Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 29

Meulin: \(=^..^)/

Rose: That's right, Meulin. It's about time we get a character focus episode. 

Roxy: i know right? i just hope the producer hasn't run good ideas yet.

Sollux: oh come on what are the odd2 of that?

Wolf O'Donnel: Yo yo yo, Wolfie D and Daddy B are in da HOUSE!

Big Daddy: ...

Sollux: never miind.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 28

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Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 25

"Future events, such as these, will effect you in the future." -Nostradamus

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===== Last time, on "A Game of Thrones" =====

Edrobot: Last time, on "A Game of Thrones".

Caliborn: YES, I HAVE WON THE GAME OF THRONES!

Gamzee: No, JoHn. YoU ArE ThE MoThErFuCkInG GaMe oF ThRoNeS.

Caliborn: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

===== Meanwhile, at the Bad Idea Factory =====

Tavros Nitram: sO, uHH, wHERE ARE WE EXACTLY,

Kanaya Maryam: Given What The Trasition Text Says I Would Assume We Are In A Place Called The Bad Idea Factory

John: i guess that would explain all the machinery. but what are they making?

Kankri: It appears t9 6e un9ffical ficti9n 9f vaguely equine cart99n characters that are, f9r increasingly flimsy reas9ns (trigger warning f9r er9t9ph96es) perf9rming h9m9er9tic sex acts.

John: what?

Kanaya: He Says This Entire Factory Was Built To Do Nothing But Print My Little Pony Slash Fic

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 24

Edrobot: Last time, on JEMToSRFtY3k; Lant Kreck and Alfred Smith were stuck in a forest somewhere but now they arn't. That's about it, really.

Lant Kreck: So... where are we now? 

Alfred Smith: It appears to be some sort of village. Perhaps inhabited by an indigenous tribe of hunter-gatherers...

Lant: An indigenous tribe of hunter-gatherers with a pepsi machine *points to pepsi machine*?

Alfred: Stranger things have happened...

???: Halt! Who goes there?

Alfred: Uh, Lant? I think a little girl is pointing an enormous spear at us.

Lant: Looks like it.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 23

"I WAS FROZEN, TODAY!"

-Ghandi

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Karkat: UUUGH... MY HEAD FEELS LIKE IT'S IN A TRASH COMPACTOR... DID I JUST DIE AND GO TO TROLL HEAVEN?

Pinkie Pie: Karkat! You're finally awake! Hooray! ^0^

Dave: took you long enough.

Karkat: NOPE. LOOKS LIKE I ENDED UP IN THE OTHER PLACE.

Dave: seriously though. all kidding aside where the hell are we??

Jake: We're in the "labyrinth of bliss", a demiplane located in the 1.33rd dimension between two particles of time where the prophet gilesbie's whims become reality, and the only physical law is what one truly believes in their heart of hearts.

Karkat: WHERE'D YOU LEARN ALL THIS?

Jake: It wasn printed on that plaque over by the gift shop. They've got some really neat stuff! Look; a t-shirt that says 'i was obliterated by the prophet gilesbie and all i got was this t-shirt'!

Karkat: HOW CHEERY.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 22

Episode 22

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Jake English: Today's the day we finally confront caius ballad once and for all!

Kankri: Very well, 6ut first you need t9 attend this "christmas" party.

Karkat Vantas: WHY?

Kankri: 6ecause it w9uld 6e extremely rude n9t t9, and 9ur n9n-presence w9uld als9 help t9 f9ster the n9ti9n 9f it 6eing a "6l99d-class exclusive" affair. And I'm afraid it w9uld 9nly be a slippery sl9pe fr9m there t9 full-9n dep9tism...

Dave: that and our contract says we have to do a christmas special.

Karkat: *facepalm*

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 21

No, I did not actually draw this.

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LAST TIME, ON JAKE ENGLISH'S MYSTERIOUS THEATER OF SCIENTIFIC ROMANCE FROM THE YEAR 3000:

Jake: We have to stop the HoundFox virus!

Dave: done. now what?

Kankri: I'm 6aking c99kies.

Dave: okay lets do that.

And now, for the thrilling conclusion!

Kankri: Karkat, you're d9ing it all wr9ng. Y9u have t9 stir the 6atter cl9ck-ways.

Karkat Vantas: WHAT NO. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT WAY YOU STIR IT, IT ALL ENDS UP THE SAME.

Kankri: 6ut y9u w9nt learn anything if y9u keep changing directi9ns, 9r rather y9ull learn t9 d9 it in a su6-par fasshi9n that varies the quality 9f each 6atch. Y9ull never 6ecome a pr9fessi9nal chef at this rate.

