Episode 8
Karkat Vantas: WHY HASN'T THIS ENDED YET?! ARE THERE REALLY ENOUGH TERRIBLE IDEAS IN THE WORLD TO JUSTIFY THREE MORE CHAPTERS OF THIS SHIT?!
Dave Strider: dude. this is the internet. the shit pile doesnt stop from getting taller.
Jake English: Well you know what they say, vantas; one man's trash is another man's-
GUYUS STFU OKAI STUP BEIN MEEN!
Dave: yeah karkat see what youve done?? you hurt her feelings.
Karkat: FEELINGS IMPLY THAT THIS AUTHOR HAD A SOUL AT SOME POINT.
Jake: I do say old bean, you seem absolutely infuriated today. Would you mind cutting down on the ad hominim attacks just a teeny bit?
Karkat: WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I?
Dave: because i have the sugarcube corner on speed dial.
Karkat: ...THE PLACE FROM THAT PONY SHOW YOUR BROTHER WATCHES? HOW DOES THAT MAKE ANY-
Dave: hello sugarcube corner? im looking to host a party and i was wondering if pinkie pie could...
Karkat: OKAY OKAY FINE I'LL LEAVE THE AUTHOR ALONE, JUST KEEP THAT PINK DEVIL AWAY FROM ME!
Dave: sorry wrong number goodby.
Jake: ...I think you could have handled that with a wee bit more tact, dave.
Dave: maybe. but this is more fun.
dis story is good u havnt seen wat is planed!
Karkat: I'M STILL HAVING A HARD TIME BELIEVING THAT ANY THOUGHT WAS PUT INTO THIS.
Dave: oh look my cell phone still has four bars. i wonder who i should call...
Karkat: UH, I MEAN GOLLY GEE WILLIKERS! I AM SUPER-DUPER ALLY-OOPER EXCITED TO SEE WHAT KIND OF MADCAP HIJINKS THE AUTHOR HAS IN STORE FOR US NEXT!
Dave: thats more like it.
an i m sorry i havn updtated as muc school SUXXXXXXX!
Karkat: YIPPIE KAI-YAY! MY FAITH IN THE HUMAN EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM IS STRONGER THAN EVER!
Karkat: YIPPIE KAI-YAY! MY FAITH IN THE HUMAN EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM IS STRONGER THAN EVER!
"hav you named them yet" john assed jade
Karkat: I KNOW FOR A FACT THE AUTHOR DID THAT ON PURPOSE BEACUSE THE MENTAL IMAGE OF A GUY TALKING THROUGH HIS BUTTOCKS WAS TOTALLY HER INTENTED ARTISTIC VISION THAT MUST NEVER BE QUESTIONED.
Jake: Actually i think that was just a-
Karkat: MUST NEVER BE QUESTIONED!!!!!
"i will call the daemon equius" jade complicaed "daves girl will be caled terezi and tarovs son jake!"
Karkat: OBVIOUSLY SHE MADE JAKE THE SON OF TAVROS (WHO IF YOU REMEMBER IS ACTUALLY ME SUFFERING AMNESIA) THIS BECAUSE I AM SUCH A FATHER FIGURE TO JAKE IN HOMESTUCK CANON.
Jake: I'm pretty sure that we never met in canon.
Karkat: OH SON, YOU ALWAYS KNOW THE FUNNIEST JOKES. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH HA HA!
Jake: ...Okay, now you're starting to scare me.
Karkat: *GO TO YOUR ROOM!*
Jake: We are in my room.
Karkat: OH... SO WE ARE. CARRY ON THEN.
"my son..." tarvos masurcated "is beautfil"
"my son..." tarvos masurcated "is beautfil"
Karkat: THOSE ARE TOTALLY REAL WORDS THAT ARE ONLY FOUND IN OBSCURE DICTIONARYS THAT ONLY SMART PEOPLE LIKE ME KNOW ABOUT. ISNT THAT RIGHT MY DARLING LITTLE BOY?
Jake: Uh... *watches helplessly as Karkat steals my glasses*
Karkat: OF COURSE YOU DO! I DIDN'T RAISE MY ONE AND ONLY SON TO BE AN IDIOT AFTER ALL. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Suddenly white smok came in to and their was Sollex with a moses bucket with a grin on his face. Everyone gaped and jade lunged for equius.
