Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 11

Episode 11

Homestuck High Part 8

Previous

Jake English: Well chaps, it's been quite the month or two, but we've finally reached the end of Homestuck High! I'm sad to say that this story did come to an end before it was completed, the author is still alive apparently as she posted the latest chapter a mere month ago. For now though, this is the end of our voyage.

Karkat Vantas: ABOUT. FUCKING. TIME. I SWEAR, IF I HAVE TO SEE THE WORD "EJACULATE"...

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 10

Episode 10

Homestuck High Part 7

Previous | Next

Warning

This episode contains another badly written sex scene, and is thus Not Safe For Work. If you have been mentally scarred for life by reading this chapter, please form an angry mob and start an "Occupy Wall Street" rally. This will not help your situation in the slightest, but it will keep you off the internet long enough for me to flee the country.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 9

Dave: oaky i recognize the soulcalibur part. its a fighting game series about weaponmasters from all over the world fighting over a pair of magical swords; soulcalibur and soul edge. soul edge is an obviously evil weapon that wants to destroy everything and soulcalibur is supposedly its good counterpart except it turns out in soul caliber 4 and 5 that its also evil or something. i dont really pay much attention to the story but its supposedly more complicated than your typical fighting game (though the story modes of 4 and 5 suck) and the fighting mechanics are universally solid. but whats the rest of the title mean?

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 8

Episode 8

Homestuck High Part 6
Previous | Next

Karkat Vantas: WHY HASN'T THIS ENDED YET?! ARE THERE REALLY ENOUGH TERRIBLE IDEAS IN THE WORLD TO JUSTIFY THREE MORE CHAPTERS OF THIS SHIT?!

Dave Strider: dude. this is the internet. the shit pile doesnt stop from getting taller.

Jake English: Well you know what they say, vantas; one man's trash is another man's-

Karkat: SHUT UP AND LETS GO ALREADY.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 6

Episode 6

Homestuck High Part 5

Previous | Next

Last time, on JEMToSRFTY3k...

Karkat Vantas: ...DID ANY OF THAT STUFF ACTUALLY HAPPEN?

Dave Strider: of course not. the producer just wanted us to have an episode recap thing. its just that nothing of importance actually happened in the last five episodes so i just took a footage from a bunch of final fantasy games and shit.

Jake English: Normally i would complain, but since i am english and this is tangentially related to dr. who i am contractually obligated to not say anything bad about it. So let us move onward to chapter 5!

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 5

Episode 5

Homestuck High Part 4
Previous | Next

Jake: I find that one of the most important skills an author must learn is how to handle his fanbase. On one hand you can't be too active, because then you won't have time to do any more writing. But on the other hand you can't ignore your fans, because then you have no idea how to improve your work. While FanFiction.Net allows instant feedback between authors and readers, many authors prefer answer readers' questions within the chapters themselves, so that nobody misses them. Let's see how this author does handles her fanbase:


to the people asking if im a troll no i am not i wuld rly like 2 bee one tho since the homestuck ones are cool!

Jake: Very clever, the author here is making light of slanderous comments against her work by feigning ignorance of the multiple definitions of the word "Troll".

Karkat: HAS IT EVER OCCURED TO YOU THAT MAYBE THE AUTHOR REALLY IS THAT IGNORANT?

Jake: Pish-posh! This author's work is far too refined for her to be an ignoramus!

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 4

Warning: This episode is NSFW. While I will do my best to keep my jokes tasteful, the actual fic contains references to rape, gore, cannibalism, and extreme violence. If any of this offends you, please do not read further.

It goes without saying that I do not support any of these practices, and personally think the person responsible for writing this fic REALLY needs to see a psychiatrist even if he was just joking. Those thoughts ain't normal, man.

Episode 4

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Karkat Vantas: ...WE HAVEN'T EVEN BEGUN THE STORY AND I'M ALREADY LOST. WHAT THE HELL AM I LOOKING AT?

