Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 37

MEANWHILE, IN DEATH VALLEY,

CALIBORN AND LUX LEXOR ARE ON A MAGICAL JOURNEY

OF SELF-DISCOVERY, WHERE THEY MUST LEARN TO OVERCOME

THEIR DIFFERENCES TO SURVIVE

Caliborn: YOu'RE SO GAAAAAY.

Lux Lexor: Shut up.

Caliborn: GAAAAAAAAAY.

Lux Lexor: Shut up.

Caliborn: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

Lux: Xkay, first xf all I'm nxt gay, I'm 'Pansexual'. Secxnd, a hate-crush is a perfectly normal thing fxr a Trxll my ageitude tx have, even if it is with sxmexne outside my xwn species.

Caliborn: I'M SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOu BECAuSE OF HOW GAY YOu SOuND. DID I MENTION YOu'RE GAY? BECAuSE YOu ARE. GAY. AND THAT MEANS YOu SUCK! DICK! BECAuSE YOu'RE GAY! HA HA AH AH AH AH AH AH AH!

Lux: Gxg, if xnly yxu'd just die xf a gunshxt wxund xr sxmething.

*BANG*

Calborn: *DEAD*

Lux: ...um, I mean if xnly yxu expirated due tx a millixn dxllars falling xn yxur head.

*BANG*

Lux: GAAAH! MY LEG!

The Great And Powerful Trixie: Good work, team. Thanks to my leadership, the Suicide Squad has accomplished another sucessful mission!

Sho Minamimoto = √(SOCATOA!)

Gamzee: NoW CoMe oN, wE CaN'T KeEp tHe bOsS WaItInG. sHe sAiD To cApTuRe tHeSe mOtHeRfUcKeRs dEaD Or aLiVe aNd tHaT'S JuSt wHaT We'rE GoNnA Do.

Lux: Wait, weren't yxu the judge at my trial?

Gamzee: YeAh, I'M PrEtTy mUlTiTaLeNtEd.

Lux: ...If I accused yxu xf cxrruptixn, wxuld I get a retrial? 

Gamzee: PrObAbLy nOt.

Lux: ...sx it gxes.

Jake English: Gosh darn it! I just cannot believe how through of a thrashing monarch gave us once we were offscreen!

Dave Strider: yeah. that eagle gun was just ridiculous.

Karkat Vantas: I'M GONNA HAVE BEAK MARKS FOR WEEKS.

Pinkie Pie: If only there was a kind wizard who could give us a miraculous power that we can use to fight back against monarch! And also maybe he could give me a sack of money. 
-_-

*SHAZAM!*

Dave: woah. where are we?

Secret Wizard: We are at the Rock of Infinity, and I am the SECRET WIZARD! I have come to grant you a  miraculous power that you can use to fight back against Monarch! Oh, and here's a sack of money!

Pinky: YAAAY! ^0^

Karkat: OKAY, MAKE WITH THE POWERS ALREADY. WE'RE KIND OF ON A TIGHT SCHEDULE.

Secret Wizard: Okay! But first you must prove your worthiness... by reading me a bedtime story!

Karkat: HOW DOES THAT PROVE US WORTHY OF ANYTHING?

Secret Wizard: I dunno. That's just what it says in the Secret Wizard Rulebook!

Karkat: YOU IT SAYS HERE YOU WROTE THE GODDAMN RULEBOOK.

Secret Wizard: Exactly! And rule number one says that the judgement of the Secret Wizard is infallible! So who better than to write the Secret Wizard rules than the Secret Wizard himself?

Karkat: THAT IS... I JUST... AAARGH.

Jake: Uh... how about we tell you the story of dave stider and the cruse ship of doom?

Secret Wizard: Oooh! I never heard that one! How does it begin?

Jake: Well, i guess it all started once upon a time in kanto...

dave locked at his map adn potend to a place on it. we hav to go HERE next! dave exclamed. 

Pinkie: Hmm, "Mordor"... sounds like a lovely place for a picnic! ^-^

we hav to go to FUCSHA TOWN and get a badge! oh yeah thats prety clos to here. 

