV3ST1G4T1ON GO1NG
Nepeta: :33 < i just got a call from the station, detective stapler thinks he might have a lead on a potential suspect!
Detective Stapler: ARE YOU A PEDOPHILE!?
Cronus Ampora: no!
Detective Stapler: *PUNCH* ARE YOU A PEDOPHILE!?
Cronus Ampora: no!
Detective Stapler: *PUNCH* ARE YOU A PEDOPHILE!?
Cronus Ampora: if i said yes wvould you stop punching me?
Detective Stapler: Probably not. *PUNCH*
=====================
Terezi: UH Y34H 1 DONT TH1NK TH4TS GO1NG TO WORK
Gamzee: OkAy, YoU AlL MoThErFuCkInG ReLaXeD AnD StUfF?
Lux: Well yxur hxnxr, nxw that I've taken my happy pills I feel that me and this anthropomorphic elephant that I am hallucinating are in a state of mindness tx prxceed.
Gamzee: cOoL. cOuRt iS NoW BaCk iN Or wHaTeVeR.
Phoenix agreed, for he couldn't argue destiny, the same way he was destined to defend his clients, so he left a suspicious message to Maya asking her to buy miak so she wouldn't get suspicious.
Caliborn: COHERENT PLOTS ARE FOR THE WEAK!
He renamed BlueCorp WhiteCorp, because his true last name was now White, and he didn't use blueish blackmail to ruler over the authorities, he used whitemail. That meant he bribed them with money, cars, and doggie treats.
Terezi: TH3 D3F3NS3 WOULD L1K3 TO PO1NT OUT TH4T 1S ST1LL 1LL3G4L
Vriska: Also, how can 8lackmail 8e "8luish" anyway?
He didn't have to be a lawyer anymore, because he was rich now and the law was changed to "innocent until proven guilty", which meant that everyone was now innocent. Authorities didn't have to arrested people anymore because they were already innocent before trial started, so they couldn't be proven guilty.
Caliborn: THAT'S TOTALLY HOW THE LAW SHOULD WORK! BECAUSE IF IT DID I WOuLD TOTALLY KILL MS. PAINT AGAIN!
Lux: ...the prxsicutixn mxves tx have that statement stricken frxm the recxrd.
Caliborn: MuRDER IS SO AWESOME!
Lux: Erm, that too.
Gamzee: SuStAiNeD.
Terezi: YOUR HONOR H3 JUST CONF3SS3D TO-
Gamzee: HoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOnK. TwEnTy pOiNtS FrOm gRyFfInDoR.
Vriska: Well so much for that approach...
Terezi: 1T W4S YOUR 1D34
Vriska: Yes, 8ut I would have done it 8etter.
Everything was going great, until MAYA RETURNED HOME FROM THE STORE.
Nepeta: :33< *dun dun duuuuuuun!*
Phoenix thanked her, and then sent her out to buy milk from Japan, a long walk away from California. Because Maya was too preoccupied thinking about burgers, she agreed.
Terezi: 4ND TH3 S4D TH1NG 1S W3 N3V3R S33 H3R 4G41N SO 4PP4R3NTLY TH1S WORK3D
Lux: The prxicutixn wxuld like tx nxte that this is apparently xne xf thxse stxries that xnly wxrks because the characters are all dumber than a sack of pxtatxes.
Miawhile, Phoenix was planning to use the miak (SEE IT WASN'T A TYPO, HA HA FAT CHANCE)
Terezi: 1M H4V1NG 4 H4RD T1M3 B3L13V1NG TH4T G1V3N HOW M14K 1S NOT 4 R34L WORD
for something evil...He was going to use it to bring Mia Fey back to life with science!
Nepeta: :33 < the defense would like to present exhibit b!
But when Mia came back to life, she tripped over desk and fell out the window and onto a fire hydrant, and was run over by an ambulance, and PHOENIX WAS RESPONSIBLE.
Caliborn: GO AHEAD, MAKE MY SHITTY TWIST!
He tried to say that he was innocent until proven guilty, but the fact that someone was died proved that he was guilty like a fishy bird.
Lux: ...there are sx many thingies that are wrxgxus with that I dxn't even.
