Big Daddy: *STOMP* *STOMP* *STOMP* *STOMP*
Wolf O'Donnel: Okay, Daddy B. I think this asshole has had enough stomping.
Big Daddy: ...
Wolf O'Donnel: Yeah, you said it. That guy was one hell of a loser! Come on, let's get milkshakes and kickflips off the half-pipe!
Big Daddy: ...
*Wolf and Big Daddy Leave*
Halloweenie: Hmmm? What is THIS? Oh boy, an DEAD BODY! Now I can use the NECRONOMICON EX MORTIS, and start my own zombie army to get revenge on Jake England and those other guys for putting me in such HUMILIATING cameoes!
*Troll Phelous D1 Comes back to Life*
Troll Phelous D1: Did you say Jake English?
Halloweenie: WAAH! I thought you were dead!
Troll Phelous D1: I was, but I got better... because reasons. Now, here's what we're going to do...
=======
MEANWHILE, AT THE HALLOWEEN PARTY
=======
Karkat: ANOTHER DETOUR!? REALLY?!
Jake: Hey, halloween parties are important! And besides, we wouldn't want to let the costumes I made go to waste!
Karkat: YEAH ABOUT THAT. WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE, ANYWAY? FRENCH PIRATES?
Dave: we're supposed to be the three musketeers. you know d'atargan athos raphael and green arrow. or something. i dunno i didnt read the book.
Pinkie Pie: Hey look! Free candy! OM NOM NOM NOM- ^[-]^
Jade Harley: hey guys! glad you could make it! :)
Jake: Nice anime girl costume!
Jade: Thanks! I'm supposed to be Mami from this show called "Madoka Magica". I haven't seen more than the first two episodes, but so far she's my favorite!
Dave: hope you dont lose your head over the costume.
Jade: I beg your pardon?
Dave: nevermind. forget i said anything.
Jade: John is over there, dressed like Judge Dredd, along with Sollux, who's you can see has died his hair for the occasion and is wearing D.J. Pon-3 shades.
Sollux: ii'm toally not a broney, by the way. ii ju2t diig the look.
John: i knew you'd say that.
Jade: rose, janaya and roxy just arrived via boom tube, though porrim stayed behind on apokolips to make sure they had a way back.
Kanaya: Next Year I'm Not Letting Lant Make My Costume. His Tastes Are Too... Obscure.
Roxy: aww comeon you make a GREAT batwoman. *hic* and rose makes a great police detective lady or whatever. i mean im supposed to be someone named flamebird and i dont even know who that is.
Jade: aaaand you can find vriska over there in the drow costume in the white wig. and theres tavros in the wheelchair in a suit and brown for some reason. I think he's supposed to be from a movie but I can't remember what.
Eridan: this year im not going to be fooled i dressed in alternating layers all wweek just in case i wwandered into a costume party by accident but it wwas wworth it just to thwwart you once and for all!
Vriska: Oh yeah. You cerrrrrrrrtenly made a fool out of me.
Tavros: wHERE DID YOU EVEN GET A FAIRY COSTUME THAT FIT,
Eridan: look it wwas on sale okay
Jade: oh and look! there's nepeta and meulin! they agreed to go with me kyubey and something named charlotte. Hey guys!
Nepeta Lejoin: :33< *smiles and waves!*
Meulin: \(=^..^)/
Jade: and now that the gang's all here, we're going to have the best halloween party ever! :)
Karkat: NOOOOOO! DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT! WHENEVER YOU DO THAT-
Halloweenie: FOOLISH EUKARYOTIC BEINGS! HALLOWEENIE HAS RETURNED!
Karkat: ...THIS KIND OF SHIT HAPPENS.
Rose: Who invited these losers?
Troll Phelous D1: Oh I'm sure you can make room for ONE LAST FRIEND! MWA HA HA HA!
Jake: ...I'm pretty sure you're not our friend. In fact I'm pretty sure you're the complete opposite of one.
Troll Phelous D1: No see, I ironic and- look nevermind. Haloweenie! Unleash the GRAND MASTER PLAN!
Halloweenie: Yes! HALLOWEENIE'S GRAND MASTER PLAN TO DESTROY YOUR HEARTS, MINDS AND SOULS IS TO... MAKE YOU READ THIS AWFUL FANFICTION!
Karkat: *facepalm*
Jake: "Gears of potter"? What's this one about?
Dave: its a crossover and its about gears of war and harry potter. the end.
Alfred: I think this deserves a bit more detail. "Gears of War" is a gritty, third-person-shooter series that codified the idea of the "cover shooter", and is arguably the genre's best example of said subgenre. The series follows Marcus Fenix, a soldier for the Coalition of Ordered Governments (or C.O.G.), as well as his friend Dominic Santiago as they fight for humanity's survival on the planet Sera against a subterranean enemy known as the Locust Horde. Other than that, I don't really know the story other than that, but I doubt you'll need to know the lore of the setting to comprehend this story.