Jake English: This my dear boy, is HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. It is a contemporary neo-suburban countercultural surrealist work emulating the dadaist movement of the early to mid 20th century by using the harry potter franchise as a vhehical for wanton violence and debauchery.

Karkat: IN ENGLISH PLEASE.

Dave Srider: he means its a shitty story thats somehow art i guess. have you read harry potter?

Karkat: HELL NO.

Dave: good because it pretty much has nothing to do with the books. its kind of like my immortal from one of those bizzario worlds where all the dudes are chicks and vice versa so that instead of hot topic and linken park the author is obsessed with groinsaws and rape puns. its supposed to be dumb immature and oh so hilarious.

Jake: Not to mention that it's an excellent satire that exaggerates the trend of increasing levels of violence in the media to it's logical conclusion!

Dave: yeah that too.

Karkat: AND YOU THINK I'LL LIKE THIS.

Jake: Indubitably! In fact, i wouldn't be surprised if this story was written by a kindred spirit!

Karkat: ...I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 3

Episode 3

Homestuck High Part 3

Previous | Next

Quick word of warning: This episode is NSFW. And really really stupid, but you kinda knew that already.

Jake English: Well vantas, i think you’ll be happy to hear that this chapter signals an end to the slice-of-life drama that made up the story’s first act.


Dave Strider: yeah. this is where things go from stupid to batshit insane.


Karkat Vantas: I’VE ALREADY BEEN TURNED INTO TAVROS. AT THIS POINT I’VE LEARNED TO STOP SETTING EXPECTATIONS BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW STUPID THINGS THE IDIOT WRITING THIS THING IS JUST GOING TO FIND A WAY TO TOP HIMSELF. 


Dave: thats probably a good idea.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000 Episode 2

Episode 2

Homestuck High Part 2

Previous | Next

Karkat Vantas: -UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Dave Strider: dude. you seriously need to calm down.

Jake English: I quite agree. While your voluminous lungh capacity is quite impressive, your reaction is way out of line.

Jake English's Mysterious Theater of Scientific Romance from the Year 3000

I feel like doing something a little out of the ordinary today, so I decided to write something where I pretend that fictional characters are making fun of bad fanfiction.

Allow me to present...

Episode 1 

Homestuck High Part 1

Previous | Next

JAKE ENGLISH: Good evening chaps! *smokes a bubble pipe* I consider myself quite the connoisseur when it comes to motion pictures. But one of the few things i enjoy more than a rousing weekend at bernies is a good romp down the worldwide interweb in search of new works of fan fiction. Unfortunately not everyone shares these opinions. Most in fact would refer to such works as "cheapside drivel" "a disgrace to penny dreadfuls" or even "unpublishable bullshit". To a regular reader of fan published work this is quite bamboozing as the stuff i have read has been nothing but top quality entertainment! Since i hate to see one of my hobbies unjustly slandered i have made it my duty to enlighten the uninformed public about the wonders of fan fiction! And what else should we start with but my favorite work in the whole goddamn world? "homestuck high" (as the folks call it) is a ripsnorting tale seeped in the supernatural, and based on the world famous internet graphic novel known as Homestuck (which i might add i am a character in). Now without further ado let us dive into this literary masterpiece and 

KARKAT VANTAS: OH HELL NO! HELL! FUCKING! NO!

JAKE: Oh, Vantas. *rolls eyes* Are you here to pester me with another one of your cockamamie rantings? Perhaps to persuade me that this story is a pile of rubbish?

KARKAT: HOW CAN YOU THINK OF THAT MISRIBLE PILE OF LAMINATED THINKPAN EXCREMENT AS ANYTHING BUT AN ABOMINATION OF THE WRITTEN WORD?

JAKE: Tut tut, don't be so dismissive. It's like that old saying "you cant' judge a book by it's cover" except the other way around.

KARKAT: YEAH. YOU TOTALLY SOLD ME RIGHT THERE WITH THAT WITTY RHETORIC OF YOURS.