So that is what happens...NOW RESUMING COURT.
Because of the amount of evil evilled in Phoenix's evil crime of neglected stupidity, three prosecutors were resigned to the assignment of the case, Winston Payne, Miles Edgeworth, and Franziska von Karma, all sitting on the prosecutor's bench.
Vriska: Because as we all know, being indirectly involved in an accidental death is more evil than regular murder.
"COURT IS NOW IN THE RECESSION WHICH IS LIKE RECESS BUT RECESS IS OVER, SO COURT IS IN SESSION!" the judge proclaimed.
Terezi: M4YB3 K4RK4TS TH3 JUDG3 H3R3 4FT3R 34T1NG SOM3 OF G4MZ33S SOPOR SL1M3
"THE PROSECUTION IS READY AND REQUESTS NOT TO BE BADGERED BY PHOENIX BECAUSE HE IS GUILTY AND THE PROSECUTION IS NOT AND THE GUILTY DON'T HAVE A WRITE TO OBJECT ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE ABLE TO BE GUILTY ENOUGH TO BE GUILTY EVEN UNDER THE INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY LAW!"
Terezi: ...4ND 4PP4R3NTLY K4NKR1 1S TE3 PROS3CUTOR
the prosecution apertured.
Vriska: Unfortun8ly Cave Johnson did not take the stand. Pro8a8ly would have 8een a much 8etter story if he did.
"HOLD THE OBJECTION! IT HOLDS!" Phoenix held the power in his finger. "Judge, this explanation doesn't obey the laws of physics and it's kinda illogical!"
Lux: THANK YXU! FINALLY, sxmexne whx actually says sxmething xf reasxnablxcity!
"The court does not concern itself with gravity Phoenix unless it holds water!" the Judge said lofty.
Vriska: Silly phoenix! Logic has no place in this story!
"The prosecution's logic is odd, but it's scientific, and scientific is always logic, so it's sort of correct!
Lux: "Sxrt xf" correct? That's like saying that arsenic will "sxrt xf" kill yxu. Except in this case it's like saying Arsenic is "sxrt xf" healthy.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE ANY MORE OBJECTIONS UNTIL THE END OF-OWWWW!"
"DO NOT SPEAK THE TRUTH PRUDENT PRUDE OF WISE DECISIONS!" Franziska said as she whipped the judge. "IT IS REDUNDANT, FOR THE TRUTH IS ALREADY IN THE OPEN AIR, AND IT'S FLOATING OVER PHOENIX'S FACE!"
Nepeta: :33 < anything disagr33ing is heresy. anything agr33ing is supurrfluous.
"Hey, there's air in your face too you air-headed candy belt!" Phoenix thought.
Lux: Is that... suppxsed tx be an insult? I dxn't get it.
"You are doing a good job Phoenix...but you are also doing a bad job!" Edgeworth initialized like his ME (not the malevolent entity kind, hisself).
Edgeworth felt sorry for Phoenix, because he was his friend, but he was also his enemy, so he had to be mean and nice to Phoenix simultaneously to make everything good work!
Terezi: M1L3S 3DG3WORTH: M4ST3R OF QU4NTUM M3CH4N1CS OR SOM3TH1NG
"Anyways, the prosecution has three witnesses it would like to call to the stand." Winston bolded with his bald hair and bold statement. "Rich Wellington, Moe the Clone, and Matt Engarde."
"WAIT A MINNIE MOUSE (You're getting warmer...HEE HEE HEE)!"
Caliborn: SHITTY TWIST INCOMING!
the judge shouted. "All those convicts you listed...are convicted criminals! And they're in jail!"
"They were in prison my honor's your honor." Edgeworth venerated. "But they are all witnesses who knew about the crime and even thought they don't know the exact details of the crime, their imagination is strong enough for them to envision EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED ON THE SCENE EVEN THOUGH THEY DIDN'T SEE IT."
Lux: ... if they didn't see the crimeination, they aren't actually witnesses.
"Wow, truth really is stranger than fiction!" the slow judge fantasized rapidly.
"What is this, Aesop's Fables?" Phoenix commentaryed in his thoughts.
Lux: WHAT DXES THAT EVEN MEAN!?
