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| "I WAS FROZEN, TODAY!"
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Karkat: UUUGH... MY HEAD FEELS LIKE IT'S IN A TRASH COMPACTOR... DID I JUST DIE AND GO TO TROLL HEAVEN?
Pinkie Pie: Karkat! You're finally awake! Hooray! ^0^
Dave: took you long enough.
Karkat: NOPE. LOOKS LIKE I ENDED UP IN THE OTHER PLACE.
Dave: seriously though. all kidding aside where the hell are we??
Jake: We're in the "labyrinth of bliss", a demiplane located in the 1.33rd dimension between two particles of time where the prophet gilesbie's whims become reality, and the only physical law is what one truly believes in their heart of hearts.
Karkat: WHERE'D YOU LEARN ALL THIS?
Jake: It wasn printed on that plaque over by the gift shop. They've got some really neat stuff! Look; a t-shirt that says 'i was obliterated by the prophet gilesbie and all i got was this t-shirt'!
Karkat: HOW CHEERY.
Dave: so were on her home turf? mission accomplished.
Jake: Ah, but getting here was only half the battle. Now that we've found her lair, we must locate gilesbie's inner sanctum, to confront her directly. But in order to do that, we must navigate the metaspaces she's has constructed, and in order to do that we must find and dismantle "ego locks" she's set up to deter intruders.
Karkat: WHAT'S AN EGO LOCK?
Dave: its that big floating lock over there with all the hearts printed on it.
Pinkie: I'll get the blowtorch! ^-^
Jake: Ah, i'm afraid that won't work, pinkie. The 1.333rd dimension is built out of words and sentences the same way our world is built out of numbers and atoms. Here, the idea of a weapon can be every bit as deadly as the weapon itself, and emotions are both one's strongest allies and greatest enemies. It's almost as if the pen really is mightier than the sword!
Karkat: YOUR POINT?
Jake: My point is that an ego lock is built out of a story, and if we can take apart the story it was based on through literary analyses-
Dave: and snarky comments.
Jake: ...we will be able to literally take apart the lock itself!
Karkat: THAT DOESN'T SOUND SO BAD. WHAT STORY IS IT?
Dave: dave stdider pokemon traner chapter 4.
Karkat: ...I REALLY SHOULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING.
Jake: Tally ho!
dave and wil and GROUNDOON lerft the cave abd went to go to pewter city and get the next bag becuz there are the heros of this story except not wil hes a sdie caracter. wen they finaly got there naruto wuz ther
Karkat: BECAUSE WHY NOT? NINJAS? POKEMON? THEY HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON WITH EACH OTHER THAT I DON'T EVEN NEED TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE'S DOING HERE.
Dave: believe it.
and sed u cant get da bade yet becuz tghe gym leader Tarezi is CAPURED BY TEAM BAD!
NOOOOOOO! dave yelled i LUVED HER.!
NOOOOOOO! dave yelled i LUVED HER.!
Dave: insert lyrics from a really whiny song here.
where did they take her? naruto sed they tokk her to the museam wher the want to reviv fossil pokermon and rule the world!
Pinkie: ^-^
Karkat: I'M REALLY STARTING TO GET TIRED OF THAT CLIP.
"why would they do taht? dave asked
Jake: Dave brings up a good point; why do villains always want to rule the world? Personally, i think ruling the planet would be more trouble than it's worth. After all, the archtypical quasi-socialist totalitarian dictatorship requires an enormous amount of planning to maintain. And that's not even getting into the things you need to do to keep your neck above your subordinates' schemes...
"becuz she can REVIVE FOLLIS WITH HER FOSSIL REVIVER MACINE
Jake: Oh, well, that's a pretty good reason. I mean who doesn't want a theme park full of dinosuars?
and also they wnat to hurt you becuz you love her.
Dave: man. if only the catgirl were here. shed be all over this ship.
dave adn will left to the left to the museum and open ed the door
Pinkie: Oh hi, Ed! Long time no see! How you doing?
Ed the Door: Great! I just got promoted, and my kid just got a summer job as a mailbox!