Dave: why is it that geography is one of the few things this story doesnt get wrong??

tezeri siad we can get ther in a few daze if we lev now. lets go then guys! will sed.

so dey all agreed to go to fucsha town adn they left verdemillion but purpler fishman sed WAIT! I wuz suposed to give you hm surf but i am all ot so take a ticet to my CRUS BOAT INSTED! oh my good we get a boat ride? tereti yelled. yes fishman siad. it will tak you rite to fucsha town so you don have to walk.

menwile team bad wuz watchig from arund a corner. 

Karkat: CUE WACKY HIJINKS.

you here that jack? kartkat sed ther taking a cruz on a ship! this is a perfect chan to kill dvea adn trow his pokermon i2 the sea! 

KARKAT: THUS WASTING COUNTLESS HOURS TO ACHIEVE PETTY REVENGE AT THE COST OF OUR HEALTH, OUR SANITY, AND OUR CAREERS! WHY ARE WE DOING THIS AGAIN?

NO YOU RETARDED TROLL. Jcak yelled we must steel GROUNDOON and use him to rul the entre world! 

Pinkie Pie:

Whoops! Wrong clip! ^-^

Dave: close enough.

we can stil kil dav though becuz i hate him. 

Dave: haters gonna hate.

but how r we gonna get onto taht ship karkit asked we dont have tickets! 

Karakt: YEAH, I MEAN IT'S NOT AS IF WE'RE CARTOONISH SUPERVILLAINS WITH NO RESPECT FOR THE LAW. SERIOUSLY, STORY-SELF; DO YOU EVEN LISTEN TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU SPEAK?

it is easy jack sed. we must wear a disgus.

Dave: what a novel idea thats never been done before.

so dave and friends wnet on the ship and took a set at teh main diner hall becuz it was dinner adn they were hungy becuz they did not eat for a logn time. 

Jake: Which only makes sense. After all, when groundoon says it wants to eat your hamburger, are you ever really in a position to say "no"?

outsid, jack and kitkat wer trying to get on the ship by usig a fake mustac to lok like one of the oter passgers.

Pinkie: Pinkie Pie? Who is zhiz "Pinkie Pie" of vhich you speak? 
^┏_┓^

the tiket taker man wud not let them on thog so jcak STABBED HIM! and him and karkit teleported insife.

Jake: Ah! A classic example of "cutting the gordian knot".

Dave: theyre the best.

jack ponted at dave. Dave yu will dye now becuz i have a better pokermon that even sadow luigia. 

Karkat: IN THE TIME IT TOOK YOU TO SAY THAT, GROUDON COULD HAVE EATEN YOU ALIVE.

dave sed what becuz he did not recoize jcak becuz of his disguse. who are u guys? dave asked. 

Karkat: *facepalm* WHO THE HELL ELSE COULD IT BE!?

WE ARE TEAM BAD. AND U WILL GIVE US GROUNDOON. karkart screamed. oh yeah right. dave sed. 

Dave: im sorry i just have trouble remembering things unless you repeat them over and over again like i was some kinda moron. what were we talking about again?

he sent out GROUNDOON and sed i hope i don have to KICK YO BUTT like larst time jcak. 

Dave: so you want to lose?? because thats kinda what youre saying.

jack chucked and sed NO. my new pokmon is ultramate! go ZERKRON. 

Jake: The plot thickens! First shadow lugia, now zekrom, how is this criminal mastermind not already the head of his organization? Or is he just sticking around so he can fleece team rocket of mewtwo?

Dave: dude. youre looking waaay too far into this.

adn he sent out ZERKROON ((witch wuz also a leg end form black adn wite version)). oh no dave sed, he wuz scarsed becuz ZEKRON wuz the storngest dragun pokemon in the WORLD. 

normally he cud use artquake adn kill him becuz ZERKRON wuz electric typo but if he used it her it wud SINK THE SHIP!

Jake: Alas, it looks like jack noir has our hero trapped, but good!

Jcak orderfed ZERKROM to use tunderbolt adn it hurt GROUNDOON but it did not faint him. 

Dave: blah blah types dont work that way blah blah.

you gonne giv up yet looser? jack tunted. dave wuz worried now but then he hard an idea. 