Karkat: MOSES OF COURSE WAS A GUY IN THE BIBLE AND HE IS IMPORTANT TO THIS STORY'S SYMBOLISM BECAUSE HE HAD A BUCKET THAT CONTAINED TWO OF EVERY ANIMAL WHICH HE USED TO SHAVE THE BEARD OF GOLIATH BY MARCHING AROUND HIM FOR SEVEN DAYS AND SEVEN NIGHTS AND THEN THE HAD ENOUGH FISH TO FEED ELEVENDY ZILLION PEOPLE! AMEN!
Jake: Dave, please tell me you know how to fix Karkat before he murders us in a vengefully ironic fashion and turns our corpses into baking products.
Dave: i have no fucking clue.
Jake: ...come again?
Dave: i said you must look inside yourself for the answers you seek.
Jake: Very well then, i think i have a plan...
"NO! YOU CANOT HAVE HIM!" SHE CRED.
"NO! YOU CANOT HAVE HIM!" SHE CRED.
Karkat: SHE CRED! SHE ALL THE CRED!
Jake: Uh... yes! That is completely true! She does all the cred! And you know what rhymes with "cred"?
Karkat: DEAD? HEAD? YOU WANT A DEAD HEAD?
Jake: No! Well, it does rhyme but i was actually going to say "bed".
Karkat: BEDS ARE NICE TOO! I WANNA GO TO BED!
Jake: Well there's one over there with your name on it!
"foolish mortel! he will becom the next daemon lord of the derse! u can not stop my planes..." Sollux potted
Karkat: I'M POTTING MYSELF TO BED NOW. GOODNIGHT CLEVELAND!
Jake: *sighs in relief* Looks like i bought us some time.
"foolish mortel! he will becom the next daemon lord of the derse! u can not stop my planes..." Sollux potted
Karkat: I'M POTTING MYSELF TO BED NOW. GOODNIGHT CLEVELAND!
Jake: *sighs in relief* Looks like i bought us some time.
Dave: im sorry whats going on again?
Jake: Ever since pinkie pie showed vantas her fanfic back in episode 4, he's been morbidly afraid of the pink equine to the point of paranoia! Your threat to bring here must have driven his psyche to the breaking point! I don't think he even knows the difference between reality and the fanfic any more! We need to get him to a doctor before-
Gamzee stod up.
Gamzee stod up.
Jake: Oh merciful heavens, the sleeping leviathan has awoken!
Karkat: HEY GUYS WHATS UP WANNA SEE MY *STABS*?!
"no u daemon equius will rule prospit do you not COMPREHEND" he condemed
"YOU DO NOT KNOW ME" sollux welped.
"no u daemon equius will rule prospit do you not COMPREHEND" he condemed
"YOU DO NOT KNOW ME" sollux welped.
Karkat: WAAAAAAAAAA NOBODY UNDERSTAND ME! WHY CRUEL WORLD WHY?! *SOB SOB SOB*
Jake: Hm. This breakdown is a less climactic than i imagined...
Dave: this is getting stupid. i'm just going to bop him on the head like last time and be done with it.
Jake: Dave, just because that worked last time doesn't mean that-
Karkat: I'M THE JAKESTALGIA CRITIC! I LOVE EVERYTHING SO YOU DON'T HAVE- *OW!* DAMN IT STRIDER WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?! ...AND WHY AM I WEARING GLASSES?!
Jake: Never mind. It seems that empirical evidence triumphs over skepticism yet again. *puts glasses back on*
Karkat: ...YOU GUYS ARE WEIRD.
"THESE PLAINS ARE NOT YORUS TO CONQUER" GAmzee reunited
Tarvos stood up, "No. he must go with the daemon becuse it has ben ritten"
Dave: i think you got your quote wrong there.
John shook his hed "but then he will try too sex rose!" he coaxed
Sollux grined "rose will becum my bird and we will make love every nite."
John shook his hed "but then he will try too sex rose!" he coaxed
Sollux grined "rose will becum my bird and we will make love every nite."
Karkat: YOU'RE NOT HELPING YOUR CASE.