"But wait, how are they out of prison?" the judge asked.
"With the growing power of the authorities, the prosecution had enough authority to give shovels, drills, saws, spoons, and doggie treats to the convicts so they could break out of prison." Edgeworth explained.
Lux: *starts drowning an entire bottle of "happy pills"*
"Wow, you prosecutors are nice." the judge admired. "You even give treats to the most unforgivable of people."
"Yes, everyone loves a Teacher's lone wolf." Phoenix Hungaryed in his thoughts.
Terezi: 4S YOU C4N S33 4T TH1S PO1NT TH3 4UTHOR H4S STOPP3D TRY1NG TO M4K3 4NY K1ND OF S3NS3 4ND H4S JUST ST4RT3D TYP1NG R4NDOM WORDS
"Anyway, the prosecution calls it's first-OWWW!" shouted Winston Payne.
"FOOLISH DOCTOR WHO HAS A HOUSE AS FOOLISHLY HEAVY AS A PAINFUL BROMANCE WITH NURSES AND MOTHERLY MEDICS FOOLISH AS SWEET HOME."
Caliborn: NO JOHN, YOu ARE THE FOOLS!
Franziska spouted out some blackly funny black comedy.
Vriska: You know it's starting to get to the point that our jokes a8out redundancy are getting redundant.
"We don't know need to call witnesses to the stand, it is a redundant method most redundant, for I have made things simpler by CALLING THEM ON THE PHONE BEFORE CALLING THEM. Rich Wellington, come!"
"My name is what the prosecutor just titled," Rich Wellington sucked down, "and I am the second greatest rated person in the world next to Johann Sebastian Bach, meaning I am a second-rate rich kid compared to you first-rate foals. Now as for the testimony-YYYYY!"
Rich Wellington choked himself to death with his teas until he was dead, and fell over and died.
Everyone gasped for air.
Vriska: Well that was pointless.
"HE'S DEAD AND NO ONE KNOWS WHY, SO SOMEONE EXPLAIN WHY!" the judge commanded.
"We don't know, but the show must go on!" Edgeworth proclaimed as he knew all about movies, stages, plays, ballets, and the courtroom.
Terezi: ONLY ON3 OF THOS3 TH1NGS 4CTU4LLY 4PPLY H3R3
"Our next witness, Moe the Clone, whose clone (think science!) can only be seen here, for the real one was put in prison again after his release for disturbing the peace!"
Moe the Clone came on the stage.
"I AM MOE THE CLOWN," Moe pressed his buttons, "AND I OWN A TAVERN! AHA AHA AHA! GET IT, IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S A SIMPSONS REFEREE AND I HEAR THAT SHOW IS REALLY FUNNY SO I'M FUNNY!"
Nepeta:
:33 < exhibit c: a simpsons reference of our own.
"It seems this witness makes unfunny jokes whenever his buttons are pressed," Franziska pushed her weight, "SO IF YOU PRESS HIM MR. PHOENIX WHITE, HE COULDN'T HELP IT, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! (I SHIT YOU NOT, THIS IS THE REASONING THEY USE IN THE GAME).
Lux: I have nx idea if that's true and honestly I dxn't care.
"FAULTS ARE FUNNY, ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE IN ROADS AND PEOPLE!" Moe punned horribly as he made a terrible pun about big turncoat t-shirts. He then laughed until he died.
Vriska: I guess there is some justice in this world...
"THESE ARE SOME OF THE WORST TESTIMONIES I'VE EVER TESTIFIED TO MY EARS,
Lux: Let alxne mine...
BECAUSE THEY DON'T EXIST, WHAT IS HAPPENING?" the judge demanded an answer.
"We are not in the zenith of knowing, but we must continue even to nadir!" Edgeworth reasoned. "Proceed to the final witness, Matt Engarde!"
"ON GUARD!" Matt banzaied like a cat (YOU'RE IN THE FURNACE!) with his aluminum sword made of nickel. "I-"
Just as he began the testimony, he accidently swung the sword into his head, severing into a part of his face, leaving a huge cut, and killing him as nickels flew out of the peeled graping cut.
Vriska: It takes a special kind of failure to do something that dum8, folks.