Karkat: UUUUUUUUH....
Dave: dont think about it too hard.
and Terezi wuz there and also wuz safe! WERE IS TEAM BADD? dave asked? naruto told me that they had u in here and they wer gunna revive pokmon! I LYED! naruto sed as he unasked himself and he was JACK!
Dave: hold on. i got a phone call.
Karkat: AGAIN?
Dave: yeah. its probably caliborn calling to scream some sort of butchered quotation at us. hello?
Caliborn (on phone): ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKE JACK A SHITTY TWIST! *CLICK*
Dave: called it.
KARKIT NOW! jcak yelled and tarpzi unmased herself and was KAFKAT!
Karkat: WAIT. WHY DID JACK MAKE ME WEAR A DISGUISE IF HE WAS JUST GOING TO MAKE ME TAKE IT OFF AS SOON AS DAVE ENTERED THE ROOM?
Dave: maybe he just has some really weird cosplay fetish.
Karkat: ...PLEASE KILL ME.
jack laffed and sed "u guys are chumps terezi is safe and sund in teh gym.
Karkat: GEE, IT'S ALMOST AS IF YOU SHOULD HAVE LOOKED THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE BEFORE RUNNING OFF WITH SOME ORANGE-SUITED NITWIT.
yeah kartark added we lured u here and now are goin to kill u and take GROUNDOON!
Dave: and how exactly are you going to do that?
Pinkie: *as Jack Noir* I... have no idea. We didn't think we'd get this far, to be honest. -_-
u are BAD MAN. dave sed.
Karkat: FOR ALL THE SPELLING ERRORS IN THIS STORY, HE MIGHT AS WELL BE CALLING HIM BATMAN.
he lept to the of them and swung his sord but he missed becuz if he killed them the story wud be over.
Jake: Nothing like a bit of medium awareness to spice up a story, eh wot?
dave realzed that fighting isnt nesecarty becuz this is pokemon so he sent out GROUNDOON. Jack ginned GROUNDOON SUCKS MY POKMON IS BETTER. GO SADOW LUIGIA!
Karkat: "SHADOW LUGIA"? NOW HE'S YOU'RE JUST MAKING STUFF UP.
Jake: Au contrare; shadow lugia is a character in the spinoff game pokemon xd: gale of darkness, sequel to the game pokemon colesseum. Shadow lugia is a "shadow pokemon", a pokemon that has been altered by an organization called "cipher" to be much more powerful, and far more vicious, than usual. But shadow lugia is a special case even among shadow pokemon, as it cannot be "purified" by normal means. The presence in shadow lugia in this story implies that team bad has some sort of connection to chipher. Were jack and karkat once members of the group? or perhaps is team bad is like team snagem, merely the cover for a far more grand plot? Only time will tell...
Dave: wow. and here i though it was just some lazy attempt to cram elements whatever game the author was thinking about into the story. but now i know better.
Pinkie: ^_^
GROUNDOON beat luigia easily thog becuz he is ground type witch is effective aganst flying.
Dave: *throws away strategy guide* fuck it. the author clearly never played this game before.
we will get u next toime jcak yelled as him and kitkar fled.
Dave: wow. these guys make team rocket look like professionals.
we BEET HIM! will sed!
Karkat: WERE YOU REALLY THAT SURPRISED AFTER HOW THE LAST FEW FIGHTS WENT?
yeah dave said but now we have to be terepi and get da badge.
so dey went to da gym and saw tarzepi an she siad "dave i missed you and love u!
Pinkie Pie: Character development, everyone! ^-^
dave hugged adn kissed her and becuz tereai luved him he got the badge for FREE!
Jake: Talk about friends with benefits!
Karkat: WHAT?
Jake: You know. Because they're friends. And for being friends terezi gave dave a badge as a benefit. Ergo, "friends with benefits".
Dave: thats not what the term means.
Jake: What does it mean, then?
Karkat: IT MEANS THEY HAVE SEX.
Jake: Oh. Uh.... moving on!
dave im comming with you on your quest. dave sed cool becuz they wer in love.
