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Last time, on Jake Englishs' Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the year 3000...
Phelous: Okay, it's time for me to review fanfiction because Jake English isn't here which automatically means I get to steal his show. So today we're going to read this copy of Fifty Shades of Gray that I found in an ancient Indian burial ground!
Obscuras Lupa: No, you fool! You'll destroy us allllllll!
Phelous: *Pfft* What's the worst that could happen.
*Cut to Darkdeath Evilman standing in the ruins of Phelous' house*
Darkdeath Evilman: Fools! Now that you have released me from my eternal slumber, I, Darkdeath Evilman, of Orgy XIII, shall bring ruin upon this pathetic planet!
Phelous: Hmm, maybe I shoudln't have drawn that pentagram before I started reading...
*Cut to Lux Lexor tied to a chair in an interrogation room*
Lux Lexor: Huh? What? Where am I?
Twilight Sparkle: Good evening, criminal. You have been forcefully drafted into Task Force X, better known as the Suicide Squad.
*Cut to Sho Minamimoto, The Great and Powerful Trixie, Gaz and Lux Lexor fighting covenant soldiers with machine guns*
Twilight (voiceover): Your mission; destroy Darkdeath Evilman before his armies breach the earth's core.
*Cut to Dr. Insano showing Sho a piece of paper*
Dr. Insano: Look carefully, the owls are not what they seem!
*Cut to an owl transforming into giant robot and then killing Phelous*
Phelous: OOOOOH MYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! *DEAD*
*Cut to Caius Ballad and Kotomine Kirei playing chess*
Caius: How long must we play this game, priest? Eventually, all things must come to an end...
Caius: ...Best two out of three?
*Cut to a shadowy throne room somewhere*
Jade Edwards: -|----- My lady, the Canadian one has took the bait. Darkdeath Evilman has been unleashed into realspace.
Prophet Gilesbie: kawaiicelent!!!! thos prepz wont' know what him them unthull its toolate. lol!
Jade Edwards: -|----- Yes... L-O-L indeed...
*Cut to Jade Edwards and Bladevash Dragonfang having a conversation somewhere in The Ways Between*
Bladevash Dragonfang: I still say we should jump her while we have the chance...
Jade E.: -|----- Paitence, Vash. Just string her a long a little longer, and soon the throne will be mine...
Bladevash Dragonfang: ...you mean "ours", right?
Jade E.: -|----- ...yes. That is exactly what I said.
Bladevash Dragonfang: But what of the boy who lived... through SBURB... who is not Jake English?
Jade E.: -|----- I would prepare yourself for battle at the earliest possible convenience. And be warned, he may look like a pushover, but he is more powerful than one might expect...
*Cut to Alfred Smith thrashing about in an amazon basin*
Alfred Smith: Oh my god I'm covered in leeches! Get em off me get em off me get em off me! STOP
And now, for the exciting conclusion.