Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 27

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Last time, on Jake Englishs' Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the year 3000...

Phelous: Okay, it's time for me to review fanfiction because Jake English isn't here which automatically means I get to steal his show. So today we're going to read this copy of Fifty Shades of Gray that I found in an ancient Indian burial ground!

Obscuras Lupa: No, you fool! You'll destroy us allllllll!

Phelous: *Pfft* What's the worst that could happen.

*Cut to Darkdeath Evilman standing in the ruins of Phelous' house*

Darkdeath Evilman: Fools! Now that you have released me from my eternal slumber, I, Darkdeath Evilman, of Orgy XIII, shall bring ruin upon this pathetic planet!

Phelous: Hmm, maybe I shoudln't have drawn that pentagram before I started reading...

*Cut to Lux Lexor tied to a chair in an interrogation room*

Lux Lexor: Huh? What? Where am I?

Twilight Sparkle: Good evening, criminal. You have been forcefully drafted into Task Force X, better known as the Suicide Squad.

*Cut to Sho Minamimoto, The Great and Powerful Trixie, Gaz and Lux Lexor fighting covenant soldiers with machine guns*

Twilight (voiceover): Your mission; destroy Darkdeath Evilman before his armies breach the earth's core.

*Cut to Dr. Insano showing Sho a piece of paper*

Dr. Insano: Look carefully, the owls are not what they seem!

*Cut to an owl transforming into giant robot and then killing Phelous*

Phelous: OOOOOH MYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! *DEAD*

*Cut to Caius Ballad and Kotomine Kirei playing chess*

Caius: How long must we play this game, priest? Eventually, all things must come to an end...

Kotomine: Checkma†e.

Caius: ...Best two out of three?

*Cut to a shadowy throne room somewhere*

Jade Edwards: -|----- My lady, the Canadian one has took the bait. Darkdeath Evilman has been unleashed into realspace.

Prophet Gilesbie: kawaiicelent!!!! thos prepz wont' know what him them unthull its toolate. lol!

Jade Edwards: -|----- Yes... L-O-L indeed...

*Cut to Jade Edwards and Bladevash Dragonfang having a conversation somewhere in The Ways Between*

Bladevash Dragonfang: I still say we should jump her while we have the chance...

Jade E.: -|----- Paitence, Vash. Just string her a long a little longer, and soon the throne will be mine...

Bladevash Dragonfang: ...you mean "ours", right?

Jade E.: -|----- ...yes. That is exactly what I said.

Bladevash Dragonfang: But what of the boy who lived... through SBURB... who is not Jake English?

Jade E.: -|----- I would prepare yourself for battle at the earliest possible convenience. And be warned, he may look like a pushover, but he is more powerful than one might expect...

*Cut to Alfred Smith thrashing about in an amazon basin*

Alfred Smith: Oh my god I'm covered in leeches! Get em off me get em off me get em off me! STOP

And now, for the exciting conclusion.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 25

"Future events, such as these, will effect you in the future." -Nostradamus

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===== Last time, on "A Game of Thrones" =====

Edrobot: Last time, on "A Game of Thrones".

Caliborn: YES, I HAVE WON THE GAME OF THRONES!

Gamzee: No, JoHn. YoU ArE ThE MoThErFuCkInG GaMe oF ThRoNeS.

Caliborn: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

===== Meanwhile, at the Bad Idea Factory =====

Tavros Nitram: sO, uHH, wHERE ARE WE EXACTLY,

Kanaya Maryam: Given What The Trasition Text Says I Would Assume We Are In A Place Called The Bad Idea Factory

John: i guess that would explain all the machinery. but what are they making?

Kankri: It appears t9 6e un9ffical ficti9n 9f vaguely equine cart99n characters that are, f9r increasingly flimsy reas9ns (trigger warning f9r er9t9ph96es) perf9rming h9m9er9tic sex acts.

John: what?

Kanaya: He Says This Entire Factory Was Built To Do Nothing But Print My Little Pony Slash Fic

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 24

Edrobot: Last time, on JEMToSRFtY3k; Lant Kreck and Alfred Smith were stuck in a forest somewhere but now they arn't. That's about it, really.

Lant Kreck: So... where are we now? 

Alfred Smith: It appears to be some sort of village. Perhaps inhabited by an indigenous tribe of hunter-gatherers...

Lant: An indigenous tribe of hunter-gatherers with a pepsi machine *points to pepsi machine*?

Alfred: Stranger things have happened...

???: Halt! Who goes there?

Alfred: Uh, Lant? I think a little girl is pointing an enormous spear at us.

Lant: Looks like it.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 23

"I WAS FROZEN, TODAY!"

-Ghandi

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Karkat: UUUGH... MY HEAD FEELS LIKE IT'S IN A TRASH COMPACTOR... DID I JUST DIE AND GO TO TROLL HEAVEN?