Pinkie: A social network for carrier pigeons! I'll make millions!
^-^

GROUNDOON. USE PUNCH. GROUNDOON sharped his claw i2 a first adn punched ZERKONIUM in da face adn he fell bak out the window. 

Dave: remember kids. the solution to all of lifes problems is a good punch in the face.

Jack growled and sed i will ger you next time dav and teleproted out. Kitkat stud there for a secong becuz jcak left him behing, but he quicpkly jumped ot the window and swum back to shor while swearing at dav. Dave grinned adn sat down next 2 terki. this was gud day.

Pinkie: NEXT CHAPTER! ^0^

dav steped off the ship. he tuned around to his pals adn said here we r at FUCSHA TOWN. lets go 2 the gym terezi todl him. dvea though this was a good decistion so the went tpo check out the gym adn it was CLOSET. NOOOOOOOOOO THE GYM IS CLOSED!1 dave creamed.

Karkat: OKAY, AUTHOR? JUST IMAGINE FOR A SECOND HOW RIDICULOUS THIS WHOLE SCENE LOOKS FROM AN OUTSIDE PERSPECTIVE. A TEENAGE HIPSTER. SCREAMING HIS LUNGHS OUT. BECAUSE THE FUCKING GYM IS CLOSED. DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW REAL PEOPLE ACTUALLY ACT?

Jake: By jove you're right! Though i am quite a fan of the series if i do say so my self, i am utterly flabbergasted that at the unrealism of the dialogue in this story, wot-wot.

Dave: oh man i just made a techno dance remix of that thing you just said. now i need to get my sockpupets to start downvoating it on youtube so it doesnt reach 4chan and become mainstream.

Pinkie: Hey guys! Watch how many eggs I can juggle while riding a unicycle! WooooAAAH *SMASH* @_@

Karkat: ...I REALLY NEED TO FIND NEW FRIENDS. 

wait guys will sed. he picked up a map adn sed here check ot my map. 

Dave: it says here that if you push aside the truck where the s.s. anne is you can find a mew.

they lookec. bro i think we shud go the the SAFARD ZONE and check ut the knid of pokmon we can find ther. tey thog this wuz a good idea 

Karkat: BIG DEAL. THESE MORONS THINK EVERYTHING IS A GOOD IDEA.

so they wet to the safari zone and tlakd to the warden honkhonk. dude can we go in your safri zone? 

Pinkie: Hiiiii Gamzee! ^_^

dave aked. HONK HONK honkhonk honked witch ment yes but they did not no becuz he cud only say honk honk. oh well guys lets go in anyway adnt ey walled in.

Pinkie: Byyyyyy Gamzee! ^_^

the safarizone it wuz very beautifull and lightish becuz it was outside were the sun is. dave adn terexi went out on there own and will deciderd to do his own thign. 

Dave: nobody tells dave strider what to do.

wil walked along the beatiful lake when suddenly a PILE OF DED SCYTHERS WUZ THER! will was SHCOKED. who wud be evil enuff to kill scythers they are so sweat. I WUD YOU INSURFABLE FOOL. will torned around adn standing ther ws the evil poacher JAKE ENGLAND. 

Jake: Uhhhhhh... this is staire, i guess?

who r u? will asked. I am the evil poacer JAKE ENGLAND jake repled. 

Dave: you just gotta respect a guy ballsy enough to put the word evil on his business card.

he then orded his pokmon HAXOREX to grab wil. will was grabbed.

dave adn terty heded back to the man building to find will becuz thy cud not find him. wen they got in they found honkhonk lying on the grund and he was STABBED but stil alive. 

Pinkie: Can't keep down the clown! ^_^

who did thesis to u? dave askec concreted. HOOOONK. honkhok sed b4 fainitg. TEREZI CAL THE HOPITAL. dave yelled adn she did. the ambulance cmae adn took honkhonk. honkhonk wuz stabbed, witch can only mean JCAK. 