Karkat: I DON'T WANT TO BE A CHEF, I JUST WANT TO GET THIS DONE WITH SO I CAN GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM YOU AND YOUR INCESSANT BLATHERING.

Kankri: It seems like s9me9ne needs m9re the9l9gy and ge9metry in his lfie. W9uldn't y9u agree, Strider?

Dave: im sorry what? i cant hear you with these headphones on ad these mixers running.

Kankri: Ineed. N9w, t9 6egin with...

Karkat: OH GOD I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. JAKE, YOU HAVE MORE OF THAT PONY STORY?

Jake: Right here! 

Karkat: START READING IT, THEN. ANYTHING BETTER THAN THIS IDIOT'S RANTINGS.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 20

This is actually the original fic's actual cover art. I just borrowed it because I'm lazy.

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Jake English: Here we are, Equestria, the winter of 2012. According to our research, the next clue is located on the DNA sequence of HoundFox virus. A virus that, if not stopped, could mutate into a supervirus that would destroy all of Equestria! No doubt Caius' meddling with the timeline will prevent the vaccine from being made, thus allowing him to acquire a virus sample more easily!

Dave Strider: how are we going to do that?

Jake: Simple! We just need to accelerate research on the virus. *notices Twilight Sparkle walking down the street* Quiet, here she comes. Now, the plan is that i'm going to pretend to be an unconscious argentinean youth, while karkat will play the part of an irate organ grinder. Now, when i give the signal, we will begin to sing select verses from 'the sound of music' for pinkie to steal twilight sparkle's day planner. Then dave will go back in time and ensure though time shenanigans that-

Pinkie Pie: Hey, Twi! Whatever you do, make sure you make a vaccine for the HoundFox virus! ^0^

Twilight Sparkle: Thanks Pinkie, but I got that done yesterday*

Pinkie: Wow! That was fast!

Twilight: Uh, thank you? Oh, and Pinkie, are you are coming to the Christmas party next week?

Pinkie: At Jade's place? Wouldn't miss it for the world!

Twilight: Glad to hear it. Sorry I can't stick around, I have some research to do on what this "Christmas" thing is all about in the first place.

Karkat Vantas: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. CAN WE GO NOW?

Jake: I'm afraid not. The time machine still needs to refuel.

Karkat: UGH. IF WE'RE GOING TO READ BADFICS, CAN WE AT LEAST GET OUT OF THE COLD FIRST?

Pinkie: Sure! Let's go to my place!

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 19

T-rex: Hey guys, I heard you were reviewing some BAD FANFICTION. Can I help?

Jake: Karkat, why is a dinosaur talking to us?

Karkat: BECAUSE APPARENTLY THEY HAD VOCAL CORDS. WHO KNEW?

Dave: sure why not. its not like wed be able to stop you what with your huge teeth and all.

T-Rex: AWESOME!

Jake: ...I don't suppose you wouldn't know anything about Cowboy Bebop, would you?

T-Rex: Do I ever!

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 18

"GARBAGE DAY!" 

-Hamlet

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Jake: Well now that this roundabout distraction of dave's is over with, shall we proceed with the next verse in  the ballad of dark yagami?

Karkat: JUST AS LONG AS IT'S NOT ACTUALLY A MUSICAL. LAST THING I NEED IS A SOLO ABOUT HOW GRUMPY I AM.

Pinkie Pie: ♩You're a mean one, mister crab...♩ ^o^

Karkat: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SINGING?!

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 15

Tell me what you know about dreamin’ dreamin’/you don't really know about nothin’ nothin’
tell me what you know about them night terrors every night / 5 am, cold sweats wakin’ up to the skies

-Don Quixote

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Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 14

Special thanks to all the cosplayers who sacrificed their dignity to post pictures of themselves on the internet for me to steal. YOU HAVE DONE YOUR COUNTRY PROUD.

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=====Trantor, sometime in THE FUTURE=====

Jake English: Well chaps, here we are; trantor, the center of the galactic empire for the past 12,000 years!

Karkat Vantas: YEP. IT'S TRANTOR ALL RIGHT.

Dave Strider: it suuuure is.

Pinkie Pie: ^_^

Karkat: ...

Dave: ...

Jake: ...

Karkat: TRANTOR IS THE PLACE WITH ALL THE SAND WORMS, RIGHT?

Jake: No, that's arrkis.

Karkat: OH, RIGHT.

Dave: ...

Jake: ...

Pinkie: These are not the droids you are looking- ^-^

Dave: thats from star wars.

Pinkie: Oh, right. -_-

Karkat: ...