Jake: And of course we all know about Harry Potter, so I suppose we should get started on this story, eh wot?
------------
Chapter 1: The really terrible happening!
Dave: i guess someone has it out for m. night shyamalan.
Pinkie: ZING!
It was a really really happy morning indeed! Marcus Fenix was eating his wonderful breakfast at his dinning table with his bestest friend in the world; Dominic Santiago. Dominic did not actually like begin with Marcus and wanted to be out there and fight the locust, but he was really tired after having killed over 10.000 locust soldiers in a massive battle the day before, and be also broke his battle axe when he attempted to cut a locust commander in two and the blade got stuck in the locust commanders skull before braking away from the handle. Richard Prescott was not pleased, and ordered Dominic to take the day off to prevent him from going insane with rage and harming himself and others.
So instead of killing deh locust for some lulz, Dominic was stuck eating breakfast with Marcus. Dominic sat there quietly for a while, but then he asked Marcus if he had any good stuff to eat for there breakfast.
NO!.....Marcus yelled! I DON'T HAVE ANY FOOD!!! THE ARMY TAKES ALL OF THAT SHIT AWAY SO I DON'T HAVE ANY!!!!!!.......Marcus yelled of the top of his extra manly lungs.
Karkat: THANK YOU, CAPTAIN CAPSLOCK
But what will we eat then? Dominic asked Marcus extremely passionately....
This unexpected question made Marcus scratch his head really hard, so hard in fact that it actually started to bleed and Dominic felt really sorry for him because he knew that begin a dedicated father and looking for food was really hard and even though Marcus had no family he still had to look for food to feed himself with and to feed Dominic and that made Dominic feel really sorry for him because he know that it wasn't easy.
But what will we eat then? Dominic asked Marcus extremely passionately....
This unexpected question made Marcus scratch his head really hard, so hard in fact that it actually started to bleed and Dominic felt really sorry for him because he knew that begin a dedicated father and looking for food was really hard and even though Marcus had no family he still had to look for food to feed himself with and to feed Dominic and that made Dominic feel really sorry for him because he know that it wasn't easy.
After a while, Marcus found a solution to the food problem by throwing dead locust soldiers that were all round his house into his old woodchipper that he keeps in his garage to create locust beef.
Alfred: Just remember the 3 C's of locust disposal; cremate, compost, or cannibalize.
Tavros: uHH, I DON'T THINK IT'S TECHNICALLY CANNIBALISM IF THEY AREN'T THE SAME SPECIES,
Alfred: Yeah, well, the joke wouldn't work otherwise.
Marcus and Dominic then spend the rest of the afternoon eating locust beef and watching TV.
Pinkie: POWERHOUSE EXCITEMENT! ^_^
But after a while they were tired of eating beef and watching TV and felt like doing something else, but just as they were about to leave something interrupts the TV broadcast!
It was Queen Myrrah of the locust herself!
OH NOES!.....Marcus and Dominic screamed of the top of there extremely manly lungs!
Myrrah remained silent for a few terrible moments, but then stared to talk in the loudest and most brutal manner possible: EARTHLINGS! PREPARE TO FACE THE DOOM THAT IS SO HORRIBLE THAT NO OTHER DOOM YOU HAVE FACED BEFORE WILL EVER BE AS DOOMLY AS THIS HORRIBLE DOOM I AM ABOUT TO THROW AT YOU TO SEND YOU TO YOUR REALLY TERRIBLE DOOM OF ALL DOOMS!!!!!
Pinkie:
OH NOES!.....Marcus and Dominic screamed of the top of there extremely manly lungs!
The broadcast left Marcus and Dominic so utterly stunned and traumatized that they stood there for whole 3 days before begin able to move there mouths again and it was very good for them as well since they would have died from starvation had they stood there for to much time.
Rose: I feel so much safer knowing that these brave men are tirelessly protecting us from the Locust hordes.
But then a loud and a terribly voice was heard outside there house.......
Dave: it was a one direction/nickleback/pitbull/another musical artist or group that is easy to mock concert.
(In a very ghostly voice) MAAAAAARCUUUUUUS FEEEEEEEENIIIIIIIIIXXXXXX....I AM THE TERRIBLE MONSTER OF ALL DOOMS! COME AND FACE ME NOW SO THAT WE MAY FIGHT AND BE HAPPY!
Once Marcus heard this fapworthy invitation his balls dropped to the floor with joy as he ran screaming towards the exit door;
Karkat: THANKS FOR MAKING ME IMAGINE HIM TRIPPING OVER HIS OWN TESTICLES.
AT LAST I WILL BE ABLE TO TEAR SOME ASS OUT OF THE LOCUST YET AGAIN!!!!!!
Opal: Print("That sounds very inefficient.")