Karkat: BECAUSE JACK NOIR IS THE ONLY CRIMINAL IN THE WORLD APPARENTLY.

wed better go the the asfari zone and find hom b4 he deos anything else bad! tey ran out in2 the safari zone and sure enuff TEAM BAD WUZ THERE. WHERE ARE ALL THE SCYTERS? kitkart yelled. STOP YELLING jack sed. 

Karkat: WHAT IS JACK'S PROBLEM, ANYWAY? I DON'T REMEMBER ANYONE YELLING.

guys shut up. dave sed. what is all the about? you tell me NOW. dave sed madly. nope. Jack sed.

Pinkie:

he snet out his ZERKROM and dave sent out GROUNDOON. but they wer not on a cruz shiop so GROUNDOON use eartquack and it waz over. 

Dave: laaaaaame.

okay fine jack sed. we wanted to kill some scythers becuz it is mean obviosly but now we cnat find any.

Jake: A very deep and realistic motivation!

hmm maybe we shuc investigate? terezi they went adn investgtated and tey came acros HAXORUS and will!  GROUNDOON punched HAXORUS in the face adn it fainted and will was relaxed. what is happning here? jake sed as he waked out of the bushes carring 2 ded scythers. WHO ARE YOU? Jack yelled. I AM JAKE ENGLAND THE POACHER. jake yelled back. Are you related to the demon from teh last stroy? dav asked. Yes. Jake replied I AM HIS COUSIN EXCEPT NOT A DEMON JUST A DUDE.

Karkat: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! THIS REALLY IS A SEQUEL TO HART SHAPED LOVE OR PAINED HARTS OR WHATEVER! SOMEBODY SHOOT ME!

Pinkie: *ka-click* GARBAGE DA-

Karkat: I WAS JOKING! THAT IS A THING! THAT I DO SOMETIMES! WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT GUN?

Pinkie: *hides gun* er... what gun? (o_(o

Stop killing scythers being bad is MY JOB. jcak sed. But i am not killing them to be bad I am killing tem for MONEY. 

Pinkie:

Dave: wow. three memes in one day? were really losing our touch.

Jake: Agreed. All in favor of a moratorium to memes until further notice?

Dave: aye.

Karkat: aye.

Pinkie: awwww... (-_-)

jake laffed. are u a gost? terzi sed? you do not need to be ded to enjoy money you moronic moron. jake sed. ether way I will FIGHT YOU dave told him. Dave sent out GROUNDOON but Jake through a ded scyther at dave and it cut daves face. jake usd the distraction to get away but jcak teleproted and tied to stab him but jake jumped in2 the lake and left in a submarin.

Karkat: THEN JAKE REMEMBERED THAT THE SAFARI ZONE WAS LANDLOCKED, AND CRASHED INTO A WALL. BEFORE HE DROWNED, HE ASKED HIMSELF WHY HE EVEN BOTHERED TO BRING THE SUB ALL THE WAY HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Jack wuz mad so he sed NOW THAT JAKE IS GONE WE WILL KILL YOU INSTED. jack and karktak ran at dave but GROUNDOON punched tem so hard they flew in2 the sky. 

Pinkie: Team Bad is blasting off agaiiiiin! *ding*

thanks buddy dave sed.

just then tereki got a phone call. DAVE. she sed HONKHONK SURVIVED! 

Dave: clowns only die twice after all.

ans also the gym is open.

NOW THE GYM IS OPN. CAN DAVE GET THE BADE NEXT TMIE?

Dave: well youd better be read to find out cuz the story train aint stopping now.

Pinkie Pie: Onto chapter ten! ^-^

dave walked ot of teh safri zone wit his fronds

Jake: Apparently, david decided to start a collection of pressed leaves! Exactly like i did when i was but a wee lad.

Dave: and that is why you had no friends.

and they all were sad becuz jake england the evil poacher got away form them and also he killed a lot o scyters.

Karkat: I SHOULD POINT OUT THAT THE WHOLE POINT OF POACHING IS THAT YOU SELL THE STUFF YOU KILL FOR MONEY. IF HE'S JUST LEAVING STUFF AROUND, HE'S NOT A POACHER, HE'S AN PSYCHOPATHIC ASSHOLE WHO LIKES TO SHOOT THINGS.

ten dvea brightend up though becuz he new the gym was OPEN! guys! we hav to go 2 the the gym adn get th next badge come on guys dave sed.