DAVE NOWW HAS 2 BADS AND TERZI ON HIS TEAM!1! WAT CUD GO WRONG NOW? (A LOT LOL)
Dave: annnd there goes the ego lock.
Jake: It seems that words have quite a bit of power in this dimention. With this in mind, who knows what kind of obstacles the prophet could have in store for us?
Dave: calling it right now. it's probably something ripped off of kingdom hearts.
??????: Hold it right there!
Karkat: ARRRG. NOW WHAT?
Douchy McNitpick: I'm Douchy McNitpick, and I'm here to stop you on behalf of the Prophet Gilesbie and Orgy XIII!
Karkat: GREAT, NOW WE'RE NOT JUST BORROWING JOKES FROM THAT GUY WITH THE GLASSES, WE'RE STEALING CHARACTERS WHOLESALE. WHAT'S NEXT? "VAGABOND REVIEWS"? OBSCURAS NEPETA? TROLL PHELOUS?
Troll Phelous: Hello, I'm Troll Phelous, and welcome to The Troll Phelous Movie Time Show With Troll Phelous. Today we'll be looking at Troll Troll II, better known as The Movie that is a billed as a sequel to "the low-budget horror movie where a stupid looking monster kidnaps and replaces a little girl in order to turn other people into monsters and take over the world, with exactly zero genuinely scary moments and one hundred and ninety eight unintentionally funny moments", but is in fact an unrelated, even lower budget movie about vegitarian goblins who try to turn people into goblin food for some reason, which has incredibly bad acting and special effects.
Karkat: YEAH... I MEAN STUFF LIKE THAT.
Douchy: Hey! I'm talking to to you!
Karkat: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M LISTENING?
Jake: Please stand aside mister mcnitpick, i dont think you understand the magnitude of the problem we're dealing with.
Douchy: Oh I understand completely. The prophet says she wants to destroy the barrier between fiction and reality, so her followers can become, gods uninhibited morality living out their wildest fantasies with glee, weaving the world's destiny with but a thought! And more importantly, it's world where I can be taken seriously!
Pinkie: My god it's worse than we thought!
Karkat: I WOULDN'T WISH THAT FATE UPON MY WORST ENEMY.
Dave: oh yeah and the whole 'amoral godlike beings destroying reality' thing sounds pretty bad too.
Douchy: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Just for that, I'm going to read a long list of complaints I have about your show. *Ahem*. Complaint number one; Karkat doesn't swear creatively enough. Complaint number two; your early episodes have terrible formatting. Complaint number three; jake doesn't use archaic slang much-
Karkat: WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.
Douchy: Oh yeah? Well you're going to be here a while, because I set the password to the only way out of this room to be the complete text of Dave Stdider Pokemon Traner chapter 5. But you'll never be able to get through it! Never in a million years!
Dave: wait. let me get this straight. you made the password be the text from a bad piece of fan-fiction knowing full well that we have a show about reading bad fanfiction expecting us to be so physically repulsed that we wouldnt be able to finish it.
Douchy: Well when you put it that way it does sound kind of... I mean OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!
Karkat: ...YOU HEARD THE MAN. LET'S GET CRACKING.
after wat seemed like yeers of waking
Pinkie: ^-^
Karkat: I'M REALLY STARTING TO GET TIRED OF THAT CLIP.
"why would they do taht? dave asked
Jake: Dave brings up a good point; why do villains always want to rule the world? Personally, i think ruling the planet would be more trouble than it's worth. After all, the archtypical quasi-socialist totalitarian dictatorship requires an enormous amount of planning to maintain. And that's not even getting into the things you need to do to keep your neck above your subordinates' schemes...
"becuz she can REVIVE FOLLIS WITH HER FOSSIL REVIVER MACINE
Jake: Oh, well, that's a pretty good reason. I mean who doesn't want a theme park full of dinosuars?
and also they wnat to hurt you becuz you love her.
Dave: man. if only the catgirl were here. shed be all over this ship.
dave adn will left to the left to the museum and open ed the door
Pinkie: Oh hi, Ed! Long time no see! How you doing?