"NO" john moaned and pulled out Demontroll. He put on his hornes and he transformation into Eridan.
Everyone gasped.
"John you look different..." Rose peculiured.
Karkat: THANK YOU FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS. AGAIN. OR IS YOUR MEMORY JUST THAT BAD?
"Sollux. My enemey. Youmust defet me to progess in yor quest"
Dave: sorry i cant hear you. maybe youd say less typos without all those marbles in your mouth.
Sollux smirkes and takes roses rist. she yellped and then Sollux diisapparated and let a bloody note saying 'daddys cuming for you equius'.
Karkat: I AM TRYING MY HARDEST NOT TO MAKE A PEDOPHILIA JOKE. I REALLY AM.
Dave: and the talent agent says to me "what do you call your act???" so i tell him... "the aristocrats".
Karkat: GREAT, NOW WE'VE INSULTED PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY HAVE MONEY. IF SOME KIND OF BRITISH NINJA ASSASSIN SLITS MY THROAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO KILL YOU.
Jade began to cry.
"how do we getto desre" eridan growled
"Katkat was from there but he no longer is" Gamzee thought
Karkat: SURE WHY NOT. ANYTHING TO MAKE THIS STORY SHORTER.
"jade you need to hide yo kids." eridan said sereusly.
Jake: Pose like a team, mates, for shit has just become real!
Karkat: NO.
Dave: i dont feel like it.
Jake: *cries softly into jacket*
"ok" jade repled
"Gamzee, tarvos and feferi cum with me we need to see a gene named aradia who will tell us how to get there"
"ok" they all said
Karkat: BECAUSE AN ORGY IS REALLY WHAT WE NEED RIGHT NOW. OH GOD WHERE'S SOLLUX WITH THE BRAIN BLEACH WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!
SO WIL ARADIA HELP THEM? WAT IS GUNNA HAPPN TEEHEEE!
Karkat: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN THIS CHAPTER, LET ALONE THE NEXT ONE. HOW MUCH LONGER DOES THIS GO ON FOR?
Dave: two more chapters. though it doesnt technically end yet.
Karkat: WELL FUCK THAT, I NEED A BREAK. NEXT TIME WE'RE GOING TO REVIEW SOMETHING FROM MY FAVORITE SHOW, THE HUMAN VERSION OF "THE 25 EPISODE ANIMATED HAREM COMEDY ABOUT A KLUTZY GUY FROM TROLL JAPAN OBSESSED WITH GETTING INTO TROLL TOKYO UNIVERSITY DUE TO A ILL-CONCEIVED PROMISE HE MADE TO HIS CHILDHOOD FRIEND WHO'S NAME HE CAN'T REMEMBER THAT CONTAINS A LARGE CAST OF QUIRKY FEMALE CHARACTERS INCLUDING A CON ARTIST, A MAD SCIENTIST, A SHY GIRL, AN ILL GIRL WITH A MINIATURE FLYING TURTLE LUSUS, A MASTER SWORDSWOMAN, A GIRL WHO KEEPS PUNCHING HIM INTO THE STRATOSPHERE IN A COMEDIC FASHION, AND THE KUTZY GUY'S SISTER WHO ONLY APPEARS IN THE LAST EPISODE IN CASE A SECOND SEASON GETS MADE, THAT CONTAINS EXACTLY 87 WACKY HIJINKS, AND 228 COMEDIC MISUNDERSTANDINGS BETWEEN THE MAIN ROMANTIC LEADS."
Dave: oh youre talking about love hina.
Karkat: OBVIOUSLY. EXCEPT THAT MORON OF AN AUTHOR HAD THE NERVE TO CROSS SUCH A PERFECT PLOT OVER WITH ALL KINDS OF CRAZY SHIT.
Jake: Golly! That does sound quite unusual.
Karkat: YEAH. IT REALLY HAS TO BE SEEN TO BE BELIEVED.
Pinkie Pie: Hey guys! Is Dave really going to host a party?! ^-^
Karkat: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! DEMON HORSE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Jake: *watches as Karkat jumps out of a nearby window*
Dave: we really need to get him to stop doing that.