But Dominic was not pleased, as he was on the bathroom and wanted to take a leek but could not do so even though he was trying very hard plus he bladder was damaged during the clone wars making it extra hard for him to do as he pleased.
But Dominic was not pleased, as he was on the bathroom and wanted to take a leek but could not do so even though he was trying very hard plus he bladder was damaged during the clone wars making it extra hard for him to do as he pleased.
Terezi: TOO MUCH 1NFORM4T1ON
And thus Marcus had to confront the evil Locust Ghost all alone armed with nothing but his massive mountain sized muscles and all the attitude the world had to offer at the time.
And thus Marcus had to confront the evil Locust Ghost all alone armed with nothing but his massive mountain sized muscles and all the attitude the world had to offer at the time.
Lant: Which wasn't all that much, given how the world used it all up back in the 90's.
(In a very ghostly voice) MAAAAAARCUUUUUUS.....I AM THE TERRIBLE LOCUST GHOST! THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO HARM ME OR THE OTHER LOCUST GHOST BECAUSE WE ARE LOCUST GHOST AND WE CAN'T BE HARMED SINCE YOUR BULLETS WOULD JUST GO THROUGH US SINCE WE ARE LOCUST GHOST! SURRENDER NOW AND WE WON'T EAT BRAINS!!!!!!
(In a very ghostly voice) MAAAAAARCUUUUUUS.....I AM THE TERRIBLE LOCUST GHOST! THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO HARM ME OR THE OTHER LOCUST GHOST BECAUSE WE ARE LOCUST GHOST AND WE CAN'T BE HARMED SINCE YOUR BULLETS WOULD JUST GO THROUGH US SINCE WE ARE LOCUST GHOST! SURRENDER NOW AND WE WON'T EAT BRAINS!!!!!!
Eridan: thats zombies you idiot
HOLY FECES ON JESUS!......Marcus yelled at the top of his extremely manly lungs after begin stunned utterly by the terrifying appearance of the terrible locust ghost monster.
But just as Marcus was about to give up all hope Dominic rushed through the door and shot the locust ghost in the head with a massive gun that he always hides on him in case he needs one and he almost always does to insure that Jesus stays happy.
(In a very ghostly voice)....AAAAAAARGGHHHHH! HE SHOT ME IN THE HEAD WITH A MASSIVE GUN! MY ONLY WEAKNESS!
HOLY FECES ON JESUS!......Marcus yelled at the top of his extremely manly lungs after begin stunned utterly by the terrifying appearance of the terrible locust ghost monster.
But just as Marcus was about to give up all hope Dominic rushed through the door and shot the locust ghost in the head with a massive gun that he always hides on him in case he needs one and he almost always does to insure that Jesus stays happy.
(In a very ghostly voice)....AAAAAAARGGHHHHH! HE SHOT ME IN THE HEAD WITH A MASSIVE GUN! MY ONLY WEAKNESS!
Vriska: I mean what are the odds that someone would come up with such an insane plan of attack? Shooting a monster with guns? It's inconceiva8le!
Then the terrible locust ghost started to bleed horrifically through his forehead until his river of blood had spread across the whole world causing the flowers to grow and forests to thrive at a 20x better rate then usual.
Then the terrible locust ghost started to bleed horrifically through his forehead until his river of blood had spread across the whole world causing the flowers to grow and forests to thrive at a 20x better rate then usual.
John: henceforth, the gears of war series will be referred to as "happytown".
But after a while there was no more blood left in the terrible locust ghost
Lant: Not that there should have been any in the first place, what with being a ghost and all.
and then he started to glow extremely much causing Dominic to go blind on his left eye before he was hurled into the air at super fast speed and into space
Pinkie: SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE! ^0^
where he exploded with the power of a thousand atom bombs making Jesus and the whole world a happy place to be happy!
But then as Marcus and Dominic were about to scream in joy a new dark figure suddenly entered the scene.....
He was wearing a black coat.....and sort of looked like some sort of a zombie-fish hybrid....
But then as Marcus and Dominic were about to scream in joy a new dark figure suddenly entered the scene.....
He was wearing a black coat.....and sort of looked like some sort of a zombie-fish hybrid....
Pinkie: Oh my god the deep ones have started their invasion! Quick, let's sacrifice a goat to appease Cthulhu!
Rose: Actually, there are three deities worshiped by the Deep Ones, and Cthulhu is only one of them...
Pinkie: Cthulhu fhtagn!
The dark figure then said: Greetings gentlemen! My name is Voldemort....
Opal: Play("Dramatic_Look");
To be continued.....
Chapter 2: The old ugly man!
And WHO the HELL are YOU!....Marcus said to Voldemort in a highly loud manner.
I am the darkest of dark people! I am so dark that people forget about the existence of the VERY sun when they so much as hear my name!
Sollux: ii beliieve that'2 a biit of an exaggeratiion.