Ed the Door: Great! I just got promoted, and my kid just got a summer job as a mailbox!
Karkat: UUUUUUUUH....
Dave: dont think about it too hard.
and Terezi wuz there and also wuz safe! WERE IS TEAM BADD? dave asked? naruto told me that they had u in here and they wer gunna revive pokmon! I LYED! naruto sed as he unasked himself and he was JACK!
Dave: hold on. i got a phone call.
Karkat: AGAIN?
Dave: yeah. its probably caliborn calling to scream some sort of butchered quotation at us. hello?
Caliborn (on phone): ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKE JACK A SHITTY TWIST! *CLICK*
Dave: called it.
KARKIT NOW! jcak yelled and tarpzi unmased herself and was KAFKAT!
Karkat: WAIT. WHY DID JACK MAKE ME WEAR A DISGUISE IF HE WAS JUST GOING TO MAKE ME TAKE IT OFF AS SOON AS DAVE ENTERED THE ROOM?
Dave: maybe he just has some really weird cosplay fetish.
Karkat: ...PLEASE KILL ME.
jack laffed and sed "u guys are chumps terezi is safe and sund in teh gym.
Karkat: GEE, IT'S ALMOST AS IF YOU SHOULD HAVE LOOKED THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE BEFORE RUNNING OFF WITH SOME ORANGE-SUITED NITWIT.
yeah kartark added we lured u here and now are goin to kill u and take GROUNDOON!
Dave: and how exactly are you going to do that?
Pinkie: *as Jack Noir* I... have no idea. We didn't think we'd get this far, to be honest. -_-
u are BAD MAN. dave sed.
Karkat: FOR ALL THE SPELLING ERRORS IN THIS STORY, HE MIGHT AS WELL BE CALLING HIM BATMAN.
he lept to the of them and swung his sord but he missed becuz if he killed them the story wud be over.
Jake: Nothing like a bit of medium awareness to spice up a story, eh wot?
dave realzed that fighting isnt nesecarty becuz this is pokemon so he sent out GROUNDOON. Jack ginned GROUNDOON SUCKS MY POKMON IS BETTER. GO SADOW LUIGIA!
Karkat: "SHADOW LUGIA"? NOW HE'S YOU'RE JUST MAKING STUFF UP.
Jake: Au contrare; shadow lugia is a character in the spinoff game pokemon xd: gale of darkness, sequel to the game pokemon colesseum. Shadow lugia is a "shadow pokemon", a pokemon that has been altered by an organization called "cipher" to be much more powerful, and far more vicious, than usual. But shadow lugia is a special case even among shadow pokemon, as it cannot be "purified" by normal means. The presence in shadow lugia in this story implies that team bad has some sort of connection to chipher. Were jack and karkat once members of the group? or perhaps is team bad is like team snagem, merely the cover for a far more grand plot? Only time will tell...
Dave: wow. and here i though it was just some lazy attempt to cram elements whatever game the author was thinking about into the story. but now i know better.
Pinkie: ^_^
GROUNDOON beat luigia easily thog becuz he is ground type witch is effective aganst flying.
Dave: *throws away strategy guide* fuck it. the author clearly never played this game before.
we will get u next toime jcak yelled as him and kitkar fled.
Dave: wow. these guys make team rocket look like professionals.
we BEET HIM! will sed!
Karkat: WERE YOU REALLY THAT SURPRISED AFTER HOW THE LAST FEW FIGHTS WENT?
yeah dave said but now we have to be terepi and get da badge.
so dey went to da gym and saw tarzepi an she siad "dave i missed you and love u!
Pinkie Pie: Character development, everyone! ^-^
dave hugged adn kissed her and becuz tereai luved him he got the badge for FREE!
Jake: Talk about friends with benefits!
Karkat: WHAT?
Jake: You know. Because they're friends. And for being friends terezi gave dave a badge as a benefit. Ergo, "friends with benefits".
Dave: thats not what the term means.
Jake: What does it mean, then?