"I IS INDEED," the judge willed. "I DON'T SEE AN I THAT CAN BE SEEN BY AN ALL KNOWING EYE IN THIS LACK OF EYE-OPENING TESTIMONY! NOW THERE ARE NO WITNESSES LEFT! I SHALL HAVE TO POSTPONE THIS TRIAL UNTIL TOMORR-"
Lux: Nx! Please! I dxn't want any more of this insipidity!
Nepeta: :33 < *flips through dictionary* hey, what do you know? turns out that's a real word!
"HOLD IT!" DRUM DRUM DRUM drummed in everyone's ear drum as Franziska made music with her words.
"THE PROSECUTION DOES NOT WANT TO INVESTIGATE FOR ANOTHER DAY BECAUSE IT'S BORING AND WE LIKE SHOUTING MORE,
Terezi: W3 NOT1C3D
SO JUST IN CASE WE COULD NOT GATHER RELIABLE WITNESSES, THE PROSECUTION HAVE FORGED SOME PLAUSIBLE ALIBIS AND TRUE EVIDENCE STRAIGHT FROM THE PROSECUTION!" Franziska applauded herself.
"Very well," the judge replied, "I'm not a big fan of forgeries, but if they're true and for justice, THEN EVERYTHING IS CORRECTION."
Nepeta:
"First, the lullaby that will put the criminal to sleep in more ways than one," Franziska hushed. "PHOENIX WHITE HAS GROWN SO POWERFUL OVER A RULER OF THE AUTHORITIES THAT HE IS BECOME A DEITY. HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEATH OF EVERY MORTAL BEING IN THE UNIVERSE ACCOUNTED, EVEN THE ONES WHO ARE IRRECOUNTABLE. HE BROUGHT MIA FEY BACK TO LIFE BECAUSE HE LOVED HER AND HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNEW SHE WAS ALIVE, THEREFORE, HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO HAD A MOTIVE TO KILL HER, THE DEMONIC DEMON."
Vriska: Okay, I've heard of trumped-up charges, 8ut this is just silly!
"What reasoning is that, you try being the deity of the world!" Phoenix DeifyfienFeenPhoened.
"YOUR ACCOUNT COUNTS FOR RESPONSIBLE THINKING, FRANZISKA," the judge numbered the days. "But you're going to need a presentation of presentable proof."
"I do..." Franziska got out a scrap of paper with the words "PROOF THE DEFENDANT KNOWN AS PHOENIX WHITE IS GUILTY"
Gamzee: ThAt eXpLaNaTiOn iS MoThErFuCkInG AiRtIgHt.
(It worked with griffins and chimaeras faces in books, and this pun is a draconequestria of a lot of different things) written on it and presented it to the court. "Here is the finishing blow, you broken combination!"
"Hmm..." the judge thought decisively. "THIS PROOF HAS PROOF WRITTEN ALL OVER THE PAPER AND IN THE PUDDING. I THINK THIS IS ENOUGH TO MAKE MY VERDICT!
"No, judge please!" Phoenix pleaded. "I know I'm too late, but it's not too late!"
"Sorry Phoenix," the judge condolenced, "but you are..."
"HOLD IT!" BOOM BANG BEES
Nepeta:
exploded the courtroom walls and everyone was sucked inside Phoenix's head.
Lux: o_0
"Neither innocent or guilty." Mia replied as she appeared and the landscape became clouded with clouds (YOU'RE CELESTIAL!).
Lux: o_0
"Mia!" Phoenix shouted. "You're alive three times now! What happens, this did not make sense!"
Lux: o_0
"Phoenix, the courtroom never existed, because you are a mouse!" Mia surmised. "You were not Mr. White's pet bird, you were his pet mouse and you got killed by his pet cat April May! That is why we were all so catty and mousey, because you imagined us all!"
Caliborn: A SHITTY TWIST, SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED.
"HOLD IT!" Phoenix realized. "Then that must mean that we're in..."
"Heaven." Mia augusted. "The place where everyone has an overactive imagination because they get bored of being dead, the only place where you could've imagined that you were a bird and a defense attorney and a mythical creature!"