Karkat: IN SUMMARY; THE WHOLE SAFARI ZONE THING WAS A POINTLESS WASTE OF TIME.

Jake: Not really. I mean it did introduce a riveting new villain in the form of animal-poaching otherworldy counterpart!

Karkat: ...I STAND BY MY ARGUMENT.

trezi and will nodded and tey left to the gym for the SECONG time ina day. they oped the door of the gym adn it was pit black. dave cudnt see anyting! THEN THEN HER A VOICE. maanaaahaaahaa it laffed.

Dave: worst. evil laugh. ever.

suffently a light turned on and standig ther was GANONDORT.

Karkat: BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING I EXPECT A REINCARNATING LORD OF EVIL TO DO IN HIS SPARE TIME, IT'S TRAINING POKEMON.

I AM TEH GYM LEDER. he rowed YOU CANNOT BEET ME LIK YOU BEAT MY RIVAL LONK.

Jake: And thus begins what I would say is a tactful homage to the grossly underappreciated cd-i classic "link: the faces of evil". Pinkamania, would you please roll the first clip for comparison?

Pinkie Pie:

^-^

bring it on! dave telled him. yeah we can tak you togeter terezi sed. gondorof tuned in2 a monsta and rammed tem and they wnet flying ot of teh gym.

Karkat: ...I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S AGAINST THE RULES.

Dave: oh and you were expecting fucking ganondorf to play fair?

ouch! will siad. dis guy meen BUSNESS. yes he does a women voice sed that is why yo need the TRIFORC. IT AS ZELDA WHO IS HOT. den the king of hrule waked up to her adn sed

Jake: Please roll the next clip.

Pinkie Pie:

yes. you dudes need the tricorfs to beat gonan.

Jake:  This of course is a hint at "zelda's" treachery. After all, you know what they say...

Pinkie:

so thus dave should not actually be able to defeat ganon. At least not for good.

heer. tak this map to them and go quockly. they then waked behinf dav and his fends and dissaperad in a flash of lig.

Jake: Given that "lig" is a function at which free entertainment and refreshments are available, we can only assume that "zelda" here provided them with free drinks before she vanished.

Karkat: ...THAT'S IT, I'M REVOKING YOUR DICTIONARY PRIVILEGES.

dude that was RAD. will yelled. dave grined and they set out to fnid the ticforcer. along da way they fund a TM

Pinkie: Remember, folks! This will be important later! Unless the author forgets! Which is pretty likely now that I think about it... ^_^

but dave did not wnat to teach it 2 GROUNDOON becuz he wuz in a hurry. the map led to the pokemart were LUIGI WUZ THER HOLDING A BOX!

Karkat: ...ROLL WITH IT.

he waked up and sed to dave take-a the-a box-a dave-io!

Dave: hey look at-a me-a. im an italian-a stereotype-a. tortellini.

dave tok the box and thanked luigi but he wuz not luigi he wuz MASTERCHEIF.

Karkat: ARE YOU ROLLING WITH IT YET?

i am sorry 4 hiding myslef from u but i HAD NO COIC. zelda and da king gave me a packga and I had to protert it WITH MY LIFE.

Jake: this deception is of course clever forshadowing as to the incredible twist, as we will soon discover!

master chef told them. dave sed its cool bro. and they walked ot. tareri openeded the box and insine was the TRIANGLEFORCE.

Dave: yes the triangleforce. the only power greater than the personforce and the particleforce.

yes! we did it! terezi yeled in joy. yeah we did good. will ejaculated.

Karkat: I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT.

theyb went bak 2 the gym and ZELDA AND THE KIGN JUMPED OT OF TEH BUSHES. the king sed good job getting the triforce. now giv it to my lovely dagter zelda so we can go adn use it FOR GOOD. zelda wuz mad thog adn sed WHY DO I HAVE TO DISGUSE AS THE GURL? SHUT UP KITKAT. the king yelled.

Jake: And thus, with one stray remark, team bad's carefully constructed facade comes tumbling down like a house of cards!