Pinkie Pie: ...was it something I said? 0_0
"NO" john moaned and pulled out Demontroll. He put on his hornes and he transformation into Eridan.
Everyone gasped.
"John you look different..." Rose peculiured.
Karkat: THANK YOU FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS. AGAIN. OR IS YOUR MEMORY JUST THAT BAD?
"Sollux. My enemey. Youmust defet me to progess in yor quest"
Dave: sorry i cant hear you. maybe youd say less typos without all those marbles in your mouth.
Sollux smirkes and takes roses rist. she yellped and then Sollux diisapparated and let a bloody note saying 'daddys cuming for you equius'.
Karkat: I AM TRYING MY HARDEST NOT TO MAKE A PEDOPHILIA JOKE. I REALLY AM.
Dave: and the talent agent says to me "what do you call your act???" so i tell him... "the aristocrats".
Karkat: GREAT, NOW WE'VE INSULTED PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY HAVE MONEY. IF SOME KIND OF BRITISH NINJA ASSASSIN SLITS MY THROAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO KILL YOU.
Jade began to cry.
"how do we getto desre" eridan growled
"Katkat was from there but he no longer is" Gamzee thought
Karkat: SURE WHY NOT. ANYTHING TO MAKE THIS STORY SHORTER.
"jade you need to hide yo kids." eridan said sereusly.
Jake: Pose like a team, mates, for shit has just become real!
Karkat: NO.
Dave: i dont feel like it.
Jake: *cries softly into jacket*
"ok" jade repled
"Gamzee, tarvos and feferi cum with me we need to see a gene named aradia who will tell us how to get there"
"ok" they all said
Karkat: BECAUSE AN ORGY IS REALLY WHAT WE NEED RIGHT NOW. OH GOD WHERE'S SOLLUX WITH THE BRAIN BLEACH WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!
SO WIL ARADIA HELP THEM? WAT IS GUNNA HAPPN TEEHEEE!
Karkat: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN THIS CHAPTER, LET ALONE THE NEXT ONE. HOW MUCH LONGER DOES THIS GO ON FOR?
Dave: two more chapters. though it doesnt technically end yet.
Karkat: WELL FUCK THAT, I NEED A BREAK. NEXT TIME WE'RE GOING TO REVIEW SOMETHING FROM MY FAVORITE SHOW, THE HUMAN VERSION OF "THE 25 EPISODE ANIMATED HAREM COMEDY ABOUT A KLUTZY GUY FROM TROLL JAPAN OBSESSED WITH GETTING INTO TROLL TOKYO UNIVERSITY DUE TO A ILL-CONCEIVED PROMISE HE MADE TO HIS CHILDHOOD FRIEND WHO'S NAME HE CAN'T REMEMBER THAT CONTAINS A LARGE CAST OF QUIRKY FEMALE CHARACTERS INCLUDING A CON ARTIST, A MAD SCIENTIST, A SHY GIRL, AN ILL GIRL WITH A MINIATURE FLYING TURTLE LUSUS, A MASTER SWORDSWOMAN, A GIRL WHO KEEPS PUNCHING HIM INTO THE STRATOSPHERE IN A COMEDIC FASHION, AND THE KUTZY GUY'S SISTER WHO ONLY APPEARS IN THE LAST EPISODE IN CASE A SECOND SEASON GETS MADE, THAT CONTAINS EXACTLY 87 WACKY HIJINKS, AND 228 COMEDIC MISUNDERSTANDINGS BETWEEN THE MAIN ROMANTIC LEADS."
Dave: oh youre talking about love hina.
Karkat: OBVIOUSLY. EXCEPT THAT MORON OF AN AUTHOR HAD THE NERVE TO CROSS SUCH A PERFECT PLOT OVER WITH ALL KINDS OF CRAZY SHIT.
Jake: Golly! That does sound quite unusual.
Karkat: YEAH. IT REALLY HAS TO BE SEEN TO BE BELIEVED.
Pinkie Pie: Hey guys! Is Dave really going to host a party?! ^-^
Karkat: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! DEMON HORSE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Jake: *watches as Karkat jumps out of a nearby window*
Dave: we really need to get him to stop doing that.
Pinkie Pie: ...was it something I said? 0_0
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