SO FEAR ME YOU PATHETIC LITTLE PARASITES! OR ELSE I WILL USE MEGIC AND MAKE YOU FEEL ALL DIZZY INSIDE OUT!.....Voldemort yelled at the top of his extremely evil lungs.
Roxy: oh yeah thatll scareem all rite.
*right
*right
Lant: Then again, given how a crazy woman ranting on TV froze them for three days straight, that might not be a bad idea.
Marcus was not pleased with Voldemorts threats, and thus he ate his shoes and sawed of his left little finger as a warning.
Marcus was not pleased with Voldemorts threats, and thus he ate his shoes and sawed of his left little finger as a warning.
IMAGINE THIS SHOES IS YOUR HEAD!!! LEAVE BEFORE ME FEAST ON YOUR HEADS!!!!!!!........Marcus yelled at the top of his extremely manly lungs while feasting on shoes.
Dave: that'll teach him.
Jade: but why did he cut off his pinkie? :?
Dave: i guess he was still kind of hungry.
But Voldemort was neither scared nor scarred by Marcuses shoe eating, and started to utter bizarre and utterly visually stunning wizard spells that only the bestest of evil wizards ever can dream off.
Dave: i guess he was still kind of hungry.
But Voldemort was neither scared nor scarred by Marcuses shoe eating, and started to utter bizarre and utterly visually stunning wizard spells that only the bestest of evil wizards ever can dream off.
While screaming the spell, Voldemort started to levitate and rotate and glow really red while looking very evil, Marcus and Dominic were utterly stunned yet again.
ME MUST DO SOMETHING BEFORE WIZZARD GOES ALL TRIPPY, BUT ME HAS NO MORE SHOES AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO KILL WIZZARD!
Rose: I mean if we had more shoes perhaps we could stand a chance, but as it stands victory appears to be very unlikely.
.......Marcus yelled at the top of his extremely manly lungs.
Karkat: FINALLY, A TIME WHERE YELLING IS ACTUALLY APPROPRIATE.
But just as all appeared lost yet again, Voldemort explodded into flame and dropped really dead to the ground where he was more dead then he had ever been before. Marcus and Dominic could not grasp what had happened yet but they soon discovered that Voldemort had died from spontaneous combustion as a result of extreme smoking,
Opal: Play("Science")
but that is a story to be told from another day!
Once Boldemort was dead, Marcus took his ashes from the ground with a shovel and put them in a box and stored them in his backpack for later eating,
Eridan: ew
and then the two fellows decided to head into town to look for more locust ghosts.
After a staggering good whole they encountered an old man that was rolling around in a pile of his own puke while screaming fanatically about Michael Bay's latest blockbuster movie in front of a movie theater.
Dave: which is really how most people react to michael bay movies. except for the rock. that one was pretty cool.
Marcus and Dominic can't believe there very own ears, and Marcus approaches the old man with extreme caution in a way only the most cautious of cautious super soldiers can even begin to understand.
Whacha doing there papa?.........lol!......I thought you were like extremely dead after you were sucked into the sun during the last war after you were hit by a star destroyer trying to eat you space ship and shit
Jake: This of course is what we call "woldbuilding", hinting at events that occur only in the backstory.
Electra: Of course most of the time the backstory isn't nearly this stupid.
.....Marcus did not yell but merely asked....with his extremely manly lungs.
YES! I thought that as well, but the sun god allowed me to live so NOW I am stuck hare!......the old man replied extremely eagerly.
Dirk: That must have been a weird week. Oh by the way sorry I'm late to the party.
Dave: dont worry. its cool.
WAIT A MINUTE! YOU are HIS FATHER!!!......Dominic asked Marcus utterly stunned by what he had just heard and witnessed!
YES! IT IS TRUE!!!!.......Marcus yelled at the top of his extremely manly lungs!
Karkat: OKAY WE GET IT THEY'RE MANLY. CAN WE MOVE ON?
But WHY did you NEVER say ANYTHING about HIM BEFORE!.......Dominic replied eagerly!
Because I thought he was dead and dead people not important......Marcus said with a bitter and yet a sexy voice.
Karkat: THAT'S NOT ANY BETTER.
Yes they ARE! EVEN dead people are important every now and then if they truly mattarh to yah!
Nepeta: :33> Never forget!
STOP CRYING YOU CRAZY POOPHEADS!
Jake: Watch your language there, old-timer!
I want to make up for the lost time with my son by going with him on his quest to kill and destroy the locust horde once and for all and end this madness that is making things bad for everybody even the ugly stupid people who never had anything to live for anyways.....Papa said eagerly with his extremely old lungs.
OK! But first me must get to Doom city where I KNOW the locust MUST be hiding!.....Marcus said with his extremely manly lungs.
Dirk: Not to mention it's a 12.0 on the 10.0 scale of badness.
But HOW! Doom City is over 500 miles away!.....Dominic said while sobbing bitterly.
