Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 27

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Last time, on Jake Englishs' Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the year 3000...

Phelous: Okay, it's time for me to review fanfiction because Jake English isn't here which automatically means I get to steal his show. So today we're going to read this copy of Fifty Shades of Gray that I found in an ancient Indian burial ground!

Obscuras Lupa: No, you fool! You'll destroy us allllllll!

Phelous: *Pfft* What's the worst that could happen.

*Cut to Darkdeath Evilman standing in the ruins of Phelous' house*

Darkdeath Evilman: Fools! Now that you have released me from my eternal slumber, I, Darkdeath Evilman, of Orgy XIII, shall bring ruin upon this pathetic planet!

Phelous: Hmm, maybe I shoudln't have drawn that pentagram before I started reading...

*Cut to Lux Lexor tied to a chair in an interrogation room*

Lux Lexor: Huh? What? Where am I?

Twilight Sparkle: Good evening, criminal. You have been forcefully drafted into Task Force X, better known as the Suicide Squad.

*Cut to Sho Minamimoto, The Great and Powerful Trixie, Gaz and Lux Lexor fighting covenant soldiers with machine guns*

Twilight (voiceover): Your mission; destroy Darkdeath Evilman before his armies breach the earth's core.

*Cut to Dr. Insano showing Sho a piece of paper*

Dr. Insano: Look carefully, the owls are not what they seem!

*Cut to an owl transforming into giant robot and then killing Phelous*


*Cut to Caius Ballad and Kotomine Kirei playing chess*

Caius: How long must we play this game, priest? Eventually, all things must come to an end...

Kotomine: Checkma†e.

Caius: ...Best two out of three?

*Cut to a shadowy throne room somewhere*

Jade Edwards: -|----- My lady, the Canadian one has took the bait. Darkdeath Evilman has been unleashed into realspace.

Prophet Gilesbie: kawaiicelent!!!! thos prepz wont' know what him them unthulits toolate. lol!

Jade Edwards: -|----- Yes... L-O-L indeed...

*Cut to Jade Edwards and Bladevash Dragonfang having a conversation somewhere in The Ways Between*

Bladevash Dragonfang: I still say we should jump her while we have the chance...

Jade E.: -|----- Paitence, Vash. Just string her a long a little longer, and soon the throne will be mine...

Bladevash Dragonfang: ...you mean "ours", right?

Jade E.: -|----- ...yes. That is exactly what I said.

Bladevash Dragonfang: But what of the boy who lived... through SBURB... who is not Jake English?

Jade E.: -|----- I would prepare yourself for battle at the earliest possible convenience. And be warned, he may look like a pushover, but he is more powerful than one might expect...

*Cut to Alfred Smith thrashing about in an amazon basin*

Alfred Smith: Oh my god I'm covered in leeches! Get em off me get em off me get em off me! STOP

And now, for the exciting conclusion.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 25

"Future events, such as these, will effect you in the future." -Nostradamus
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===== Last time, on "A Game of Thrones" =====

Edrobot: Last time, on "A Game of Thrones".


Gamzee: No, JoHn. YoU ArE ThE MoThErFuCkInG GaMe oF ThRoNeS.


===== Meanwhile, at the Bad Idea Factory =====

Tavros Nitram: sO, uHH, wHERE ARE WE EXACTLY,

Kanaya Maryam: Given What The Trasition Text Says I Would Assume We Are In A Place Called The Bad Idea Factory

John: i guess that would explain all the machinery. but what are they making?

Kankri: It appears t9 6e un9ffical ficti9n 9f vaguely equine cart99n characters that are, f9r increasingly flimsy reas9ns (trigger warning f9r er9t9ph96es) perf9rming h9m9er9tic sex acts.

John: what?

Kanaya: He Says This Entire Factory Was Built To Do Nothing But Print My Little Pony Slash Fic