*LUX LEXOR IS CONFUSED!*
Lux: PLPBLPBLPBPBLBPLBPLBPLBPLBPLBPL
*LUX LEXOR HURT HIMSELF IN CONFUSION!*
THE END.
"NO! This can't be! I objection to this ending!" Phoenix objected. "The ending is never ended!"
Then it was all final.
Lux: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Gamzee: AlLlRiGhT, i'm gEtTiNg bOrEd. ClOsInG StAtEmEnTs?
Lux: Yes, yxur hxnxr. This stxry is incredibly stupid, makes nx lxgical sense, and most of all has nx bearing xn the trial xf Ms. Paint whatesxver.
Gamzee: AnD ThE DeFeNsE?
Terezi: M3MB3RS OF TH3 JURY. MS P41NT D1D NOT K1LL H3RS3LF 4ND 1T 1S STUP1D TO TH1NK TH4T SH3 WOULD. 4LSO C4L1BORN H4S B33N 4SS3MBL1NG 4 NUCL34R W4RH34D 4LL TH1S T1M3 1N C4S3 YOU H4V3NT NOT1C3D
Caliborn: OH, uHHHHH... *looks at warhead* YOU MEAN THIS THING? ITS UH... A FAMILY HEIRLOOM!
Gamzee: FoOl mE OnCe, ShAmE On yOu. FoOl mE TwIcE, sHaMe oN Me. FoOl mE ThReE TiMeS... wElL I FoRgEt tHe rEsT BuT YoU'Re mOtHeRfUcKiNg gUiLtY. i sEnTeNcE CaLiBoRn tO Be hAnDcUfFeD To hIs lAwYeR, aNd tHeN bOtH oF ThEm WiLl Be HuNtEd dOwN By tHe sUiCiDe sQuAd.
*Ballif chains Lux to Caliborn*
Lux: WHAT?! But I'm innocent! I didn't do anything!
============FLASHBACK TO PREVIOUS EPISODE============
Lux: I stole FXURTY CAKES... xf WEAPXNS GRADE PLUTXNIUM!
=========================
Lux: Uhhhh.... okay nevermind.
============MEANWHILE==============
*FZZZP*
Alfred: Okay, now we're back on track. What world are we in this time? STOP.
Monitor Bob: Earth-39. A world a where the allied powers lost World War II!
Alfred: Oh. Well, cultures do change over time, and as the fall of the Soviet Union has showed us totalitarianism is not the default state of mankind. Hopefully by this time the Nazi Party has has fallen out of favor and has been replaced by a somewhat less fanatical government. STOP
Nazi Roxas: HEIL HITLER!
Lant Kreck: ...or maybe the multiverse just hates us.
Lant Kreck: ...or maybe the multiverse just hates us.
Electra Pendragon: You again?!
Nazi Roxas: Correct, fraulein After dyink, I have been revived by Nazi Super-Science as an unstoppable cyborg!
Electra: That's nice. *BANG*
Nazi Roxas: Ach! Bullets! Mein cyborg body's one weakness! I have been slain! Again! *DEAD*
Alfred: So was Phelous here?
Opal Edwards: Print("Not for very long. He left in a hurry... almost like he was being chased by...")
Captain Nazi: None other than zhe great Captain Nazi!
Lant: *FLIP* *FLIP* *FLIP* Yeah, turns out that's a real comic book villain.
Captain Nazi: Zhe one known as Phelous had been levink weeks ago! I would have pursued him, but alas, my connection with zhe their reich would have left me powerless should I tread In another dimension!
Alfred: Cool story, bro. Are you going to help us for the greater good of the cosmos? STOP
Captain Nazi: Of course not! Don't be redikulous!
Alfred: Okay. Electra, would you please do the honors?