ZELDA WUZ KAFKAT? dave thog! NOOOO HE THOUGHT SHE WUZ HOTT! AND ALSO THE KING ADN ZELDA WUZ TEAM BAD. dey riped off ther disguses adn jack sed this is yor flat karpart GIVE MY THE TRIFOCUS DAVE. dave sed no man. its ours we ned to beet galadof. Fine then jack sed IT'S RELY A BOM ANYWAY. adn him and kitkar ran away.

Karkat: SO... YOU GAVE THEM A BOMB, AND TRIED TO STEAL IT BACK. WHAT DID YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH AGAIN?

oh no the triforce is a bimb! terezi screamed!dave throug it in2 teh distance and it blowed up.

Dave: thus making everything that's happened so far completely pointless.

Pinkie: I guess some days you just CAN get rid of a bomb! ^-^

dave sed oh well. we can still beat ganondog with our POKMON. tey walked inside teh gum and dave sent out GROUNDOON. AH I SEE U ARE BAK. FGANDO YELLED.

Dave: you arnt even trying any more are you?

BRIGN IT ON. dave wuz scaresed thou. there wuz no hope witout da triforce becuz it wuz a bomb and did not exit..

Karkat: AND YET SOMEHOW LINK AND GANONDORF DO. ODD BIT OF CANON THERE.

then the tm they found earlir floted and began to talk! I AM THE TERRIFORCE. it !1 dave yelled. he tought it to GROUNDOON and sed GROUNDOON USE TRIFOR. adn GROUNDOON USED IT AND CONANDORF EXPLODED AND THE BADGE WUZ THER ON TEH GRUND!

Karkat: WELL SO MUCH FOR THE "ONLY LINK CAN DEFEAT GANON" THING.

Pinkie:

Jake: Can you not see how these two scenes are on the same emotional wavelength?

Dave: from a certain point of view that is completely correct.

Pinkie: Speaking of which, are you ever going to finish "The Legend of Jade"? ^_^

Edrobot: Stop asking.

dave picked it up adn terezi said yes dave! you have the rare NOT GUD BADGE. its like the gud badge you got form lunk except NOT GUD IT IS EVIEL LIKE JAKE ENGLAND THE POACHER ADN TEAM BAD AND GANOPEDORF who are al bad gus in case you fogot

Dave: which is kind of a concern given that this story kills brain cells.

except gandorf becuz hes ded now. cool dave sed. only 4 more 2 go until i can got to DA LEAGE.

and ten they left 4 teh next town

Secret Wizard: Wow! That was a great story! I especially love the part where you all argued over how awful the story was!

Karkat: SO YEAH. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO USE TO DEFEAT MONARCH?

Secret Wizard: This magic amulet! Just say the magic words, "Secret Wizard", and you will be endowed with one power for each letter of my name!

S, for the strength of Superman!

E, for the charm of Elvis!

C, for the tenacity of Captain Crunch!

R, for the speed of the Road Runner!

E, for Elvis again, because I really like him!

T, for the wisdom of Thomas Jefferson!

W, for the grace of Wibblehtorn, which is a real guy I totally did not made up!

I, for the bravery of Indiana Jones!

Z, for the wit of Zorro

Aaaaand I forget the rest, but I'm sure the other letters stand for cool things too.

Just say the magic word while wearing the amulet, and you will become PUMA MAN! Defender of justice! Righter of wrongs! Puncher of Donald Pleasence! 

Jake: Golly. But why did you choose me?

Secret Wizard: Well I don't really know to be honest. But at least this time I didn't give it to a complete asshole like Caliborn!

Dave: wait. you gave caliborn super powers?? when did this happen?

Secret Wizard: Oh, a few weeks ago. Gave him the ability to become a time-traveling demon named Lord English. I dunno what I was thinking, it's almost as if the author was trying to do a very clumsy parody of Captain Marvel / Shazam. I also gave his ex-girlfriend another amulet, but she just sold it to The Consdence. Joke's on her though, the amulet can only be activated by a maiden that's pure of heart! And by "pure of heart" I mean a virgin. Which is probably why Damara sold it in the first place, now that I think about it.