Pinkie Pie: Karkat! You're finally awake! Hooray! ^0^

Dave: took you long enough.

Karkat: NOPE. LOOKS LIKE I ENDED UP IN THE OTHER PLACE.

Dave: seriously though. all kidding aside where the hell are we??

Jake: We're in the "labyrinth of bliss", a demiplane located in the 1.33rd dimension between two particles of time where the prophet gilesbie's whims become reality, and the only physical law is what one truly believes in their heart of hearts.

Karkat: WHERE'D YOU LEARN ALL THIS?

Jake: It wasn printed on that plaque over by the gift shop. They've got some really neat stuff! Look; a t-shirt that says 'i was obliterated by the prophet gilesbie and all i got was this t-shirt'!

Karkat: HOW CHEERY.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 22

Episode 22

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Jake English: Today's the day we finally confront caius ballad once and for all!

Kankri: Very well, 6ut first you need t9 attend this "christmas" party.

Karkat Vantas: WHY?

Kankri: 6ecause it w9uld 6e extremely rude n9t t9, and 9ur n9n-presence w9uld als9 help t9 f9ster the n9ti9n 9f it 6eing a "6l99d-class exclusive" affair. And I'm afraid it w9uld 9nly be a slippery sl9pe fr9m there t9 full-9n dep9tism...

Dave: that and our contract says we have to do a christmas special.

Karkat: *facepalm*

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 21

No, I did not actually draw this.

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LAST TIME, ON JAKE ENGLISH'S MYSTERIOUS THEATER OF SCIENTIFIC ROMANCE FROM THE YEAR 3000:

Jake: We have to stop the HoundFox virus!

Dave: done. now what?

Kankri: I'm 6aking c99kies.

Dave: okay lets do that.

And now, for the thrilling conclusion!

Kankri: Karkat, you're d9ing it all wr9ng. Y9u have t9 stir the 6atter cl9ck-ways.

Karkat Vantas: WHAT NO. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT WAY YOU STIR IT, IT ALL ENDS UP THE SAME.

Kankri: 6ut y9u w9nt learn anything if y9u keep changing directi9ns, 9r rather y9ull learn t9 d9 it in a su6-par fasshi9n that varies the quality 9f each 6atch. Y9ull never 6ecome a pr9fessi9nal chef at this rate.

Karkat: I DON'T WANT TO BE A CHEF, I JUST WANT TO GET THIS DONE WITH SO I CAN GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM YOU AND YOUR INCESSANT BLATHERING.

Kankri: It seems like s9me9ne needs m9re the9l9gy and ge9metry in his lfie. W9uldn't y9u agree, Strider?

Dave: im sorry what? i cant hear you with these headphones on ad these mixers running.

Kankri: Ineed. N9w, t9 6egin with...

Karkat: OH GOD I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. JAKE, YOU HAVE MORE OF THAT PONY STORY?

Jake: Right here! 

Karkat: START READING IT, THEN. ANYTHING BETTER THAN THIS IDIOT'S RANTINGS.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 20

This is actually the original fic's actual cover art. I just borrowed it because I'm lazy.

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Jake English: Here we are, Equestria, the winter of 2012. According to our research, the next clue is located on the DNA sequence of HoundFox virus. A virus that, if not stopped, could mutate into a supervirus that would destroy all of Equestria! No doubt Caius' meddling with the timeline will prevent the vaccine from being made, thus allowing him to acquire a virus sample more easily!

Dave Strider: how are we going to do that?

Jake: Simple! We just need to accelerate research on the virus. *notices Twilight Sparkle walking down the street* Quiet, here she comes. Now, the plan is that i'm going to pretend to be an unconscious argentinean youth, while karkat will play the part of an irate organ grinder. Now, when i give the signal, we will begin to sing select verses from 'the sound of music' for pinkie to steal twilight sparkle's day planner. Then dave will go back in time and ensure though time shenanigans that-

Pinkie Pie: Hey, Twi! Whatever you do, make sure you make a vaccine for the HoundFox virus! ^0^

Twilight Sparkle: Thanks Pinkie, but I got that done yesterday*

Pinkie: Wow! That was fast!

Twilight: Uh, thank you? Oh, and Pinkie, are you are coming to the Christmas party next week?

Pinkie: At Jade's place? Wouldn't miss it for the world!

Twilight: Glad to hear it. Sorry I can't stick around, I have some research to do on what this "Christmas" thing is all about in the first place.

Karkat Vantas: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. CAN WE GO NOW?

Jake: I'm afraid not. The time machine still needs to refuel.

Karkat: UGH. IF WE'RE GOING TO READ BADFICS, CAN WE AT LEAST GET OUT OF THE COLD FIRST?

Pinkie: Sure! Let's go to my place!