Electra: Eh. *BANG*
Captain Nazi: Ach! I have been slain! But how?! Zhe third reich is eternal! *DEAD*
Opal: Print("Well as it stands, regardless of her origins Electra Pendragon clearly possesses a Noble Phantasm, a weapon made from the catalyzed essence of human memories. From what I can tell, Electra's phantasm in particular can enchant any weapon to function as an E-rank Phantasm. \n While this may seem conceptually similar to the ability possessed by Berserker of Fate/Zero, there are a few key differences. First of all, the subject matter of what can be enchanted is more flexible. But, unfortunately, the weapons themselves break down at a prodigious rate, leaving them-")
Green Lantern Ring: *BWEEP BWEEP BWEEEP BWEEP*
Alfred: Uh... what's that? STOP
Lant: Oh, that's just the Exposition Alarm. It lets us know when we're spending too much time explaining things and not enough time actually doing stuff. You see, they were installed because modern sequential art favors a more "decompressed" style than the incredibly verbose stories of the Silver Age-
Green Lantern Ring: *BWEEP BWEEP BWEEEP BWEEP*
Lant: Uh... yeah. Another time, perhaps.
Monitor Bob: Hold fast, team. I've just detected psychromatic residue in the vicinity. It appears that after Phelous' brief stop here, he immediately left to Earth-17!
Alfred: Is that the steampunk world? Tell me that's the steampunk world.
Monitor Bob: Actually it's the "reverse gender world". You know, like on that episode of Adventure Time.
Alfred: Oh. Well. That's still pretty co-
Monitor Bob: Oh no! It appears that Caliborn, under the guidance of Lucifer, under the command of Darksied, who was totally being manipulated by Monitor Solomon in a tie-in miniseries that you'll never bother to read, has unwittely... "Unleashed the Beast!"
Lant: Can you people stop saying that? That movie was released months ago!
Monitor Bob: What movie?
Lant: *facepalm* Nevermind...
Bob: Oh no! The Beast has destroyed the Nazi Parliament where Hitler's immortal brain controls the whole world from his nutri-tube!
Electra: WOO HOO!
Bob: And now he's killing seven million soldiers every second!
Electra: Well... I can't say I'll really miss them. They ARE Nazi's after all.
Bob: And now he's eating babies, exterminating the elderly, and setting pregnant women on fire with his heat vision!
Electra: Uhhhhhhh...
Alfred: What kind of inhuman, soulless monster could cause devastation of such horrific magnitude? STOP
The Beast: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! *STOP*
Alfred: *GASP*! It's my evil alternate future self! STOP
Lant: Woah. A legitimate plot twist? One that actually had a bit of build up to it?
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: That's right! Thanks to that idiot known as Caliborn, I have been released from the Recursive Void Session you imprisoned me in, and now I will return to my own world as the triumphant hero like I deserve to be. *STOP*
Alfred: But that's impossible! Our earth is already gone! We couldn't go back to it even if we wanted to! STOP
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: THEN I WILL TEAR THIS MULTIVERSE APART MOLECULE BY MOLECULE SO THAT I MAY REASSEMBLE THE COSMOS AS I SEE FIT! *STOP*
Opal: Print("That sounds incredibly tedious.")
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: Well I'm immortal. What else am I going to do for a hobby? *STOP*
Electra: So you must be the one responsible for The Great Disaster!
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: Great Disaster? What's that? *STOP*
Electra: A cataclysm that lead to the ruined state of the future I come from, where savage, animalistic mutants roam the countryside in mindless hordes, and my father's kingdom is the last remnant of civilization.
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: Mmmm... yeah, that does sound like something I might do. *STOP*
Electra: NO MORE TALKING! I KILL YOU! *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: Ha! To quote The Prince of Space, your weapons are useless against me! My centuries wandering the void among the horrorterrors has given me an immunity to magic! *STOP*
Lant: Oh yeah? Well taste WILLPOWER, scumbag! *BLAAAAASST*
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: *BURP* Delicious! Could use more salt, though. *STOP*
Lant: DAMN IT.
Electra: Al, please tell me you have some kind of crazy God-Tier power you can pull out of your ass.
Alfred: Uh... yeah, about that. I never actually made God Tier. Sorry! STOP
Opal: Print("And don't look at me; I'm a pacifist.")
Bob: It appears that our only course of action is to leave with haste! Hopefully, Phelous will have the means to stop this madman...
Electra: I kind of doubt that idiot would be of any use. Unless this idiot is afraid of dead bodies.