Karkat: IT MEANS THEY HAVE SEX.
Jake: Oh. Uh.... moving on!
dave im comming with you on your quest. dave sed cool becuz they wer in love.
DAVE NOWW HAS 2 BADS AND TERZI ON HIS TEAM!1! WAT CUD GO WRONG NOW? (A LOT LOL)
Dave: annnd there goes the ego lock.
Jake: It seems that words have quite a bit of power in this dimention. With this in mind, who knows what kind of obstacles the prophet could have in store for us?
Dave: calling it right now. it's probably something ripped off of kingdom hearts.
??????: Hold it right there!
Karkat: ARRRG. NOW WHAT?
Douchy McNitpick: I'm Douchy McNitpick, and I'm here to stop you on behalf of the Prophet Gilesbie and Orgy XIII!
Karkat: GREAT, NOW WE'RE NOT JUST BORROWING JOKES FROM THAT GUY WITH THE GLASSES, WE'RE STEALING CHARACTERS WHOLESALE. WHAT'S NEXT? "VAGABOND REVIEWS"? OBSCURAS NEPETA? TROLL PHELOUS?
Troll Phelous: Hello, I'm Troll Phelous, and welcome to The Troll Phelous Movie Time Show With Troll Phelous. Today we'll be looking at Troll Troll II, better known as The Movie that is a billed as a sequel to "the low-budget horror movie where a stupid looking monster kidnaps and replaces a little girl in order to turn other people into monsters and take over the world, with exactly zero genuinely scary moments and one hundred and ninety eight unintentionally funny moments", but is in fact an unrelated, even lower budget movie about vegitarian goblins who try to turn people into goblin food for some reason, which has incredibly bad acting and special effects.
Karkat: YEAH... I MEAN STUFF LIKE THAT.
Douchy: Hey! I'm talking to to you!
Karkat: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M LISTENING?
Jake: Please stand aside mister mcnitpick, i dont think you understand the magnitude of the problem we're dealing with.
Douchy: Oh I understand completely. The prophet says she wants to destroy the barrier between fiction and reality, so her followers can become, gods uninhibited morality living out their wildest fantasies with glee, weaving the world's destiny with but a thought! And more importantly, it's world where I can be taken seriously!
Pinkie: My god it's worse than we thought!
Karkat: I WOULDN'T WISH THAT FATE UPON MY WORST ENEMY.
Dave: oh yeah and the whole 'amoral godlike beings destroying reality' thing sounds pretty bad too.
Douchy: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Just for that, I'm going to read a long list of complaints I have about your show. *Ahem*. Complaint number one; Karkat doesn't swear creatively enough. Complaint number two; your early episodes have terrible formatting. Complaint number three; jake doesn't use archaic slang much-
Karkat: WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.
Douchy: Oh yeah? Well you're going to be here a while, because I set the password to the only way out of this room to be the complete text of Dave Stdider Pokemon Traner chapter 5. But you'll never be able to get through it! Never in a million years!
Dave: wait. let me get this straight. you made the password be the text from a bad piece of fan-fiction knowing full well that we have a show about reading bad fanfiction expecting us to be so physically repulsed that we wouldnt be able to finish it.
Douchy: Well when you put it that way it does sound kind of... I mean OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!
Karkat: ...YOU HEARD THE MAN. LET'S GET CRACKING.
after wat seemed like yeers of waking
Karkat: READING UP TO THIS POINT CERTAINLY SEEMED LIKE YEARS TO ME.
our tree heros
Dave: better known as 'the defenders of arbor day'.
arrived at da larvender town. bro this si so cool will said i hope we dont see gosts. nah terpei said their only in the pokemon tower and we dont have to go there so we're god.
Karkat: GEE, I WONDER IF THEY'RE GOING TO GO INTO THE POKEMON TOWER. WHAT A TWIST THAT WOULD BE.