HAH! I know HOW to SOLVE THAT!.....Marcus yelled at the top of his extremely manly lungs. And then Marcus took out the box from his backpack that had Voldemort's ashes in it and ate them and it gave him extreme superpowers of very high power and then Dominic and Papa both sat down on Marcus's shoulders who were now the size of cannon and flew away at super high speed towards Doom City!
Tavros: uHHHHHHHHHH...
Vriska: A wizard did it! 8888)
.....To be continued!
Chapter 3: The City of terrible Doom of all terrible Dooms!
Pinkie: Can I sing the doom song again? ^_^
Karkat: NO.
After flying through the air and the sky at super fast speed for 37 hours, Marcus Fenix and his friends finally make it to Doom City in piece and without begin dead (and that is a good thing because if they were dead then they would not be able to continue there journey).
Dave: at least not without becoming zombies or something.
Shit guys!........I wander how we are suppose to find all of the terrible locust ghosts monsters now that we are here in Doom City.....Marcus yelled of the top of his extremely manly lungs.
Meulin:
I don't know, perhaps we can stand still and stare at the sky and wait for GOD TO GUIDE US!......Dominic yelled at the top of his extremely manly lungs.
Lant: Sure, why not. It's not like we didn't already have one Deus Ex Machina.
That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard in the history of stupidist things of all time......Marcus yelled at the top of his extremely manly lungs.
Karkat: *GROAN*
SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU DON'T KNOW MEEEEE! JUST LET ME DO MY JOB BEFORE I SHUB MY FIST UP YOUR ASS AND TEAR OUT YOUR BRAIN!.....Dominic screamed like Satan himself of the top of his extremely manly lungs
Karkat: GRRRR.
while begin super upset at Marcus.
Do YOU honestly THINK that YOU can GO and take on someone LIKE MEEEEEE???????.........Marcus yelled on top his extremely manly lungs.
Karkat: ARRARRARARARG.
But just as Marcus and Dominic were about to treat each other new assholes
John: whatever that means.
dark lord Voldemort teleported in front of them again and started to fly around them very fast like an angry ghost even though he was still very much alive and definitely not dead.
(In a very dark voice)You thought I was dead did you not?
Dave: given that you kinda burst into flames id say yeah.
I am afraid you were mistaken, after I exploded into flame and blew up my soul escaped the ashes before you eat them and flew to a nearby Wizard Town where I was brought back to finish the job!
Eridan: um no resurrection doesnt wwork that wway in harry potter vvoldemort only came back once because he wwasnt technically dead not that id knoww because i dont read the books because theyre stupid
But I am afraid you are out of luck now! You may have eaten me in your home, but now we are in Doom City and you know what they say about Doom City: In Doom City.....Wizard eat YOU!
Jake: Of course! Doom city is part of post-apocalyptic russia!
Pinkie: ^_^
That is NEVER going to happen! Not while I come armed with level 60+ monsters and 999999 healing potions!.....Dominic yelled at the top of his extremely manly lungs!
John: joke's on you! now the wow level cap is 90!
What in the F**** gods name are talking about? Can't you just use your huge gun of pawnage?....Marcus said utterly stunned by what he just heard.
That ISN'T going to work you ASSBAG! Pokémon's don't know how to use guns!
Dave: oh. i guess this is now a pokemon crossover. i think.
......Or at least not to my knowledge.....Dominic yelled of the top of his extremely manly lungs.
Karkat: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
STOP CRYING YOU FOOL! Soon I will control the power of Satan's eye! AND THEN NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM TAKING OVER DEH WORLD!!!!!
Pinkie: Dang it, I'm all out of video clips! 0_0
Opal: Print("Me too. Meulin, do you have any you can spare?")
Meulin:
Opal: Print("Thank you. That will do quite nicely.")
....Voldemort yelled at the top of his extremely evil lungs!
But you never said anything about Satan's eye when you last attacked us? Why the hell are you bringing this up now? In fact why are you even attacking us for that matter? We don't have Satan's eye, or any of his body parts for that matter!.......Said Marcus's father full of utter surprise.
John: oh. i guess i'll just stop attacking you then.
Alfred: And so, the manly men and Voldemort parted ways. The end.
GEARS OF POTTER: GEAR HARDER
WRITTEN BY DR. SPLATTENBURGER
BASED ON AN ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY BY ROB LIEFELD.
DOMINIC EVENTUALLY WENT ON TO CURE CANCER.
MARCUS IS NOW A WORLD CHAMPION BODYBUILDER AND THE PRESIDENT OF THE NEW CALIFORNIA REPUBLIC
VOLDEMORT EVENTUALLY FOUND SATAN'S EYE AND BECAME THE LORD OF ALL EVIL, AND REMAINED SO UNTIL HE WAS RUN OVER BY A DRUNK DRIVER IN 2009. NOBODY CAME TO HIS FUNERAL BECAUSE HE WAS AN ASSHOLE.