Pinkie: That is a completely necessary plot point that in no way contradicts the events of Homestuck. ^_^

Jake: That reminds me, al says his group's reading "My Inner Life" next week.

Karkat: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- OH WAIT THAT'S NOT US. NEVERMIND.

Dave: and were reading sonichu the week after that.

Karkat: AND NOW WE RETURN TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED OBSCENITY. -UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Jake: By the way, how are those chaps doing, anyway?

======================================

Lant Kreck: So wait, you're saying that this isn't a genderflipped world, just a world where all the important people are female.

Lacey Kreck of Earth-17: Yep.

Alfred Smith: And on this earth, we all have completely different backstories. STOP.

Alexis Smith of Earth-17: Yep. STOP.

Electra: And my counterpart has bigger boobs and only speaks in broken japanese.

Electra Germanicus of Earth 17: Hai! Correctu! Erekutora wa bakade wa arimasen!

Opal Edwards: Print("This is awkward.")

Topaz Edwards: Print("Yes, it is.")

Alfred: Is making out with your alternate universe self technically incest?

Alexis: I don't think so, but I don't want to try it.

Electra-17: Baka no hentai!

Lant: You know what? I'd be okay if this was just a genderswap universe, or even just an all-female superhero universe. But this is all just blatant fanservice! What kind of idiots would spend all this time creating such a woefully contrived alternate universe for the sake of titillating male readers with-

DC Comics, stop doing things that make me hate you.

Afred: As for me, I am just disgusted at DC's one-dimensional view of anime and manga. STOP

Electra: Agreed! As silly as the marvel Mangaverse was, it was least trying to pastiche if not outright homage the style of anime, rather than just use it as an excuse to draw the female form. Yes, there does tend to be more "fanservice" than in most media, but at the same time the mediums have very different styles, and tell very different kinds of stories than comic books. It's not all pantyshots and-

...when we get home, I am going to murder someone.

Alfred: I'll help. STOP

==========MEANWHILE==========

Roxy: and then jake ate THE WHOLE lightbulb!  i wuz laughin at that one for weeks. *HIC*

*laughing

Kanaya: Oh Roxy You Really Do Tell The Best Stories About Jake Eating Non-Food Objects

Vriska: Yeah. Hey, how about you tell the one where you tricked Jake into eating his own shoe?

Roxy: oh man that one is a CLAS-SIC. okay soit was lke a monday and stuff, jake was on his weierd skulltop thing and I was just-

*SUDDENLY PORRIM APPEARS*

Porrim(?): Hell[o], y[o]ung pers[o]ns [o]f my [o]wn 13-to-18 year [o]ld dem[o]graphic!

Vriska: Uhhhhhhhh yeah. Hi?

Roxy: hey wzzup with yer quirk u sound funny.

Totally Porrim: Ha ha ha! Y[o]u are s[o] funny, human R[o]xy! Y[o]u, al[o]ng with my fell[o]w tr[o]lls Vriska and Kanaya are chief am[o]ng my bestest friend-units. Which why I want y[o]u t[o] step through this p[o]rtal, and train with me t[o] j[o]in my army [o]f female furies- I mean feminists.

Vriska: ...give us a second.  *group huddle* (Okay seriously. What's up with ro8o-Porrim?)

Kanaya: (This "Porrim" Is Not A Robot. I Can Tell These Things. But She Is Not The Real Porrim Either.)

Roxy: (ya think we should keep an eye on her? *HIC*)

Kanaya: (Yes. This Is Probably A Trap But It Is Also Our Best Bet To Finding The Real Porrim) *un-huddle* Very Well. Let Us Be Off.

This is the Real Porrim, Guys: F[o]rs[oo]th! Let us make haste then, and be [o]n [o]ur way! For s[oo]n, the time will c[o]me for us t[o] [o]verthr[o]w this sickly, male-d[o]minated planet in the name [o]f L[o]rd Darksied! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA- I mean women everywhere. Yes. That is waht I said.

Roxy: (this isnt gonna end well isit??)

Vriska: (Yep.)

DETECTIVE