"yeh lets get out of here quik so we can got to the verdemillion city and get a badge dave repiled. they went to the root to the vermillion when grissom form csi
Karkat: SURE! CSI CHARACTERS! WHY DON'T YOU JUST THROW IN LAW AND ORDER, ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT, AND DOWNTON FUCKING ABBY WHILE YOU'RE AT IT FOR ALL THE SENSE THIS STORY MAKES?
stoped them and sed "stop were investigatng the disaperancer of mr fuji. wile he stopped them.
who is mr fuji. dave asked.. mr fuji is teh towns mayor
Jake: And, believe it or not, one of the few canon pokemon characters to actually appear in this story!
and he vanised yestaday wen he was visitig the pokmin tower.
Dave: but don't worry. the kidnappers dont have have a *sunglasses* ghost of a chance,
Douchy: That's from CSI Miami, you dumbass! Grissrom is from CSI... er... not Miami!
Karkat: THANKS FOR THE, CORRECTION, MISTER SUNSHINE.
oh no terezi sed not the pokemon towerr theres gosts there. yes grissom sed that is why we cannort climb it adn find him.
Karkat: THEY'RE THE BEST!
Dave: or waiting for the ghostbusters to arrive. take your pick.
YOU MUST DO ITT BECUZ U ARE TRAINERS!
Dave: wow. this world must be a real shithole if little kids with monsters are more competent than trained policemen.
hes rigt dave sed we are traners we musty find him b4 he dies or worse he gets KILLED BY GOSTS!
Dave: does that mean ghost type pokemon eat souls? man keeping one as a pet cant be plesant.
GROUNDOON and i can fnid him. u guyhs stay her with grosson.
NO. teraki and will said we must go wit you becuz we r your friends.
Dave: does that mean ghost type pokemon eat souls? man keeping one as a pet cant be plesant.
GROUNDOON and i can fnid him. u guyhs stay her with grosson.
NO. teraki and will said we must go wit you becuz we r your friends.
dave noddeded and dey went to da tower. insine it wuz super dark ad scary and it made terezi cry becuz it wuz dark and scary.
Karkat: OUT OF CHARACTER MOMENT! THOUGH THEN AGAIN, JACK NOIR IS THE CLOSEST GUY TO BEING IN CHARACTER IN THIS STORY...
dave sed GROUNDOON FLASH and GROUNDOON flashed but it didnt do anyting.
Karkat: IRONIC GIVEN THAT DARK ROOMS ARE THE ONLY TIME YOU'D EVER WANT TO USE FLASH IN THE FIRST PLACE.
it must be the HOSTS dong this dave sed.
Pinkie: Noooooo, not a host club! Keep those bishonen prettyboys away from me! *-*
i hat ghosts tarpezi remerked. suddenly will trpid and fell trough a trap door! dave adn tarperi didnt notice thog becuz they were too busy waking.
Karkat: WHAT A GOOD BUNCH OF FRIENDS.
will got up adn there right b4 him wuz some GOSTS!
Dave: wow. ghosts. never saw that coming.
they were wering sheets adn they siand BOO.
Dave: this is the absolute scariest thing i have ever read in my life.
one ghost warped behing will and tired him up! heh heh heh the ghost sed. NOW YOU WILL NEVA FIND YOUR FIENDS! HAHAHAHAHA! will screamed but mo one herd him becuz they were in a basement witch was soundproof.
Computer: PASSWORD, ACCEPTED.
Jake: Huzzah! Our quest continues!
Dave: so what was that about not getting through this in a million years?
Douchy: I hate allll of you! In fact I hope that the next member of Orgy XIII kills you, so I can make fun of your corpses!
Karkat: WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT OF THAT?
Douchy: That... sounded much better in my head. OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH! *Runs away*
Pikie: Well that takes care of that! ^0^
Karkat: WE'RE NOT OUT OF THE FIRE JUST YET. THE FUCKASS SAID SOMETHING ABOUT A GROUP CALLED "ORGY XIII". PUTTING ASIDE HOW STUPID THAT NAME SOUNDS, IF THE NAME MEANS ANYTHING THERE'S AT LEAST TWELVE MORE GUYS TO GO.
Jake: Good point, vantas. I suggest we try to acertain the wearabouts of the others, and then form an adventuring party to storm the prophet's stronghold.