Dave: ...

Jake: ...On further reflection, it appears that there aren't as many jokes i can make about the foundation trilogy as i originally thought.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 13

===2500 BC===

Gilgamesh: Well, it took me a whole week, but I finally achieved my dream of to building a life-sized statue of myself entirely out of toothpicks and playing cards. And several thousand years before either of those things were invented! Servants! *clap clap*

Random Servant #1: Yes, my lord?

Gilgamesh: I need one of you to invent ice cream so that I may have it with dinner tonight, so that I may celebrate my glorious achievements, and have the other servants get to work on inventing glue to hold the statue together. Untill then I don't want anyone coming within a thousand cubits of it, do you understand?

Random Servant #1: Yes, your highness, I will protect it with my very life!

*Tardis Noises. Time machine lands on statue of Gilgamesh.*

Karkat Vantas: YOU CALL THAT A LANDING?!

Jake English: Sorry, it seems that the old girl pulls a bit to the left.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 12

From left to right: Lant Krek, Alfred Smith, Electra Pendragon, and Ditzy "Derpy Hooves" Doo

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Meanwhile, in the Robo-Cave...

Edrobot: Now that I've killed the most popular Homestuck characters, I, The Great and Powerful Edrobot, will create an entirely new MST series with my own characters! MWA HA HA HA HA!

Andrew Hussie: Not so fast! The only one who's going to killing off Homestuck characters is me!

Edrobot: *Gasp* Andrew hussie?!?! How on earth did you find my secret headquarters?!

Andrew: I looked it up in the yellow pages. It was listed under "S" for "Secret Headquarters".

Edrobot: I knew that would come back to bite me...

Andrew: Now retcon everyone's deaths, or else I'll run you down with this rusty machete!

Edrobot: Okay okay fine, geez...

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 11

Episode 11

Homestuck High Part 8

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Jake English: Well chaps, it's been quite the month or two, but we've finally reached the end of Homestuck High! I'm sad to say that this story did come to an end before it was completed, the author is still alive apparently as she posted the latest chapter a mere month ago. For now though, this is the end of our voyage.

Karkat Vantas: ABOUT. FUCKING. TIME. I SWEAR, IF I HAVE TO SEE THE WORD "EJACULATE"...

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 10

Episode 10

Homestuck High Part 7

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Warning

This episode contains another badly written sex scene, and is thus Not Safe For Work. If you have been mentally scarred for life by reading this chapter, please form an angry mob and start an "Occupy Wall Street" rally. This will not help your situation in the slightest, but it will keep you off the internet long enough for me to flee the country.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 9

Dave: oaky i recognize the soulcalibur part. its a fighting game series about weaponmasters from all over the world fighting over a pair of magical swords; soulcalibur and soul edge. soul edge is an obviously evil weapon that wants to destroy everything and soulcalibur is supposedly its good counterpart except it turns out in soul caliber 4 and 5 that its also evil or something. i dont really pay much attention to the story but its supposedly more complicated than your typical fighting game (though the story modes of 4 and 5 suck) and the fighting mechanics are universally solid. but whats the rest of the title mean?

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 8

Episode 8

Homestuck High Part 6
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Karkat Vantas: WHY HASN'T THIS ENDED YET?! ARE THERE REALLY ENOUGH TERRIBLE IDEAS IN THE WORLD TO JUSTIFY THREE MORE CHAPTERS OF THIS SHIT?!

Dave Strider: dude. this is the internet. the shit pile doesnt stop from getting taller.

Jake English: Well you know what they say, vantas; one man's trash is another man's-

Karkat: SHUT UP AND LETS GO ALREADY.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 7

Episode 7

Burston's Sorrow

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Jake: Today we'll be taking a quick break from homestuck high to look at burston's sorrow, a disney/pokemon crossover about goofy's son burston.

Dave: i know i haven't seen a disney movie in years, but i thought his name was max.

Jake: Well yes, but this is an alternate continuity.

Karkat: THAT'S YOUR GO-TO EXCUSE FOR EVERYTHING, ISN'T IT?

Jake: And your point is?

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 6

Episode 6

Homestuck High Part 5

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Last time, on JEMToSRFTY3k...

Karkat Vantas: ...DID ANY OF THAT STUFF ACTUALLY HAPPEN?

Dave Strider: of course not. the producer just wanted us to have an episode recap thing. its just that nothing of importance actually happened in the last five episodes so i just took a footage from a bunch of final fantasy games and shit.

Jake English: Normally i would complain, but since i am english and this is tangentially related to dr. who i am contractually obligated to not say anything bad about it. So let us move onward to chapter 5!