What the F**** does that matter? So long AS I CAN KILL ME SOME WEAT!.......Marcus yelled of the top of his extremely manly lungs!
Lant: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
I think you mean "so that I can kill me some meat".....Marcus's father said to Marcus full of contempt.
Lant: Okay, admittedly that DOES help...
Oh! So you think you know everything now don't ya bitch! Just cus I could not spell weat correctly that doesn't mean you should correct me all the stinken time you WORTHLESS piece of HAGGIS!....Marcus said to his father filled with extreme amounts of rage.
Electra: Comparing this fanfic to a peasant food like haggis is an insult to peasants everywhere.
Marcus's father: But this is the first time I have ever.......(is suddenly interrupted by Marcus) SHUP UP! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WUT YOU GOT TO SAY ANYMORE! YOU HAVEN'T EVEN BOTHERED TO TELL US YOUR NAME YET! SO I WILL JUST GIVE YOU ONE! FROM NOW ONE YOUR NAME IS TALKING CANCER! CUS THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE! A TALKING F**** CANCER!.....Marcus yelled at the top of his extremely manly lungs.
Rose: Now that was just uncalled for.
Dominic: Uhm.....I really don't think you should talk to your father like tha(is suddenly interrupted by Marcus) CANCER!!!!!
(complete and utter silence)
ENOUGH OF THIS!.....Voldemort yelled of the top of his extremely evil lungs! Give me Satan's eye or else I will use my extremely evil dark magic to turn you all INTO PUDDING!
...........AND THEN EAT THE PUDDING!
.........AND THEN PROCESS YOU AT THE NEAREST LOCAL GAS STATION!
..............IN CASE YOU DON'T GET IT I AM TALKING ABOUT TAKING A BIF FAT JUCY DUMP!......Voldemort yelled of the top of his extremely evil lungs.
Terezi: ONC3 4G41N TOO MUCH 1NFORM4T1ON
(In a very high pitched voice) NOT SO FAST VOLDEMORT!!!!!!......Yelled a small mysterious creature behind Voldemort!
Deh Dark Lord of the Voldemort slowly turned his head around (but not too much cus then his neck would have broken and Game Over) and saw just WHO had YELLED AT HIM!
No......IT JUST CAN'T BE! IT ISN'T POSSIBLE!!!!.....IT'S HARRY F**** POTTER!!!....Voldemort yelled at the top of his extremely evil lungs.
Jake: And so the title character finally makes his dramatic entrance!
To be continued.......
Chapter 4: Harry is a stinken Wizard!
OH YES! Its' MEEEEEEEE!!!!......Harry yelled like a castrated squirrel.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!.....Voldemort yelled at the top of his extremely evil lungs.
Karkat: "I HATE THIS STORY" KARKAT SOBBED FROM HIS EXTREMELY ANGRY THROAT.
Now that I am here I will summon a demon to battle your evil wickedness of Doom and Destruction! Behold as I summon the Crackmaster Swordfish zombie Demon!
Dave: Stop laughing guys, this is a really serious evil thing that I didn't just make up!
(starts to talk in a spelly way to summon demon) SLKJHKGJSÆASJKDJKLGSAJGWJG and Akadadabra!....Harry yelled like a castrated squirrel
Karkat: WHICH I AM ASHAMED TO NOTE HAS NOW BECOME A THING.
with all the might that the universe had to offer over at the time.
And just as Harry had finished the spell, a giant hole formed in the sky and in space and a giant monster that had the body of a zombie but the head of a swordfish but also the wings of a demon as well as lobster claws for hand entered the space of land that Voldemort was located near by.
Opal: Print("I'll say this much; given the name it wasn't all that different from how I pictured it.")
EVIL CRACKMASTER ZOMBIE DEMON SWORDFISH LOBSTER MONSTER! I COMMAND YOU TO TAKE VOLDEMORT TO HELL WHERE HE BELONGS SO THAT HE MAY NEVER BOTHER US AGAIN!!!!!!......Harry yelled almost as if his life depended on it.
(In a very swordfishy voice) Yeeeeeeessss maaaasteeeeer! I will take him to hell where he will suffer forever just like his grandpa!
Jake: Continuity nod! Which is kind of a spoiler, actually. Hmm.
....The evil creature with swordfish for head said to Potter in a very swordfishy way.
Eridan: advverbs dont wwork that wway
NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! YOU WOULD NOT SEND ANYONE TO HELL WOULD YOU HARRY? NOT EVEN I WOULD DO THAT!
Dave: i mean genociding mudbloods i can understand. but sending one guy who clearly deserved it to hell? youve gone too far potter.
HAVE MERCY ON MY EVIL TWISTED SICK PERVERTED DISGUSTING LITTLE PATHETIC LITTLE EXCUSE OF A SOUL!!!!!!.....Voldemort yelled of the top of his extremely evil lungs.