Alfred: And yet it's still our only lead! Good thing I invented the Cliffhanger Induction Device! STOP
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: WHAT?! You think you can escape just because you have a fancy toy?! Fool! Our battle has only just begu-
Jane Crocker: Hm. Well that episode was kind of dumb. It seems like they're just throwing in random plot twists for the hell of it. If only I hadn't mysteriously lost my God Tier powers during Episode 26, perhaps I could do something.
Her Imperious Condensation: yo.
Jane: Oh dear lord, it's the Condense! Aaaaaaaaah!
The Condense: hey yo clam up allready. if i wuz here to put a cap in yo head i woulda dun it sooner.
Jane: Oh. Um. Okay. What are you here for, then?
The Condense: ya remember back when i wuz mind controllin youz
Jane: Um... don't we have a policy against Homestuck spoilers?
The Condense: yeah fuck that. anyway i wuz feeling all bad about that and whatever so im here to make youz a deal. swear everlasting loyalty to me and promise to kill all of your friends and ill give you your god-tier powaz back.
Jane: ...that's a terrible deal.
The Condense: okay yeah i wuz just kidding. im really here to give you this necklace.
Jane: ...what does it do?
The Condense: just put it on an say the magic words "secret wizard" and awesome happens
Jane: "Secret Wizard?" What does he have to do with-
*Andrew Hussie kicks down the door*
Andrew: No, wait! Don't say those words!
*KA-LIGHTNING!*
The Condense: yo too late huss. now that shes accepted the power of lord english nothing can stand in her way. so sis howya feeln
Jane English: I FEEL LIKE I COuULD DESTROY THE WORLD! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
The Condense: okay maybe i didnt think this part through.
Lant: *FLIP* *FLIP* *FLIP* Yeah, turns out that's a real comic book villain.
Captain Nazi: Zhe one known as Phelous had been levink weeks ago! I would have pursued him, but alas, my connection with zhe their reich would have left me powerless should I tread In another dimension!
Alfred: Cool story, bro. Are you going to help us for the greater good of the cosmos? STOP
Captain Nazi: Of course not! Don't be redikulous!
Alfred: Okay. Electra, would you please do the honors?
Electra: Eh. *BANG*
Captain Nazi: Ach! I have been slain! But how?! Zhe third reich is eternal! *DEAD*
Opal: Print("Well as it stands, regardless of her origins Electra Pendragon clearly possesses a Noble Phantasm, a weapon made from the catalyzed essence of human memories. From what I can tell, Electra's phantasm in particular can enchant any weapon to function as an E-rank Phantasm. \n While this may seem conceptually similar to the ability possessed by Berserker of Fate/Zero, there are a few key differences. First of all, the subject matter of what can be enchanted is more flexible. But, unfortunately, the weapons themselves break down at a prodigious rate, leaving them-")
Green Lantern Ring: *BWEEP BWEEP BWEEEP BWEEP*
Alfred: Uh... what's that? STOP
Lant: Oh, that's just the Exposition Alarm. It lets us know when we're spending too much time explaining things and not enough time actually doing stuff. You see, they were installed because modern sequential art favors a more "decompressed" style than the incredibly verbose stories of the Silver Age-
Green Lantern Ring: *BWEEP BWEEP BWEEEP BWEEP*
Lant: Uh... yeah. Another time, perhaps.
Monitor Bob: Hold fast, team. I've just detected psychromatic residue in the vicinity. It appears that after Phelous' brief stop here, he immediately left to Earth-17!
Alfred: Is that the steampunk world? Tell me that's the steampunk world.
Monitor Bob: Actually it's the "reverse gender world". You know, like on that episode of Adventure Time.
Alfred: Oh. Well. That's still pretty co-
*Rumble*
Monitor Bob: Oh no! It appears that Caliborn, under the guidance of Lucifer, under the command of Darksied, who was totally being manipulated by Monitor Solomon in a tie-in miniseries that you'll never bother to read, has unwittely... "Unleashed the Beast!"
Lant: Can you people stop saying that? That movie was released months ago!
Monitor Bob: What movie?
Lant: *facepalm* Nevermind...
*EXPLOSION*
Bob: Oh no! The Beast has destroyed the Nazi Parliament where Hitler's immortal brain controls the whole world from his nutri-tube!