Pinkie: YAY! I LOVE PARTIES! ^-^
Jake: I just hope the others are doing okay...
-------------------
Lant Kreck: Hey, Al. I'm back with the firewood you asked for. Any luck with the star chart?
Alfred Smith: Negatory. Either we're on another planet, a pocket dimension, a bounded field with a false sky (a 'la the false sky in Darker than Black), or far enough in the past (and/or future) that our modern-day constellations would be completely unrecognizable. Have you found Electra yet? STOP
Lant: No, not yet. These woods just go on forever, I doubt we'll be able to find her tonight.
Alfred: Well you gave it your best. For now let's just pack it in and try again in the morning. STOP
Lant: Right.
Alfred: ...
Lant: ...
Alfred: ...
Lant: *sigh*
Alfred: Something bugging you?
Lant: ...It's nothing.
Alfred: Lant...
Lant: Okay fine. I'm just a little bummed out that I didn't- no, that I couldn't do anything back at the Christmas party.
Alfred: No shame in not fighting a battle you can't win. Caius Ballad is pretty top-teir in terms of power level, and even if we did kill him his death would just destroy the timeline anyway. STOP
Lant: But that's just it, Al. I spent my entire life trying to protect a planet that wanted me dead, and for all the good I did on Alternia, everyone I saved was killed by the Vast Glub. And just when I was thinking I could make a new start on Earth, Gilesbie comes around with some crazy time-travel scheme to screw with reality and bascily ruin everything I've worked for.
Alfred: Hey, maybe it was hard to be a Terronian on Alternia, but you're not alone in this. My planet was destroyed too... STOP
Lant: Yeah, well, at least on your planet you didn't have to wear a disguise every day to avoid being culled! At least on your planet you didn't have to fit in to some stupid blood caste! At least on your planet you didn't have to pretend to be someone you're not!
Alfred: Well if things were so horrible for you, why did you want to protect your planet by beating up supervillains? STOP
Lant: Because it was my home! Beacuse I had friends! Because my Lusus cared for me! Even if it was just some biological glitch in his system that made him think I was his dead ward! But in the end, The Reckoning came too quickly for me to save anyone I cared about. Instead I got pulled into into someone else's SBURB session for reasons I still don't understand. And we lost, so I guess I ended up fucking that up too!
Alfred: Lant, calm down! You're forgetting to use you typing quirk! STOP
Lant: Forget the typing quirk! I haven't had a single, stable typing quirk in over a decade! I don't even know if my species even uses typing quirks!
Alfred: Well at least none of that was your fault! I ended up screwing over my own session because I was a selfish prick who was more interested in living out JRPG cliches than doing anything all that heroic! I bullied my friend, estranged my allies, created doomed timelines just to see what would happen... hell, I ended up creating my own arch-nemesis when one of my doomed selves went God Tier. STOP
Lant: And yet here you are, getting away with everything.
Alfred: Only because I grew up. I learned to be more empathetic, learned how to return the trust my allies placed in me, and above all learned that (while there's a place for such things) I can't have my fantasies take priority over reality. It may have been too late to save my session, or even to Scratch it. But at least I managed to help my friends escape the Incipisphere, even if I couldn't come with them. The only reason I'm still alive is that Dad and my old sidekicks were able to rescue me from Derse before The Tumor went all kablooey. STOP
Lant: ...Really.
Alfred: ...you don't belive me, do you? STOP
Lant: No, no, I know you're not a liar. You don't have the right kind of... er, "creativity" for that.
Alfred: Thank you! STOP
Lant: I guess it makes me feel a little better knowing that you're just as much of a failure as I am.
Alfred: Well, what are friends for? STOP
Lant: So we're friends now? Is that it?
Alfred: Weren't we always? STOP
Lant: ...yeah. I guess we are.
Alfred: ...
Lant: ...
Alfred: ...
Lant: ...hey, is that a light over there?
Alfred: So it is! Do you think maybe Electra found us? STOP
Lant: only one way to find out...
DETECTIVE
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