Oh! But I am EXACTLY that cruel!
Lant: Which is not very cruel at all, actually. I mean you're kinda going there anyway when you die.
Now you will die and burn! DIE AND F***** BURN!........Harry yelled of the top of his extremely evil lungs despite while still sounding like a castrated squirrel.
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!.....Voldemort yelled as a giant fire pit formed in the ground beneath him before the Zombie lobster monster dragged Voldemort down into the freshly created hell hole and deep into the darkest depths of hell.
HOLY MOTHERF******........Marcus, Dominic and Marcus's father yelled all at the same time as a result of the extreme trauma that they had been subject too after watching the show of absolute horror that Harry had been responsible for when he sent Voldemort to hell.
Rose: Once again proving themselves to be completely useless.
Pinkie: They're the best! ^_^
Who.........WHAT THE F**** ARE YOU????.......Marcus yelled at Harry at the top of his extremely manly lungs.
Like sugar and spice and all of its lice......
I am the protector of justice and all that is nice!
I am.......HARRY POTTER DEH WIZZARD!......Harry potter yelled at Marcus like a castrated squirrel while taking a heroic pose in the moonlight.
Jade: In the name of the lightning bolt, I will punish you!
Have you any idea why that evil magician was attacking us? He said something about wanting "Satan's eye" or some shit like that.....Marcus's father asked Harry.
So YOU HAVE IT? I have been trying to prevent Voldemort from acquiring it for years! But first allow me to explain. It all begun roughly 10 million years ago when mankind was a fresh species and monkeys had not become too stupid to compete with humans yet. Their was a caveman called John Addams, but it wasn't the same John Addams that helped the Americans defeat the British during World war 1 in case that is what you were thinking. Lol.
Sollux: becau2e we clearly care about hii2toriical accuracy.
Tavros: iSN'T THIS SERIES SUPPOSED TO TAKE PLACE ON ANOTHER PLANET,
Anyways, one day John was watching his children play soccer
Alfred: Which hadn't been invented yet, but whatever.
and was having a great time doing so since he enjoyed watching his children play with each other. But just as one of his children were about to score a goal a T-Rex appeared and ate his youngest son.
Karkat: BECAUSE WE CLEARLY CARE ABOUT HISTORICAL ACCURACY.
John was utterly devastated because if it had not been for the fact that his son got eaten by the dinosaur then his team would have won, and thus he swore to get his revenge on the T-Rex. But their was a problem.......John was only a mere man, and the T-Rex was a F**** T-REX!
And thus John went to the local sorcerer and asked him for a poison that would allowed him to kill the T-Rex that ate his son. The sorcerer then said that he was actually Satan,
Dirk: You really have to appreciate The Devil's honesty here.
and that he was willing to grand Adams extreme magical powers if he sold his soul. Johan Addams agreed, and Satan gave him super strength and said that he would get the rest of his power only if he could kill the T-Rex. John Addams then went looking for the T-Rex and found it near a large cave. Once the T-Rex saw John Addams he jumped into the T-Rex's mouth and allowed it to swallow him, after John was inside the T-Rex he used his super strength to tear the heart out of the T-Rex and was about to tear his way out of it but then something unexpected happened......A giant lighting struck the T-Rex as well as John Addams and the two were merged together!
Kanaya: Because That's Clearly How Lightning Works
After Satan saw what happened, he told John that from now on they would be one!.....Harry explained like a castrated squirrel.
WAIT A SECOND! Are YOU telling us that Voldemort is looking for a 10 million year old caveman-dinosaur hybrid because it has supernatural powers?........Marcus asked Harry with his extremely manly lungs.
No Marcus..........Voldemort IS the dinosaur/caveman.........Harry said like a castrated squirrel.
Dave: no voldemort you are the dinosuars. and then voldemort was a t-rex.
To be continued.......
Jake: Sadly, that's all that seems to be available. If the story continues after this, we lack the means to aquire copies of the original.
Karkat: AND THANK GOD. I DON'T THINK I COULD TAKE ANOTHER MOMENT OF THIS...
Dave: what are you kidding? that shit was hilarious.
Rose: I agree. As far as badfics go, that was pretty entertaining.
Kanaya: It Was Droll But Self Aware And Above All It Loved To Revel In Its Own Ridiculousness. It Was Refreshingly Honest.
Alfred: It's not quite as insane as Thirty Hs, but it's much more comprehensible, as well as much more faithful to the source material (at least insofar as a parody like this can be).
Halloweenie: DAMN IT, PHELOUS D-STUPID... MORON GUY! THIS IS THE STUPIDEST PLAN EVER!
Troll Phelous D1: Well I guess it's time for Plan B: we just summon something out the Necronomicon Ex Mortis and hopes it eats them.
Halloweenie: GREAT idea! I'm glad I thought of it!
Jake: Oh yeah? Well you're not the only one with a magic summoning book! Behold; the Telonecronomicon, the Phone Book of the Dead!