Electra: WOO HOO!
Bob: And now he's killing seven million soldiers every second!
Electra: Well... I can't say I'll really miss them. They ARE Nazi's after all.
Bob: And now he's eating babies, exterminating the elderly, and setting pregnant women on fire with his heat vision!
Electra: Uhhhhhhh...
Alfred: What kind of inhuman, soulless monster could cause devastation of such horrific magnitude? STOP
The Beast: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! *STOP*
Alfred: *GASP*! It's my evil alternate future self! STOP
Lant: Woah. A legitimate plot twist? One that actually had a bit of build up to it?
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: That's right! Thanks to that idiot known as Caliborn, I have been released from the Recursive Void Session you imprisoned me in, and now I will return to my own world as the triumphant hero like I deserve to be. *STOP*
Alfred: But that's impossible! Our earth is already gone! We couldn't go back to it even if we wanted to! STOP
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: THEN I WILL TEAR THIS MULTIVERSE APART MOLECULE BY MOLECULE SO THAT I MAY REASSEMBLE THE COSMOS AS I SEE FIT! *STOP*
Opal: Print("That sounds incredibly tedious.")
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: Well I'm immortal. What else am I going to do for a hobby? *STOP*
Electra: So you must be the one responsible for The Great Disaster!
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: Great Disaster? What's that? *STOP*
Electra: A cataclysm that lead to the ruined state of the future I come from, where savage, animalistic mutants roam the countryside in mindless hordes, and my father's kingdom is the last remnant of civilization.
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: Mmmm... yeah, that does sound like something I might do. *STOP*
Electra: NO MORE TALKING! I KILL YOU! *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: Ha! To quote The Prince of Space, your weapons are useless against me! My centuries wandering the void among the horrorterrors has given me an immunity to magic! *STOP*
Lant: Oh yeah? Well taste WILLPOWER, scumbag! *BLAAAAASST*
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: *BURP* Delicious! Could use more salt, though. *STOP*
Lant: DAMN IT.
Electra: Al, please tell me you have some kind of crazy God-Tier power you can pull out of your ass.
Alfred: Uh... yeah, about that. I never actually made God Tier. Sorry! STOP
Opal: Print("And don't look at me; I'm a pacifist.")
Bob: It appears that our only course of action is to leave with haste! Hopefully, Phelous will have the means to stop this madman...
Electra: I kind of doubt that idiot would be of any use. Unless this idiot is afraid of dead bodies.
Alfred: And yet it's still our only lead! Good thing I invented the Cliffhanger Induction Device! STOP
Evil Alternate Future Alfred: WHAT?! You think you can escape just because you have a fancy toy?! Fool! Our battle has only just begu-
DETECTIVE
Her Imperious Condensation: yo.
Jane: Oh dear lord, it's the Condense! Aaaaaaaaah!
The Condense: hey yo clam up allready. if i wuz here to put a cap in yo head i woulda dun it sooner.
Jane: Oh. Um. Okay. What are you here for, then?
The Condense: ya remember back when i wuz mind controllin youz
Jane: Um... don't we have a policy against Homestuck spoilers?
The Condense: yeah fuck that. anyway i wuz feeling all bad about that and whatever so im here to make youz a deal. swear everlasting loyalty to me and promise to kill all of your friends and ill give you your god-tier powaz back.
Jane: ...that's a terrible deal.
The Condense: okay yeah i wuz just kidding. im really here to give you this necklace.
Jane: ...what does it do?
The Condense: just put it on an say the magic words "secret wizard" and awesome happens
Jane: "Secret Wizard?" What does he have to do with-
*Andrew Hussie kicks down the door*
Andrew: No, wait! Don't say those words!
*KA-LIGHTNING!*
The Condense: yo too late huss. now that shes accepted the power of lord english nothing can stand in her way. so sis howya feeln
Jane English: I FEEL LIKE I COuULD DESTROY THE WORLD! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
The Condense: okay maybe i didnt think this part through.
DETECTIVE X2 COMBO
Does thew Condense contain the condensed evil of the Condesce? Also I predict that Monarch really isn't Cronus because the executives didn't want to kill off such a popular character and it's actually Nepeta or some shit.
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