Electra: Me first! *seizes the book*.
Troll Phelous D1: I summon the lord of vampires, Dracula!
Electra: I summon Arcueid Brunestud, the True Ancestor!
Halloweenie: I summon the STUPID BITCH- I mean WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST!
Alfred: I summon Oktavia Von Seckendorff, the Witch of Love!
Troll Phelous D1: I summon the Grim Reaper himself!
Lant: I summon Nekron, prisoner of the Black Lantern!
Halloweenie: I summon a shambling horde of ZOMBIE GHOSTS!
John: I summon ash williams, master of the chainsaw!
Troll Phelous D1: I summon Freddie Michael Vorhees!
Dave: i summon clone cybernetic jason voorhees from space.
Halloweenie: I summon NIGHTMARE MOON!
Troll Phelous D1: ...really?
Halloweenie: YES REALLY NOW SHUT UP!
Nepeta: :33 < i summon the lich king from adventure time!
Troll Phelous D1: I summon the monster from Cloverfield!
Jade: i summon a jager from pacific rim!
Halloweenie: I summon FRANKENSTEIN...'s monster.
Jake: I summon Inspector Dan Clay, from Plan 9 from Outer Space!
Troll Phelous D1: I summon a Giant Enemy Crab!
Karkat: I SUMMON A GIANT SAMURAI WITH ONE OF THOSE HAND-HELD NUTCRACKERS THAT YOU USE TO BREAK OPEN CRAB SHELLS.
Troll Phelous D1: I summon cuthulu!
Terezi: 1 SUMMON 4 G14NT SUSH1 CH3F
Halloweenie: I summon HASTUR!
Pinkie: I summon Old Man Henderson!
Troll Phelous D1: I summon Azathoth!
Dirk: I summon Ricky Caldwell.
Halloweenie: Who the hell is Ricky Caldwell?
Halloweenie: Oh yeah, now I remember. *DEAD*.
Troll Phelous D1: Nooo, once again I have been thwarted by gunfire! You may have thwarted me this this time, Jake English and the other people that Jake English happens to know. But I'll be back! I'll always be back! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Electra: *BANG*
Troll Phelous D1: Ooooooooooooh, Caaaaanadaaaaaa... *DEAD*
Jake: Welp. Phelous D1 and Haloweenie are dead forever, so it looks like the worst is over.
Terezi: NOT QU1T3 Y3T. 3R1D4N 1F YOU PL34S3.
Eridan: *FLAMETHROWERS PHELOUS D1 and HALLOWEENIE'S CORPSES*
Terezi: OK4Y NOW 1TS OV3R.
Opal: Print("I think we should all get back to our respective adventures, then.")
Rose: Yeah. We spent too much time clowning around as it is. No offense, Gamzee.
Gamzee: *hOnK*
Alfred: Oh, yeah. Before we go, I just had a question for dave. What do you do if, hypothetically, a version of you from an alternate timeline becomes evil and omnipotent?
Dave: this isn't very hypothetical at all, is it??
Alfred: Uh, no. Not really.
Dave: well good thing its a really quick fix. okay first you find a dead body.
Alfred: Then what?
Dave: then you throw it at your evil doppleganger.
Alfred: And then?
Dave: and then he explodes and you win.
Alfred: Uhh... that doesn't sound like it would work.
Dave: hey have a little trust in me. have i ever lied to you before?
John: well there was the time you told me that I could find mew in pokemon red by trading away my charmander for a goldeen and then pushing the truck by the ss anne with strength.
Jade: and the time you told me that weed killer was an excellent fertilizer. :(
Rose: And the time you told me that "inflammable" meant "not flammable".
Karkat: AND THE TIME YOU TOLD ME THAT HUMAN DICKS WERE PREHENSILE.
Dave: okay fine but have i ever lied to al specifically?
Alfred: Uh... not that I remember.
Dave: So you just know that I can be trusted when it comes to this. Am I right?
Alfred: uhhhhhh... say I wonder how Caius Ballad is doing?
=============
Monitor #1: And the winner of the costume contest is... MONITOR #23, FOR HIS EXCELLENT FREDDIE MICHAEL VOORHEES COSTUME!
Monitor #23: Thank you, thank you. You know from the moment I came to exsitance, I have always wanted to win a costume constest. And this very year, when I heard that we were having a costume contest, I thought to myself "I should do something". But then I thought, "Should I so something?". And then I thought "I should do something!" and then I thought "Should I do something?"...
Paddra Nsu-Yeul: Just got back from trick or treating. I'm guessing they arn't any closer to doing anything yet?"
Caius Ballad: Yep.
Yeul: And I'm guessing you didn't win the costume contest.
Caius Ballad: Yep.
Yeul: Well if it's any consolation, I did think your Exdeath costume was most creative of the bunch.
Caius: *sigh*
DETECTIVE
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